- Sparkling Jules
- 9 years ago
- Wedding: October 2010
Ladies, I need some advice! I have decided to conquer as many DIY projects as possible for our wedding. Right now that includes all the inviations, thank you cards, envelopes, save the dates, table numbers, menus, and place cards. Lots of projects, I know, but hey I’ve always been ambitious! And I still have a little over 9 months until the big day! Invitations don’t need to go out until summer, but I have time to make them now before my next semester at school starts, so I’m planning to tackling this project within the next two weeks. After a two hour converstaion with my fiancee, crunching numbers and debating over whether or not it would be worth it to make our own envelopes (yes, we actually argued about this – blood pressure was rising!) it lead us to the inevitable question “Should we cut down our guest list again?”
See, we are having a smaller, more intimate wedding in the Finger Lakes where we got engaged. It is about 2 1/2 hours away from our hometown, so all of our guests will be traveling. We plan on inviting about 115 people, but we are expecting about 60 to actually attend. We have already eliminated the “and guest” and made the event adults only. But here is my dilemma: To invite my old best friend or not.
This issue has been stressing me out and in the back of my mind since we got engaged in November of 2008. This girl and I have been close friends since kindergarten…up until she got married in 2007. Long story short, her husband was in the Army and stationed in Iraq for the first 3 years of their relationship. While he was gone, he was quite controlling and never let her be with any of her friends. She would get upset/jealous that my man was here and hers wasn’t (totally understandable, but it began to interfere with our friendship). Anyways, when he got back to the states and moved back into our area, she was MIA. Of course, her man was finally home, why wouldn’t she want to spend all her time with him, especially after having to be apart for so long. But she lost contact with ALL of her friends. She moved out about 2 hours away and never told any of us, and when she’d come home (which was about twice a week) she never told us. The only time she contacted us was when she demanded my friends and I did things for her wedding (Since we were her only bridesmaids). After her wedding, again, we’ve barely talked aside from the holiday text messages and a happy birthday text.
About a year and a half after her wedding, we talked on the phone once and through tears, she says she misses all of us and wants to work on our friendship, and she was going to be home the next week and she wanted to get together. Well, the entire time she was home she did nothing but blow us off. Eventually, my friend and I stopped at her house just to say hi and spent more time catching up with her mom than her. It was the first time we had seen her since her wedding, and she barely talked to us. She sat across from us texting her husband the entire time, and left the room the other half. Granted, maybe we shouldn’t have stopped over, but she told us she wanted to work on our friendship and missed us, so we were making an effort.
By this point, you’re probably thinking why would I even entertain the idea of inviting her? Well, for starters her mom is pretty close with mine, so not inviting her might cause a lot of tension. We were friends for so long, and I feel like I need to maintain contact and put out effort, because I am honestly the only person who cares about her anymore after the falling out with all of her friends. Her husband isn’t exactly ideal, so I feel like I want her to know I’m here for her if she ever needed anything. I do care about her, as damaged as our relationship is. It may just be a lost cause which I may need to accept, but I guess I feel like a b*tch if I just forget about her.
So part of me wants to invite her to be courteous and becase I really would like it if she were to come. But part of me doesn’t want to invite her because I have put a lot of effort into our friendship and she has not reciprocated at all, so why should I keep trying? I honestly don’t think she would come, though, and if I did invite her and she declined, even though I’m expecting it, I would still be very hurt.
Sorry for writing a novel here! Just looking for some advice on what to do..