Post # 1
I’ve been on the site for a few months and mostly read/take advice, and have found myself in need of advice. We are getting married this May, so invites will be going out soon. Here is the situation:
My dad was in a relationship with a woman (who has a son) from the time I was 7 until 18. Although like any step parent, the relationship was difficult at times but since I have been a teenager (I’m now 33) I have grown pretty close to her. She has a son which is my age, whom I’ve always called my step brother to this day.
However, my dad despises the fact that I still have a relationship with them, regardless of the fact that he has built another family around him, for over 14 years now. I told my dad that I wouldn’t invite my (ex) step-mom, but would like to invite my step-brother. I asked what he thought, and he said it was my wedding, thus up to me.
But I know my dad would be uncomfortable with my step brother there, and I am not that close to my step brother, more so my (ex) step mom….but I just don’t know how to say to him that he’s not invited to my wedding (and he invited me to his is 2011…) I feel so torn because my step brother has hardly and family and has always considered me his sister. However, I was married in the past and did not invite him or my (then) step mom to my previous wedding either.
Thoughts? Should I invite him, or politely tell him I’m not? And if not, how do I tell him? My dad, (ex) step mom and step brother all live 7 hours away from here, so it would have to be over the phone, text or a letter…
Any advice is so very appreciated.
Post # 3
I’m so sorry you are in this predicament. Weddings, unfortunately, can turn into a battle of who to invite, who is upset and whom, who can’t get along with this person, seating people away from each other, etc.
If it were me, I’d ask myself two questions: 1. Would your dad be the type to make it obvious that he is uncomfortable? Or is he the type to let it go and try to have a good time despite awkward circumstances? and 2. Will you regret not having them there later on?
If your dad can swallow the awkwardness for a day and you’d be really sad not to have them there, then I say invite them. Despite circumstances like these, it is still YOUR day and I think your dad should understand that.
My SIL invited her grandmother AND her grandfather’s widow (her grandfather divorced her grandmother and remarried before he died). Somehow she was able to seat them so that neither one ever knew the other was there and both had a good time.
Again, I think if the pros of having them there outweigh the cons, you should have them there if it means a lot to you.
Post # 4
Very good advice – questions I’ve been asking myself since I’ve read it.
Post # 5
I have had similar issues with who to invite and who not to invite to avoid making others uncomfortable. In the end I invited everyone and as a result my uncle refuses to come to the wedding, it seems like your dad is willing to deal with the awkwardness so I say invite!
Post # 6
@maheu2012: Invite thrm. You want them there and it’s your dad’s responsibility to deal wirh his feelings.