(Closed) to invite or not to invite

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
4 posts
Wannabee

Wow, I can see where this would be really discouraging. Don’t give up on these new friends yet though. They may just be inviting you to parties instead of one on one plans until they feel comfortable enough with you to make more intimate plans. Some people are just naturally shy with new friends and it takes a while for them to get comfortable on, say, a dress shopping trip. And definitely don’t feel like an idiot for sending pics to your friends back home, I’m sure they love feeling included even though you live farther away now! Hopefully these girls will come around soon, and if not, you’ll find better friends anyway!

Post # 4
Member
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@SouthernComfort6: this.

But also, if your date is correct, you have a while before you need to figure out exactly who to invite. 

Post # 5
Member
828 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Maybe you should invite them to do something else like go to dinner to get to know them better before you ask them to do dress shopping with you.

Post # 8
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

are they all a close knit group? is that maybe why they don’t like being away from each other? Maybe its a thing they have. You could always ask them.

Invites I think don’t usually start till at least 4 months before the wedding? I started mine about 2 months before, because not everyone knows if they can make it out till that late anyway

Post # 9
Member
4336 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Some people send save-the-dates as far as a year in advance, but even if you do send them, you don’t HAVE to send them to everyone…you could just send them to the people who have to travel! If the wedding is in the same country/city as someone, then there is no reason to send the invite more than 2 months in advance.

Post # 10
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@aussie_norway: You can decide now who you absolutely 100% want to be there. You’d notify family and others who live far away soon about the details (through a personal message or STD). For the rest, just wait to say anything to them until much closer to the wedding. If you become close to them, then you can invite them to the wedding without reservation.

In the meantime you should keep meeting new people. Also, I know it might be disappointing, but it doesn’t sound like you can count on this new group to throw your pre-wedding parties for you. Maybe that’ll change, but you should give it some thought that it might not happen if you leave it up to them. 

Post # 11
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee

aussie_norway, I just wanted to say that I moved countries once and what you describe reminds me so much of my first years in my new home. People can be so weird and cliquish. My heart goes out to you. And you know, I’ve never, twenty years later, found good female friends here, so I’m in the same boat as you -going to try on dresses alone and how that feels. It’s so daunting I haven’t even done it yet.

Still, I do have a close knit group of people, so that will come in time.

For these folks, they may open up to you by the time the wedding rolls round, just see what happens. I agree with the other bees, just go with the flow for now until the time to send invitations comes out, and see where your friendship is then.

I’ve known a lot of people who have moved countries temporarily or permanently, and absolutely everyone has the same tales that you’re describing. You’re not alone. I think part of it, I don’t know, is that most people wouldn’t do something so adventurous/crazy and you are just on a different wavelength than they are. It’s what I’ve told myself over the years anyway, and it’s true that the people I’ve grown close to are all international – we understand eachother. Folks that follow more the beaten path, we don’t have so much in common.

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