To have a 3rd child

posted 6 months ago in Parenting
Post # 16
7000 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think it greatly depends on your lifestyle. Financially you said you’re fine to have a 3rd and have plenty of room in your house – which is the first step. I also think you really need to look at your day to day life – do you like to go out a lot, dinners/lunch out, travel, etc. The more kids the harder it is. 

I always envisioned myself with two kids, and went through a time where I even thought I’d do three kids. Then I had one and now I’m seriously considering even adding a second to the mix…..three would be a major hell no.

In my case I just think about my life and how we like to live and it has really made me question if even having a second would be a good idea. We enjoy eating out, I like to meet friends for lunch. I feel like everything is pretty managable with 1-2 kids. I like to be able to go and travel, and lot of times it’s me doing it solo. My husband travels a lot for work, and the majority of it is international travel. I like to be able to join him, and now with our baby he comes along. I’m usually meeting up with him later which means I’m doing the travel alone with a baby – and right now with one it’s managble. Likewise I’m the one running the day to day at home, doing the grocery shopping, etc. If I need to run to Target or Sams Club, both of which are over an hour away, I’m not having to wrestle multiple kids. 

I have friends with 3 kids who admit they rarely if ever take all three kids alone to do anything they “need” to do. Like they never go grocery shopping solo with all 3. They wouldn’t go out to grab lunch solo with all three. That’s just not how I want to live my life. I think if you’re someone who spends 51 out of the 52 weeks a year at home and you have a spouse who works a pretty traditional 9-5 job it’s probably not a huge issue. If you’re someone who likes to be on the go all the time it just seems like a giant hassle. Are there people who continue to go and travel with multiple kids? Of course. It just doesn’t like that enjoyable to me. 

Post # 17
479 posts
Helper bee

I dont have any kids yet, I’m hoping to start trying in a couple years…BUT… my grandma gave me advice a couple years ago…She said her biggest regret was not having that third child.  She said that most of her friends say they regret not having that one child they thought long and hard about…I jsut thought it was interesting from the perspective an elderly women (90 years old).

Post # 18
6540 posts
Bee Keeper

I have three and would do it all again but it is more challenging. I would wait until your 10 month old is walking/running before you decide–imagine having an infant and two toddlers running in opposite directions! Throw in a dog and it can be chaos. Honestly, I would have been happy to have four so three was a compromise for me. And I worked full time and had barely any maternity leave. 

It’s the most challenging when they are older and one has soccer, one has a music lesson and one is at a friend’s house and they all need to be picked up at the same time, etc., etc. You’d like to think you get a vote in how these things are scheduled but sometimes it just happens. It’s a lot easier if you have a helpful, available spouse and a good parent/neighborhood network. 

It’s also harder to get a table for five than for four at a restaurant, to make just one hotel room work when traveling, to pay for preschool/sports/lessons/orthodontics/tutors/college. All that said, I would do it again and am happy to now be gaining step children for an even bigger family. 

ETA: My first two are two years apart, we have almost a three year gap between number two and number three–my first two were potty trained and well-established in their routines before number three came along, it made everything so much easier.

Post # 19
7755 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I have 3 kids, but have bigger spaces between them. My 2 youngest are 5 years apart which helps when one is more independent. We went back and forth a lot- hence the 5 year gap for the last baby. But now we can’t imagine life without her.

Post # 20
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

My opinion is going to generate fiery hatred, but it is based on observation. 

First, you have your boy, your girl, they are healthy, right. Quit while  you are ahead. Having a third ups the odds for having a problem child, and also making the field more crowded if any one of them turns out to be one. 

You just hear so much about kids these days, their problems, the expenses, their endless needs. Looks to me like having one child is an incredible undertaking, then 2 is what most people want. Adding a third, is like asking for insanity. Your own. 

Post # 21
6411 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

No one else can decide this for you. Dh and I planned to have three, regardless of the sex of the babies. As for being outnumbered, when you’re a Stay-At-Home Mom (I was, too), you are outnumbered with two; one more doesn’t tip the balance any more than it was already. As for rides and vacations, you never know whether you will have a child who just plain doesn’t like roller coasters or certain types of rides. Our middle child does NOT like rides like that, and we have never forced him on them. Dh isn’t a big fan, either, so it works out fine.

As for tables in restaurants, it isn’t any harder for us to get a table, nor have we had to wait longer than others. And scheduling happens regardless of whether there are two or three. Sure, sometimes you have to arrange for a ride for one child with someone else or you have to do something on a different day, but that would be true with two, as well. And my Dh has traveled our entire marriage. We often join him on trips. I would say we are lucky we have well-behaved children, but it has nothing to do with luck. We raised them to be respectful and kind people, and they are perfectly able to be polite and handle the waits and inconveniences of travel. We often get suites, but a roll-away bed makes one hotel room work just fine, too.

Again, if you find yourself swayed by the arguments not to have three, that’s great. Then you didn’t really want a third to begin with, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But if you want three, it just isn’t much harder than two, IMO. 

Post # 22
6540 posts
Bee Keeper

DanaWeddingGuest :  My middle child has special needs that were not diagnosed until he was five, so number three was already in the picture. It’s always a crap shoot–the reality is a child can develop issues that require “more” at any point, for many reasons. It is true that the more children you have the more stretched the resources are to deal with any issues that any of them may have. 

Post # 23
358 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Mrs2b2014 :  I don’t have children yet, but to me, 3 is the perfect number.  I know a few young families with 3 and it actually seems more relaxed at their house, than the ones with 2.  It seems like the kids sort things out amongs themselves a bit more, as they can say “majority rules”.  

I’ve asked a few friends with three and they all said going from 1 to 2 is really hard, but 2 to 3 is a breeze by comparison.

Darling Husband is one of three and the middle child says she never felt that it was bad to be a middle child, so that’s not automatic. 


Post # 24
857 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Dh and I are having the same debate but with the opposite conclusion from your husband. We have always talked about having 3, but it’s looking like we will end up with at least a 3.5-4 year age gap between 2 and 3 if we do go for a 3rd. I’m currently still pregnant with #2 and it has been really awful. I had a mmc when our first was 18 months, and that was really rough physically and emotionally. I had bad morning sickness with the first, but this one has been next level and even on medication I was basically incapacitated for weeks, 25 weeks now and still taking two types of meds. There’s not a chance we can risk me being this sick again during the next pregnancy and having two young kids. Our plan for now is to not even talk about baby #3 until this one turns 3 (first would be 5.5 years at that point). What’s the top end of your husband’s “sooner”?  Even aside from the morning sickness I find first trimester to be awful and I definitely wouldn’t have wanted to attempt it any sooner than we did at 16 months. And quite honestly, heartbroken as I am about the mmc, my son has been so much easier during this pregnancy than he was during that one, and it was only a couple of months in between! He was 16.5 months at the beginning of the mmc and 20 at the beginning of this one. 

I work in daycare, so I’m fairly confident in my ability to wrangle large groups of kids (and am well aware of what i struggle with too lol). Darling Husband has minimal experience outside of our own kiddo so if he feels like a third is too much then I will make peace with stopping at 2.

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