- 5 years ago
- Wedding: January 2013
Hive, I’m in a pickle. I already pretty much know what the answer should be, but I’m struggling to make it, so advice is needed.
First, some backstory is needed (sorry for how long it is!)
My oldest sister, K, has been in a relationship with her boyfriend, J, for about 6 months now (maybe longer, I’m not entirely sure). Until recently, no one in my family had met him.
A few weeks ago, K and J decided to go up to my parent’s cabin for a weekend so my parents could meet J.
Now, my parent’s cabin is in a fairly remote area of Alaska, and you either have to A) fly there in a bush plane or B) spend 4 hours in a river boat to get there. J is a very fresh pilot with his own plane, and decided to fly out, even though my dad (a pilot for 30+ years) advised him not to because there was flood warnings and the weather would be difficult to fly out in. J ignored my dad’s warnings, and tried to get my parents to agree that “no matter what, we will get you home by monday” since he HAD to be back at work or he’d be fired. My parents tentatively agreed, since they have a river boat up there, and J made his way down with K and his two cats (why he thought it was appropriate to bring cats into the middle of the woods, I will never know).
Anyway, K & J get to my parents house and J is not being the friendliest of people. He’s not trying to be polite to my parents, is constantly whispering with K in the corner, and tried to refuse to take a weapon when they went hiking around our cabin (there are numerous bears and moose surrounding the cabin, so my dad put his foot down and made J take a weapon to protect themselves just in case). So, things are a little sticky between J and my parents, but nothing major yet.
Then, J was taking his cats outside to go to the bathroom, and my parents’ neighbor’s dog came into the yard (which is completely normal, the dog is very sweet). J flipped out though, and threw a large log at the dog and chased it off the property, all because the cat got scared. My parents were furious that he acted that way for no real reason, and to a friend’s pet at that, and also a little scared for K since his temper was so extreme over nothing. My mom sat J down and told him that behavior like that would not be allowed in her house (cabin lol), and he made an excuse and the situation was dropped.
As this point it was Saturday night and the weather had started to turn worse as the forcast had predicted, and there was no way J could fly out. He was freaking out, yelling at my parents that they had to boat him out the next morning. My dad was wary of the idea, because their river boat is uncovered and he would be stuck in it for 8+ hours boating them out and then coming back to the cabin by himself, so he knew he would be cold, wet, and probably get very sick from it. J flipped out, and demanded my parents find him a way home “at all costs”. My parents agreed, although they were very annoyed by now, and started calling friends and charters alike trying to find anyone willing to drive J out. They finally found a charter owned by a family friend who was willing to take J & K home the next morning.
So, they go on the boat and when they dock, the boat driver tells J the fee is $450 (the gas alone is $300 for that trip, so $150 profit isn’t much to ask for). J flips out again, claims the price was ridiculous, pays the driver $100 and refuses to pay more. I pick them up from the landing, (unknowing of any of the stuff that was going on, K had just called me to come get them) and J is extremely rude to me, although it is the first time i’d met him.
Well, my parents get a call from the boat driver’s mom (he was only 18) and she was furious that J hadn’t paid her son his fee. My mom is friends with this woman, and she apologized profusely and paid the difference herself so there wouldn’t be any hard feelings between them.
Also, since J couldn’t fly his plane out due to weather, it was sitting on a friend of my parents’ landing strip. the friend is very picky about who parks there, so the fact that an unknown plane was left there was a big deal, and my parents felt very uncomfortable about the situation.
So, my mom sends J an email on Monday, saying she was sorry that things had been less-than-great at the cabin, but that she hoped he was doing well. She offered to still pay $150 of the money he owed the boat driver, so he only had to pay $200 of what he owed, and also asked when he would be coming to pick up his plane, since she would like to tell the strip owner so he didn’t have to worry. The email was very polite and friendly (I read it myself), and the reply she got back makes me livid.
He replied that he would never pay more for the “illegal charter” my parents secured him, that he thought it would be free, that my parents were “opportunists” trying to make a quick buck off of him, and a bunch of other really foul things. He basically called them liars, theifs, and rude and horrible people. Then he ended the email by refusing to tell her when the plane would be picked up, and threatened to sue my parents if they, or anyone else, so much as touched his plane.
My mom was very, very upset and tried to talk to K about it, but K refused to listen to what the email said, claiming that “it’s between you and J, i don’t appreciate you trying to drag me into the middle of it, if you try to speak about J with me again I’ll terminate the conversation”.
So to sum it up: Ridiculous stuff happened, my parents feel that J is the scum of the earth, and I am left not liking J since I am very loyal to my parents and feel he treated them (and myself! since he was very rude to me when I went out of my way to help him and my sister when they were stuck at the boat landing) wrong. My parents and K have since worked things out between themselves, but things with J are still very up in the air.
Finally, the question of the post (if you’ve even gotten this far LOL): I am sending out invitations soon. Before this all happened, my sister invited J to my wedding and TOLD me he was invited (which kinda pissed me off, since I had never met him and hadn’t told her he could come, although I was planning on inviting him. I was just annoyed she didn’t ask me before inviting him). Now, I 100% don’t want him at my wedding, and my parents (who are paying for the wedding) don’t really want him there either, but I know my sister thinks he is invited and I have no clue how to handle it. I will be very upset if he’s there, but I don’t really want to cause more drama and drive my sister away…. Any ideas?! Thank you all so much in advance