Post # 1
I’m still going back and forth on this issue. My first name, when combined with FH’s last name, creates a series of three (of the same) consonants in a row–therefore, it’s very hard to pronounce without sounding like I have a speech impediment.
I’m wondering if I should hyphenate our last names or take his. I’m keeping my maiden name for professional purposes, but I don’t want to seem uppity or anything by hyphenating (around here, it’s rare to see a woman with two last names, hyphenated or not).
FH has said he doesn’t care–it’s my name either way. For now, on the marriage license, it says I’ll be Mrs Grape Hisname after the wedding–I can always hyphenate or something later.
It’s a tough decision, to say the least. On one hand, I’d like a fresh start. On the other, I don’t want to become just another person with this name in his super-large family (there’s another Grape Hisname in the family, if I’m not mistaken). It sounds stupid, but it’s sort of a big deal to me.
So, my options are:
– Take his last name, drop mine (except professionally) and try to learn how to pronounce it
Other suggestions? How did you decide what to do with your name?
Post # 3
I would try to avoid hyphenating. How about you take your maiden name as your legal middle name and then take his name as your only last name. You can still refer to your self (and ask others to) by all three names. As someone who works in the financial industry and processes a lot of people’s name the hyphen can really be a pain in the you know what.
Post # 4
I’m changing my middle name to my maiden name. It’s Ann therefore, I have no personal ties to it. I felt like it still allowed me to carry my maiden identity if I wanted to list it, but didn’t make my name super long when just referencing first and last
Post # 5
I would, but I really like my middle name and would rather not take my maiden name (which is a guy’s name) as my middle.
Post # 6
I’m not so much a fan of the hyphen either because it seems to confuse people. I have a friend who hyphenated two very simple names (think Smith-Jones) and people still have trouble with it. She never knows if she is filed under Smith or Jones, and a lot of times people leave the hyphen out altogether anyway.
I see a few options:
Keep your maiden name as your legal name since you are already doing so for work and just use Grape Hisname socially. That way your official documents won’t have a difficult to pronounce name, but you can always use his name when you are with friends/family who are familiar with the name.
Use your maiden name as your middle name and always use all three names together. So you are always Grape Yourname Hisname on paper…but you can call yourself Grape Yourname or Grape Hisname socially.
What is your middle name? Is it one you use? If you’d be Grape Ann Hisname would that help? Or do you have a nickname that would alleviate the problem? You could be Grape Yourname Hisname formally, but maybe Grapie (ok lame example, I know) Hisname informally?
Post # 7
Here’s what I’m doing, maybe you can consider this? I’m legally changing my name to FirstName MiddleName MaidenName NewSurname. No hyphen, and I will just write FirstName NewSurname on most forms and stuff. But socially I will ask to be called FirstName MaidenName NewSurname, and for super-formal stuff, obviously the full name would be used.
I wouldn’t worry about being perceived as “uppity”. That seems like quite a conclusion for someone to jump to on account of something so relatively insignificant to them. And if they do, so what–if they matter and are a substantial part of your life, they’ll get to know who you really are by you words and deeds.
Post # 8
This is actually what I was leaning toward. I’d sign things “Grape Maidenname Hisname,” no hyphen, but keep my legal name as “Grape Middlename Maidenname Hisname.”
Post # 9
My nickname IS the problem–I haven’t used my full name in about six years, and the shortened version is what causes the pronunciation issues. I never, ever use my full name for anything, though I haven’t legally changed it (because I’m so greedy! I like having two names).
Post # 10
I don’t plan on taking his name at all. No hyphenation, no combination, nada. I’ve been Ms. Media for 24 years, no sense changing now. 😀 Guess I will just become Mrs. Media. Plus I like my last name more than BF’s so he can keep his and I can keep mine and everyone is happy.
Though when we were on vacation someone at the hotel did say “Mr. and Mrs. BFlastname” and I giddily ran down the hall.
Post # 11
Oh, and BF things hyphenation is “uppity” so the perception is out there. Another reason not to hyphenate – if you go back to school and have to fill in the little bubble sheets, your name won’t fit. Unless it is like Smith-Todd. Then it might. But alas, those bubbles are the downfall to hyphenation! Bad bubbles!
Post # 12
@In the media:
Haha, good point. I do not plan on going to grad school or anything once I’m done, but that risk is always out there!
Post # 13
Actually most testing is done on computers so bubble sheets are not a problem 🙂
Post # 14
I agree with veganglam if you are not comfortable with just changing it to FI’s name.
Post # 15
I hyphenated. It isn’t difficult for people to understand. If people can’t understand a hyphen…well, they have bigger problems! I also don’t think there’s anything “uppity” about wanting to combine your name with your husband’s. What is uppity about wanting to merge identities without losing yourself in the process? Sounds like some guys are just insecure about their wives not only having their names.
Post # 16
My fiancee and I are going to hyphenate. Our names sound great together, and the associated problems are all really minor compared with being able to share our names. I’m really excited to hyphenate actually. It’s really all up to what matters most to you.