Post # 1
My parents have graciously offered to pay for my wedding, but I know that they can’t afford it. They will act like they can and will do whatever to make sure I have whatever I want, then will make up for it later. I’m not really sure what to do because I try to bring this up to them and they tell me not to worry about it, or when I try to reccommend cheaper options they dismiss it and tell me we are doing it this way (the way more expensive option). I wonder if I should just plan everything by myself and have a very small wedding (and pay for it myself?) or just let them do what they want and feel guilty about it?
If I paid for everything myself, it would probably consist of just a few people and maybe renting out a room. We are just starting out and have had a rough couple of years for various reasons, so have been trying to build our savings back up. This would be fine, because in the end I am still married, but of course I still want a wedding that I have thought about for so many years.
I selfishly want the big wedding that they want to throw me and want to have all the memories and things that go along with it but know that it won’t be worth it in the end. I’m just not sure what to do or how to get around telling them not to do this for me. So should I just let them spend the money, tell them no completely, or let them throw the wedding they want but try to get off with the most inexpensive options? Any other reccomendations? Thank you!
Post # 2
bzybee3: This sounds like a very difficult position… I’d pay for it myself, rent the room and the officiant and such and ask your parents to cater it. Considering how much catering can run, they will have a key roll in the financial part of your wedding and that might help ease any blow to their pride. I couldn’t stand that kind of guilt and it wouldn’t be worth it to me.
Post # 3
I couldn’t in good conscience let my parents pay for a wedding they can’t afford, no matter how badly I wanted a super special day. I would either scale down or start saving up.
Post # 4
- Wedding: February 2015 - Chapel on Base
Have you considered paying for the small wedding yourself and maybe asking your parents to pay for the honeymoon? I feel they would spend less and still feel they gave you a wonderful memory.
Post # 5
You just have to ask yourself a very important question – what would hurt more: you having a small, intimate, beautiful wedding within the budget, or your parents in financial trouble. Your wedding will last a day. Sorry to sound harsh but it’s just A ONE DAY. I’d feel horrible to ask my parents to spend their savings on a one big party for myself.
Post # 6
My suggestion is either go for the small wedding you can pay for yourself, or have a longer engagement in order to save up for a larger wedding. I couldn’t do that to my parents, and I know they would be stressed about the financial aspect long after the wedding is over. You can also have a larger wedding that doesn’t cost too much by having it in between meals (just offering soda/punch and some appetizers and cake..whatever you like), and keeping it simple. I don’t have a problem with potlucks like most of the other posters on this site, so if that’s something your community of friends/family would enjoy, then that could work too (though it takes a lot of organization!)
Post # 7
+1 My parents wanted to have a big wedding for me but only my father was working.
I didn’t want to put them in that position. I wanted my parents to use their money for retirement.
Of course, the other issue is that I didn’t want a big wedding in the first place.
Would you feel good about yourself knowing that your parents threw you a big wedding that they can’t afford? If so, you have some lessons to learn about selfishness and entitlement. I don’t understand adults who are fine with accepting large sums of money from their parents or expensive gifts like a lavish wedding. You are not ready for marriage if you think it is fine to let your parents pay for your wedding when they can’t afford it. Marriage is for independent adults who pay their own way.
Have an intimate wedding that you can pay for yourself. You can always have a vow renewal later on if you are not happy with your intimate wedding or you can also wait until you have the money for a larger wedding.