(Closed) to invite or not?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
941 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

It seems like one of the bigger challenges people get stuck on (well maybe I’m also including myself in this) is the idea that you “should” only invite who invites you.  I think that’s the natural response to have, though it may not be the best one.

There may be a few reasons they didn’t invite you.  Maybe it was an oversight.  Maybe they really had to limit their guest list and really wanted your fiance there, and that’s the compromis they felt they had to make.  Maybe there’s another reason all together.

It sounds like, based on what you’re saying, that you’d feel a bit uncomfortable NOT inviting the two of them.  I’d suggest that you do your best to put aside your feelings of not being invited and think about whether you’d like them both to be there.  And make your decision based on that, rather than the fact that you weren’t invited to there’s. 

And definitely make the decision after you’ve given yourself a few days to let the bummed out feeling wear off.

Post # 4
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Hmm… I think you should hold off and have your fiance talk to his friend.  Maybe it was just oversight when they addressed the envelope.  I’ve heard of people limiting plus 1’s, but it is usually just for those who are not in long-term serious relationships.  It seems like once a couple is engaged, the fiance/e should be invited no matter what.  Hopefully they just accidentally left your name off of the invite…

Post # 6
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

We’ve gone back and forth on WB before about whether you need to invite coworker’s spouses/partners.  According to proper etiquette (any my personal opinion, for whatever that’s worth!) You absolutely must invite people together if they are engaged, married, or living together (as romantic partners, not including roommates obviously).  However for some reason people seem to think that because they are inviting a whole group of coworkers that they don’t need to invite the spouses.  I think it’s totally rude and I would decline the invite myself.  However, I would still invite them to your wedding.  It will just cause drama in the office if you exclude them, and it usually pays to be the bigger person…  Your FI’s coworkers will probably recognize your class and grace if you invite them despite this insult.

Post # 7
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I really think that you should have been invited because you two are engaged.  I don’t think it would be right of you to uninvite his Fiance just because you weren’t invited, especially if you have a rule across the board.

Post # 8
242 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think you should still invite him if he’s still a good friend and important to you guys, espeically if he’ll be missed at the wedding.  This may be over-stepping, but could you have your fiance contact him and ask if they meant not to include you in the invite? It seems a bit strange if you guys are living together and engaged that he would get invited and you wouldn’t, especially if you hang out with him from time to time.

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