(Closed) To include or not include Mr Podo’s sister in the wedding party?

posted 10 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2018

i’m not including my Future Sister-In-Law.  i’m not super close to her and we don’t have that much in common, so….

my Fiance didn’t have a problem with it at all…

you should include whomever you want in your wedding party, not do so out of obligation. 

Post # 4
Bee
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2008 - Oceanfront lawn and tent

I agree with Domino, is there something else she could do… a reading?  hand out programs?  so that she has a role?

Post # 5
Member
25 posts
Newbee

This is the opinion of a woman who has been in a ton of weddings.

I would say include her. The one thing I hear most from brides is they wish they had just kept the bridal party to family. I have been in probably 10 weddings where I don’t even talk to the bride and groom, not for any other reason than we just grew apart. However, in the end you always have your family. Plus 25 years from now do you want your children asking who your bridesmaids are? 

Post # 6
Member
20 posts
Newbee

I have a question too…  My fiance and I have been engaged since 2005…  At that time we asked my fiance’s brother to be the Best Man…  Fast forward to 2008 and my Future Brother-In-Law our Best Man has a new girlfriend of 4 months, and who we have only met 4 times…  We had already planned prior that the Bridal Party would meet in one month from now and go to be fitted for the wedding clothes and before departing to the shops we were going to share an informal "brunch" at the family home.  I sent out "save the date" invite flyers last week and on this we stipulated exactly who is attending.  We did not include her because she is not in and it is for the Bridal Party only.  Now my FMIL is starting trouble over this and I really feel awful.  This thing was suppose to be a special little informal thing for the bridal party and now it is being overshadowed.   

Post # 7
Member
1061 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I’d include her. You sound like you don’t really care either way, and it does less damage to include her than not to. Look at it as a good opportunity to get to know her better. And an uneven bridal party is totally okay!

Post # 8
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I’m not sure how much younger she is (I’m thinking she’s a good number of years younger if she didn’t register in your head to be included in the BP), but maybe she can be your bridal attendant for the day? This way she can also be in the know for what goes on with the planning (since she’ll have to know that stuff), hang out with the bridal party and have an important role in the day. As long as she doesn’t view it as just being your maid for the day =P.

Post # 9
Member
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

If you hadn’t even considered her, then chances are good you’re not that close.  Rather than adding an extra Bridesmaid or Best Man, perhaps you can find another way to include her in the wedding and honor her as a family member – she could do a reading, be an usher, attend the guest table or something else? 

It would be a nice guesture to include her, but be careful – the last thing you want is a difficult Bridesmaid or Best Man or last-minute bridal party stress! 

Post # 10
Member
20 posts
Newbee

I don’t want to include her because I don’t know her.  I only wanted those close to us as a couple that have pretty much journeyed with us and have been in our lives as we reached this point.  The only people I want at this fitting for the bridal party is the bridal party.  The ones who are going to be in the wedding, walking down the aisle, that I am ordering flowers for, that may do a reading at the church, that will sit at the bridal party table at the reception, that will be involved in making a toast.  I don’t know this gal and don’t understand why a fitting for the bridal party can’t be for only the bridal party.  We are only using this informal at home brunch as a meeting point to get the bridal party together and drive to the shops together.  The girls are going one way and the guys are going for their clothes.  It’s suppose to be my fiances bonding time with his groom’s party…  When my fiance was Best Man to his other brother and I started dating him I wasn’t involved in his brother’s wedding at all…

Post # 11
Member
20 posts
Newbee

I was hoping the Best Man would be able to be a part of some things without her like family pictures after the ceremony, perhaps riding in the transportation from the church to the reception with the bridal party, being announced as a member of the bridal party with the couple he has already been assigned to, attending the church rehearsal solo.   

Post # 12
Member
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I’m going to have to agree with the majority of the commenters here. I had 5 girls I wanted as my BM’s, it was kind of a stretch for my fiance to find 5 guys, but not a big deal. Here’s the issue, my family is the brady bunch times 4. I have 1 sister, 4 brothers, 2 sisters in law, and 1 brother in law, and a future sister in law (his sister). There was no way in the world we could have all of these people in the wedding party, I was not going to have 10 people on each side, it would get out of hand. His sister is 8 years younger than us, we’re not that close, and she’s going through those terrible late teen years. We decided to keep all family out of it to not hurt anyone’s feelings by picking some and not others. I’m having my sister and his sister do our unity sand ceremony (instead of unity candle), so they can represent the families. My sister was thrilled because she just had a baby and now she could wear whatever she wanted (I was in her wedding, which made this so much worse). My fiance’s mom asked me if his sister was going to be in the wedding, which I hadn’t been planning on, so yeah, it was awkward, but in the end, we had to do what was right for us, and not pick and choose. I definitely say to find her another job. Besides, think about when you’ve been to a wedding as a regular guest and as a bridesmaid, I don’t know about you, but it’s way more enjoyable to be a regular guest! =) They can relax! Ok, that’s enough of my ramblings.

Post # 13
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Hey Melody…welcome to the Hive.  Looks like you just joined.  Is it possible for you to start a new thread to start the conversation on your current issue?

It gets confusing when you comment on thread that was started on a different issue.  I think all the posts above are answering the original poster’s question, but because you added your own question & situation, you are thinking that they posts are answering your questions.

I’m sure there are plenty of Bees who would love to help you out, so start a new thread and watch the responses roll in.  Good luck with your situation!

Post # 14
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

MissPodo – There are pros and cons to including your Future Sister-In-Law.  If you have a group of girls now who all know each other and are friends, your Future Sister-In-Law is always going to feel like she is sort of the 5th wheel.  If she’s not about the same age as the rest of the girls, it will be even worse. You don’t say how close you are to her, but if everyone else is pretty close to you and her main connection is really to your Fiance rather than to you, that also kind of puts her on the outside. 

And making her a Bridesmaid or Best Man isn’t going to automatically make you friends.  It also may not really be what she wants.  There can be a lot of time and expense associated with the job, and it’s not something you want to feel like you have to do – rather something you want to do, because you are really close to the bride.

I know that some people automatically include all family regardless, but it doesn’t sound like you started out with that idea.  I would actually stick with your first instinct.  If Future Sister-In-Law really wants to be involved (as opposed to your Fiance wanting her to be involved) then there are lots of other things she can do, as has been pointed out.

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