To have or to not have flower girl and ring bearer?

posted 6 months ago in Traditions
Post # 16
7871 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

zombeee :  I didn’t (despite having a cute young niece) and have never regretted it. In your case, “cousins’ kids” don’t sound especially close, and you don’t want to deal with the drama of asking some cousins’ kids and not others.

It’s quite uncommon to have them here, and I find it quite odd that people are bascially insisting you have to!

Post # 17
2330 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I had 2 ring bearers but no flower girl/s. Our ring bearers were my younger half brothers (aged 8 and 5 at the time) – if I didn’t have brothers or if they had been younger/older, we wouldn’t have had ring bearers and I don’t think I would have regret that decision at all. I don’t regret not having any flower girls either.

Most of my friends have only had ring bearers/flower girls if there are children they are particularly close to that they would like involved. One of my friends, for example, had her nieces as flower girls but had no ring bearer as they aren’t close with any little boys.

But you do you – if you don’t want to have ring bearers or flower girls, don’t. They certainly aren’t a requirement and it can be a little stressful trying to wrangle little kids into doing what you want them to (hence why I would not have asked my brothers if they were any younger – as it was, we were concerned about the attention span of the 5 year old but he was amazingly well behaved and so excited to be a part of our bridal party).

Post # 18
1213 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Our grandma’s are our flower ladies. The kids in our family are not super close with us and we thought it was a neat way to have our grandma’s involved, they’re super excited. 

Post # 19
6931 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

We didn’t have either and I have no regrets. We didn’t have any kids close enough to us to ask and while there were a couple we could have asked just ask we ultimatly decided it wasn’t worth it.

Post # 20
281 posts
Helper bee

My 7 and 9 year old nieces who are technically junior bridesmaids can also be ring bearers if they would like. No pressure if they would rather not on the wedding day.

Post # 21
555 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I’m not having either and I know lots of children as well.

Sadly I’ve learned (and I know all of you join me in this) how often people will give their unsolicited opinions about OUR wedding. Who cares what they think?! If not having a flower girl or ring bearer (or any other strong opinion they have) will ruin their wedding experience, they can just choose to not attend. 

Post # 22
523 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I think I have only been to one wedding where there was a ring bearer and I haven’t seen a flower girl since I was a child. I’ve been to a few weddings recently (without either) and never thought anything of it.  

Post # 23
302 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I had a flower grandma 🙂FB_IMG_1477937414811

Post # 24
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - A Historic Inn

We aren’t having either. We’d probably consider if it we had nieces or nephews. 

Post # 25
698 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

We have several children in our family but I’ve never been a fan of kids at weddings so we’re not doing it. I’ve heard way too many horror stories about flower girls and ring bearers to put in the effort and have it ruined by a tired child. 

My mother was pretty adamant on having them but we’re inviting the close family children to the reception (when I didn’t want any) so I put my foot down and said no, it’s not happening. 

Post # 26
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

We are having an adults only wedding as so we opted out on having a flower girl & ring bearer the plus of that for us is that it is helping us keep our over all guest count low since everyone we are inviting has multiple kiddos. 

Post # 27
1509 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2027

My daughter, even though she will be almost 12, still insists on being a flower girl. I think mainly because her sister has been asked several times and she knows at this point it is something she will never do, so she wants to. 

I have 4 nephews and I could have the 2 oldest as ring bearers, the 3rd is still a little young at 3 (IMO) and the youngest will be 2 weeks shy of being 1. If I have the two oldest then that leaves me wondering what to do with the other 2, just leave them out? I wouldn’t want that. I am really leaning towards just leaving them out althogether. They will never miss it and we definitely will not miss not having ring bearers. 

I come from a large family and there are always weddings where someone feels they have to have every little cousin. For example, when one of my cousins got married 11 years ago, she wanted to have 2 of my 3 (my youngest was just a couple months old) and two of our other little cousins. Since my son was almost 5 and another little cousin was almost 4, they were the flower girl and ring bearer. My oldest daughter was just 2 and another one of our little cousins around 3, they were the miniture bride and groom. Just a title really, but if you are not one who is against kids at a wedding and know that anything can happen with them, as in the case of my daughter who refused to walk with the boy and ran down the aisle to our aunt, then it all can be really cute. 

It is ultimately up to you. 

Post # 28
715 posts
Busy bee

I’ve been to quite a few weddings that didn’t have them! I’m only having them because I’m really close with my nieces and nephews, and I don’t mind if they end up causing some kind of funny scene. If I didn’t have any that I was super close to, or if I was concerned about the seriousness/solemnity of the ceremony, then I would have opted out. 

Post # 29
1971 posts
Buzzing bee

Not governed by any state, local, or federal law. 

If you don’t wish to have them, don’t.

In your specific situation, you are sure to hurt someone’s feeling by omitting his or her adorable little Snookums by asking someone else’s. 

Best Wishes!

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