To have wedding "godparents" or to not (Padrinos de boda)

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
434 posts
Helper bee

I am having godparents, but I am not asking them to contribute any money. I chose them as my godparents because they have been there for me since I was young & I look up to the both of them, most especially their relationship & marriage. All I ask from them is to guide me through life & marriage if I ever need it. 

Post # 3
Member
1156 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

I thought the padrinos where the parents of the bride and groom? At least that’s what it’s like in Argentina, and I don’t remember there being an opt out option when my brothers got married. 

Post # 4
Member
138 posts
Blushing bee

I come from a Latino family, and most traditioal Latino weddings that I’ve gone to had padrinos and padrinas de boda–some with a more than a couple. Also, every padrino/a I knew volunteered for the position and wasn’t necessarily chosen. Usually they were a close aunt and uncle and in all the weddings I’ve been to, they seemed pretty proud to have been in that position. If they volunteer and you don’t feel uncomfortable with the idea, then do it. But, in my own situation,  I personally didnt feel comfortable having that at my own wedding…

Post # 5
Member
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

My guess would have been that you do not ask, they offer, you choose and ask, then it should be very clear that you do not want a financial contribution to the wedding, just support and blessings as described above. 

  • This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by  Drizzle.
Post # 6
Member
1118 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Have your parents done this for some family friends?  If so, then it wouldnt be as awkward to ask if those parents were returning the favor/gift given to their kid from your parents?  

Post # 7
Member
351 posts
Helper bee

Im Hispanic and I know exactly what you’re talking about. 

FI and I decided to fund the whole wedding ourselves, when I told my mom this, of course she asked about padrinos. 

we didn’t feel comfortable asking anyone for money (at the end of the day, that’s what you’re doing when asking someone to be a padrino). We even said we wouldn’t take money from our parents, although they’ve all offered to help somehow. 

weve had two close family members offer to fund very small parts of our wedding and we’re still not sure we’ll take them up on the offer. But I guess if we do they would be considered padrinos In our circle. 

FI and I are first generation so we have a lot more than what our parents, aunts and uncles have/had. This is why I personally do not feel right asking them to be a padrino. I don’t want to take from them what they might have worked so hard for when we can fund it ourselves. 

i would wait to see if anyone offers to help And go from there. 

Post # 8
Member
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

We decided not to have padrinos. People have offere and we just let them know we would like to do it on our own and just thanked them for their generosit. If we said yes we would feel like we owe them something and we don’t like owing anyone anything. But that’s just us. 

Post # 9
Member
296 posts
Helper bee

In Greece, the koumparos or koumpara (best man or best woman) traditionally pays for some of the costs, such as decoration, the parents of the groom pay for the wedding dress and the couple’s new bedroom, the parents of the bride pay for the groom’s suit and the rest of the house etc.  BUT I still don’t think you should ask for it. If you don’t feel comfortable with it, go with your guts. Maybe ask someone who would be honored to be part of the wedding to be a padrino, but tell them you don’t wish them to pay. Then if they offer anyway, you can accept. Also, if they pay for all of these things, my view is that they should be involved in choosing them too. My SO and I were koumparos at a wedding recently where we payed for a very expensive decoration we did not choose or see before the wedding, and it was quite frustrating.

Also in Greece the couple is expected to give an expensive gift to the koumparos, such as a good watch or jewelry, at least as expensive as the money they’ve given. But I guess that counteracts with the whole point of them helping with the wedding costs.

  • This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by  melissamaria.
Post # 10
Member
6906 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

If they offer freely, then accept graciously. If they don’t offer, there’s no need to bring it up.

Post # 14
Member
6906 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

bellanotte11:  well, you’d not turn down a birthday gift if they got you one, would you? Trust them to know their own financial situations. A gift given freely is a sign of love and it makes the giver feel good. It’s definitely hurtful to turn down someone’s gift. You can always be mindful of budget as you make your decor choices.

Post # 15
Member
1456 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

melissamaria:  Huh, I didn’t know that the koumbaros were expected to contribute financially. I was raised Greek Orthodox (in California), and I was koumbara in my sister’s first wedding when I was 16, and when she remarried a few months ago I contributed to the alcohol but was a little miffed that I couldn’t be koumbara again because I married a Jew in a secular ceremony.

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