(Closed) To hyphenate or not….that is the question!?

posted 9 years ago in Names
Post # 3
3788 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

That’s how I felt, too. I love my maiden name, and it’s my link to my family, which is important to me since my parents both died youngish. My DH was very upset that I wanted to keep both names, and he wanted me to just take his. So we were going to compromise and I planned to take his name as my last name and move my maiden to the middle name spot. At that social security office while I was filling out the paperwork, I just got a huge knot in my stomach and was so upset that I ended up hyphenating at the last minute.

Well, six months later, and I wish I’d gone with the original plan! He got over it, so that wasn’t the issue, but from a practical perspective, it’s just sort of annoying to deal with. When I call places for appointments or the pharmacy or whatever, even if I say it’s hyphenated, they still don’t know where to file me or which name to look me up under. Also, I am a grad student and I taught at a different univeristy, and both places have half my documentation in my maiden and half with my hyphanted name. I’ve asked multiple places to fix it, and no one seems to communicate with each other.

It’s gotten to be just annoying, and I mostly want my maiden for sentimental reasons, which I realized I can still hold dear to me even if I put it in the middle name spot. I may go back and just change it again to what I’d originally planned. Whew! Sorry, I wrote a novel there, but it was something that I struggled making a decision over and would not have expected this kind of issue at all! People hyphenate all the time, so I really don’t know why it’s so difficult for some people to grasp, but the practicality of it is starting to outweigh the sentimentality.

Post # 4
2142 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I did what Amaryllis planned to do. I go professionally and academically by “Maiden DH’slastname” but sometimes places like my Gyno and Pharmacy decide to hyphenate it which can be frustrating. But it makes like easier because DH felt insecure about me keeping my maiden name and not having the same last name. It confuses some people but DH is happy.

Relatively few people in the US have my maiden name (it is VERY Norwegian) and DH’s last name is in the top 5 in the US and is very nondescript. My generation was the first to be solely born in the US so my family is more in touch with our heritage.

It was difficult but I’m more or less okay with what happened.

Post # 6
2161 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

My name is a double last name, without a hyphen.  Like Mrs. Smith Jones.   I go by Mrs. Jones socially, but all of my legal documents have both last names.

Post # 7
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I put my maiden name in the middle name spot.  I didn’t have a middle name before, so it seemed the like the simplest, most logical option.  I go by my maiden name professionally (except in all the HR documents, of course) and by my married name socially.  I haven’t had any issues with it yet, except correcting the lady at the DMV when she almost wrote it down as a double last name. It’s only been a few months though. 

I noticed that people who saw that my name on facebook is First Maiden Hislast now send me mail addressed exactly like that.  I’m guessing it’s becuase they either assume it’s a double last name without a hyphen or they just aren’t sure what I did with my name legally and don’t want to offend by shortening anything.  🙂 

Post # 8
1132 posts
Bumble bee

Yea, my mom uses her maiden name as her middle name. I thought about doing the hyphen, but I just love the tradional-ness and sweetness of solely taking my SO’s last name. I don’t love the way it sounds with my first name (both the same letter, one syllable) lol but…it is what it is. I actually can’t wait to take it 🙂

Post # 9
11505 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

View original reply
@loveknows: That’s what I did also, and I think you’ll be very pleased with this choice. Dropping your middle name and taking your maiden name as your middle name definitely gives you the most options and flexibility, while presenting the fewest complications. I have been extremely glad that I did this.

Also, it’s nice to see so many bees on this thread who made this decision as well.  I usually feel as if I am one of very few bees in the Hive who advocates on behalf of this option. 


Post # 10
2305 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I’ve always wanted to hyphenate. My mom kept her maiden name, my step mom hyphenated, and it just seemed to me, the right choice. I’m an international student, who’s with an American, so changing my name is going to be a hassel as it is, and I thought keeping my maiden name would make it a bit easier.

Then I met my Boyfriend or Best Friend. My intials are CU. His last name starts with an M. My intials would become CUM. Yeah, not happening. I’m studying to be a teacher, and it would just not work out in the long run. So I’m having to let go of my hyphen wanting, and just become Mrs. M. Which I am pretty excited about anyways lol. 

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