(Closed) To have another baby or not?

posted 7 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
Member
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

My husband and I were both set on having another one from the beginning; hell, we’re already talking about #3.  🙂  So, I’m not much help there.

I have to say, though, that the pregnancy part is easier in a lot of ways, this second time around.  It’s not as consuming, and I’m much more relaxed about everything.  Also, I’ve had time to research the difficulties I had with my first pregnancy and plan accordingly.  As a result, I’ve been a lot less sick and generally enjoyed this pregnancy more.

Honestly, though, I think you should only have another if you and your husband want another baby.  Obviously, you do gain some cool things by having more than one, but you would also have to make some sacrifices, and there’s no predicting what relationship your son would have with a future sibling.  If you and your husband feel like a second baby would complete your family, you should go for it.  If not, remember you have plenty of time to change your mind, and concentrate on all the wonderful moments that come with only having one.  🙂

Post # 5
Member
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I was an only child and I really didn’t like it. There weren’t many kids to play with in my neighborhood so I spent a lot of time alone or with my mom, and to this day I still wish I’d had a sibling to grow up with.

Darling Husband and his brother are like apples and oranges, sometimes it’s hard to believe they’re even brothers, but they still have that sibling bond. As much as they have their differences, they are brothers first and foremost. I really do feel like I missed out on that kind of relationship.

Plus unless DH’s brother settles down and has kids (seems unlikely right now) I’ll never get to be an aunt. I’m already jealous of my friends who have nieces and nephews, lol.

I know there are only children out there who were perfectly happy to have the household to themselves, but for me it was quite a lonely existence.

Post # 6
Member
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I won’t be working any more after #2 gets here (I’m due April 1), but I’ve been wanting to quit since we had Addie.  I’m also in grad school now, so quitting this spring is partially so I can spend more time on my schoolwork, as well.

I think making the decision to have another can be hard.  Like I said, both my husband and I were certain we wanted another baby, but sometimes we still question ourselves.  I know I won’t have as much time/attention/money/patience/etc… for either kid, and it makes me feel a little guilty.  Obviously, I hope our kids have a great relationship, but I’m one of five and I only speak with one of my sisters, so I worry about that.  Overall, though, I know it’s the right choice and we both really wanted another, so the negatives don’t outweigh the positives, for us.

Post # 7
Member
3375 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I was an only child and it wasn’t a happy experience, it still isn’t.

When I was growing up, I never had someone to play with unless I had a playdate… there were a lot of lonely times for me as a kid with dolls or books. I mean it wasn’t the worst thing in the world.

Now that we’re older all of my friends are now SO close with their siblings and it stings a little. My kids won’t ever have aunts or uncles either like I did growing up (my parents came from huge families).

On the other hand, I’m very close with my parents and I don’t feel like I was “spoiled”. There was a lot more money and vacations for me, but it didn’t make me a brat.

Post # 8
Member
1327 posts
Bumble bee

Alright I am an only child and for the most I think it was/is totally fine. My whole childhood I was busy in dance, baseball and horses, I spent tons of time hanging with friends and my dad spent hundreds of hours playing with me when my friends weren’t around. Honestly I don’t think I missed out one bit being an only child especailly since all the attention was on me and I was able to do so much in my childhood.

But now that I am grown I am finding it much harder, my parents moved 3 1/2 hours a away, I am not really close with my extended family and I lost most of my friends after college so needless to say I am pretty loney most of the time. My Fiance does a wonderful job of spending time with me but somedays it would be nice to have someone else in the family to spend time with. Also I am very worried about what will happen when my parents get older, they are pretty independent and finanically stable but if anything happens that responability is going to fall on me and only me and that is scary.

Something to think about.

Post # 9
Member
3522 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I’m an only child, and while it did get lonely sometimes, I didn’t really mind it all that much. I matured faster than a lot of my peers because I was hanging around adults all the time (my grandmother and great-aunt’s friends, mostly). Being an only child doesn’t always mean a horrible, lonely existence, nor does it mean your kid’s going to end up spoiled–you just have to make sure to keep him/her busy (play dates, activities, etc.) and make sure the child is being properly socialized. I’m actually glad I didn’t have any siblings.

Post # 10
Member
1327 posts
Bumble bee

I agree, I can say I had a super happy childhood overall because my parents were extremely involved in my life, I had a few friends that were only childern and there parents weren’t involved much at all, they were pretty lonely kids.

Post # 12
Member
295 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m glad you posted this! I’m in that weird stage now where we are deciding what the next step is. I have an 8 year old DS from a previous relationship but my Darling Husband has been with us since DS was a baby. Mr. Lala still wants to add a few more babies to the mix, but I was all set with just the one! I turn 30 in a few months and had told him when we started dating that once I’m 30 we can start trying for one more. Now that I’m getting closer, I’m scared!

My DS has been bringing it up more often lately. The other day he said he wants a brother so his kids can have an Uncle. Sweet baby! So cute.

I just don’t think I have it in me to deal with pregnancy and newborn stuff now! I was 21 the first time around and it was easy! I go to bed at 8:30 now…ahhhh!

Post # 14
Member
1506 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Why not just wait another year and see how you feel? If you decided you wanted another one at that point the kids would still be close enough in age that they would be appreciative of having each other.

Post # 15
Member
1115 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

@Cash000: I am currently pregnant with our first child – only 6 weeks along tomorrow – I want this baby so bad, but I’m not going to lie and say I’m one of those supermoms who really enjoys being pregnant. I knew before we even conceived that I would really struggle with it and actually have dreaded the whole ordeal since the thought of having children ever crossed my mind. I get terrible migraines and to take away my aspirin alone has already sent me to the ER once. I’m usually on prescription medication, and I certainly have never before been deprived of my 1-2 glasses of wine every night… it’s just not me.

I wonder myself if when I get through this I’ll be able to do it again to have a second child. I WANT two children, I really do. The only thing that will keep me even considering it after we have this one is that fact that my own mother failed so badly at being a mother and I thank God every day for giving me two wonderful sisters who have carried me through everything in my life. I don’t know where or who I would be without them, and depriving my child of that support in life is just not something I can see myself doing. And while I plan to be the best mom I can, what if something ever happened to me? I want my child to have siblings to love and lean on always.

Post # 16
Member
1750 posts
Buzzing bee

@Cash000: This an a very interesting topic. I am not pregnant but I have strongly considered only having one child when that time comes. I enjoy working, having a great career, travel and honestly free time relaxing with my mate. I am concerned if I don’t have at least two my child would be lonely. However, I also consider if I have two I may be stretching myself and forsaking the type of life I imagine for my family. This is a great post! 

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