(Closed) To invite or not Frenemies?

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
42 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I’m personally not an advocate of inviting people out of obligation (except for family).  It will probably just make you resentful.  Also, if they know that they are frenemies, they probably won’t be surprised at not being invited.  If they mention something (which would be really rude imo) you can just tell them that you’re having a small wedding and unfortunately couldn’t invite everyone you would have liked.

Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
596 posts
Busy bee

i’m having the same dilemma as you!  there are a few "frenemies" that i would prefer not to invite.  unfortunately, they are within the same social circle as other friends who will be invited, so we probably can’t get away with not inviting them.  in fact, they have already made it clear that they expect to be invited.  to keep the peace, Fiance has insisted we just get it over with and invite them.  we will probably try to send the invites out to the frenemies as late as possible…maybe they won’t be able to make it on such short notice!  i’d be interested to see if anyone has found a better way to deal with frenemies who invite themselves to your wedding.

Post # 5
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

I am going to be in a similar situation as well! If anyone has some creative ideas, I would be very excited to hear them!

Post # 6
Member
14 posts
Newbee

I was also having the same problem as you! I couldn’t decide whether or not to invite these "frenemies" especially because we were paying for the wedding ourselves! I think a lot of us can relate to your situation! Honestly, this is your wedding and you should not have to feel obligated to invite people you don’t even care for. And you shouldn’t have to feel bad about it too. If they are considerate coworkers, they should understand that weddings are expensive and that you and your finace are the ones paying for the wedding. If any of them would ask me if they were invited to my wedding, I would just tell them I really wish we could, but we were having a small wedding and just couldn’t (which was true).

Post # 7
Member
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

You are not obligated to invite anyone from work except your closest friends and (in some cases) your boss.  Everyone I work with understands that we are having a "small" wedding, and if some feelings are hurt they have not let me know.  My maid of honor works with me, so we talk about wedding stuff at work all of the time.  I am inviting my boss as well.

Post # 8
Member
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

It’s pretty easy if you want make the designation that you’re not inviting anyone from work (the boss is an easy exception).  If you are inviting some co-workers but not others, that’s pretty complicated.  I think it would pretty much change the frenemies to plain old ‘not friends’ (hopefully not ‘enemies’).

Just keep in mind it’s your wedding so you can really do what you want. 

Post # 9
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I also don’t think (other than family) you are obligated to invite anybody.  We are inviting a few people from work, and not the rest.  Our criteria was this:  if we think we would still be friends with these people in a few years even if we no longer work together, we are inviting them.  I have had several co-workers ask whether they are invited (always the ones who aren’t – isn’t that funny).  I just tell them that I’m sorry – there are so many people that we would ideally really love to have, but its just going to be a small wedding, only family and a few close friends.  And I hope they understand.  Its funny to see how everybody scrambles to say that they totally understand, they’re so sorry, of course…  As suddenly they realize they have totally overstepped. And people who definately know they are not invited still ask to hear the latest crazy wedding planning story.  Its actually nice to have it out in the open – that they’re not invited – and I can’t see that anybody feels bad about it.

Post # 10
Member
24 posts
Newbee

I wouldn’t invite anyone out of obligation.

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