Post # 1
Sorry, this is kind of personal but I need some advice….
So I’m the youngest of 4, with my two oldest brothers having a different father. So out of my 3 brothers, I have a great relationship with one that I share a father with, a decent relationship with the oldest. The "middle" brother no longer speaks to any of us siblings. He has always had a tumultuous relationship with my parents and after my mother died, it’s gotten worse. He even went so far to change his last name back to his biological fathers 3 months after our mother’s death. Now my dad adopted, raised, clothed, fed, etc. my two oldest brothers as their father was a drunk/deadbeat.
So now that I’m getting married, I don’t know if I should invite him and his wife (she’s a big part of the problem). One of my SIL’s says I should. My dad is ambivilant. I feel like I "should" invite them but I really don’t want to have to deal with any drama. And yes there will be some drama because his wife made some snarky comments at my mothers funeral. She’s also called me a sheep because I supposedly follow along with whatever my parents/brothers think. Now she’s never said these things to me, just to other members of the family. My brother on the other hand feels like I should apologize. For what-for not wanting to deal with all this family drama crap on my birthday, two days after my mothers funeral. Etiquette-wise, I feel like I should invite them. And his wife is in bad health so they probably would not come anyway. But on the off chance they do-I just don’t want to hear about any rude, snarky comments from them. I want to be the bigger person and invite them but I also want to be able to at control some of the stressful aspects of my wedding day!
What should I do? Sorry so long.
Post # 3
So sorry to hear you’ve hit a bump in the road. Is the SIL’s snarkiness likely to be just some comments, or a drunken embarrassing obnoxious scene? I guess my point is if she is just going to be pouty and keep it "roughly" to herself, maybe just invite them. You will be far too busy to be hanging out with her. If she is likely to get plastered and slug someone, that is a different story.
It sounds like you feel obligated to invite them. I can appreciate that. You also mentioned that they might not come because SIL is sick. Again, I’d lean towards inviting them. However, if you think she’ll make a big scene, maybe don’t invite them (easy for me to say) or invite them and have a contingency plan. Like make sure they understand your reception won’t be the place for someone kicking off or their gone. Or have someone be prepared to escort them out.
Also, I’m sorry your brother is having a hard time with your faimly. I’m sure there are some difficulties has had to deal with, with your mother passing and his own father being a deadbeat. He probably feels a bit disconnected from you all, and perhaps he’s felt like an orphan, for a while. But it sounds like your dad is super special. I hope you all can repair the situation.
Post # 4
I would invite them for formality’s sake and hope that they don’t come. In the chance that they do come, sit them will people who won’t put up with their snarky comments or have someone play "security guard" and ask them to leave if SIL becomes too obnoxious.
Post # 5
Thanks guys. I’m most likely going to invite them…it’s the right thing to do. And who knows, they could surprise me and be nice
Post # 6
Are there any family members that could babysit them the day of, to make sure they stay away from you and are on their best behavior, at least around you?
Post # 7
I say invite…you guys may not have the best relationship now, but who knows what the future may bring. Not inviting them at all while probably lead to many hurt feelings. I have two older half-sisters so I understand how you feel…hopefully, SIL will keep he rmouth shut and just be nice for the day.
Post # 8
If you think you should invite them, then you know your answer. Even though you’re afraid they will make a scene, I don’t think they would come. They haven’t spoken to you in how long? I think it would be a nice gesture to invite them, and as Emileee suggested, enlist the help of friends or uncles who could ‘watch’ them and make SURE they behave. We have someone like this who we aren’t inviting, and we’ve told a few guests if they see her, she needs to be escorted out.