- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2017
I’ll just jump straight to it. I am currently very on the fence about having kids. When I was younger I used to always want them (as many as 5 or 6!) but now I’m thinking that may have been just like a idyllic fantasy of “playing house”. Now that I’m older and married and have seen the realities of children, I find myself firmly on the fence. I think that in my heart I love the idea of being a mother and watching my little ones grow and eventually become friends (hopefully!) as they grow older, and I love the idea of having a family larger than just my husband and I, especially since I grew up with a large close-knit family myself. Plus all my life long friends, even those who absolutely do not want kids, say they can’t imagine me not having kids as I’m such a “mom”, even though I rarely even speak about kids or motherhood.
However I also see all the difficulties that come with having children. Of course the lack of personal freedom, the no-turning-back, the chance that they will be little terrors, or they could have severe illnesses. I don’t know if I could handle worrying about a child for the rest of my life! (I can be a very anxious worry wort).
But then I see my older brother and his wife who are now looking forward to having their first child at 34! And this after both of them being highly career driven metropolitan people who also always seemed very on the fence or perhaps even flat our not wanting kids. It was a big surprise when they announced they were eagerly TTC! I personally wouldn’t want to wait till I’m in my thirties to start having kids if that is what I eventually decide. I’m nearly 25 so I know I have some time, but if I decided to have kids I would want to start in the next 3-4 years.
I know I’m saying “I” a lot here, but that’s because my husband has pretty much said it is up to me! He already has a couple kids from a previous relationship and though he loves kids and loves me and is a fantasic father, he would also be content if I didn’t want them. So he’s happy either way. I know that whatever I decide I will have his complete support and he has already firmly said, and I know him and believe him, that he wouldn’t ever just leave the child rearing to me and that he would be just as involved to shoulder the burden, so at least I would have him on my side and wont have to worry about doing it all alone…
Sorry I’m rambling a bit :/. But I guess what I’m wanting to ask, is if there is anyone out there like me who was very on the fence. What did you eventually decide and what helped you reach that decision? And are you happy with your decision? For those who decided against kids, do you ever have moments where you wish you had them? And for those who decided to have kids, if you could go back and do it all over, would you make the same decision, and how has it changed your life (for better or worse?).
I’m the sort of person that needs to weigh all options and possible outcomes carefully before making huge decisions, so any input would be very valuable!