- 7 years ago
Well fellow Bees I can finally write here in the “Weddings” board because as of last Wednesday I am engaged!
This topic has been on my mind before, but now that I am engaged and will be planning a wedding at the beginning of the year, it’s come back to the forefront. It’s a little complicated, sorry
My mom was briefly married when she was young, and I was a result of that marriage. The guy was bad news, ending up in jail and when he heard that she was keeping me, he bailed. His parents were aware of me and (from their side of the story) wanted to see me several times, but my grandparents and my mom turned them away.
A couple years ago I became quite curious about who my sperm donor of a father was, and my fiance helped me find some of his siblings and his parents on Facebook. I wrote a little note to his mother, and a few days later we were talking on the phone. They live in Ohio and I would be passing through there that summer, so we arranged to meet for an afternoon. I always felt bad about telling my mom about this, mainly I felt like I was betraying her. My dad and fiance both encouraged me to meet them. They were nice people, but the more time I spent there the more I couldn’t wait to escape. I felt uncomfortable telling them details about my life and answering their questions about my family. When I asked for information about my sperm donor, I was given a picture and told that he lives in Florida. I never want to meet him, it’s just curiousity. (Although I am glad that I got all of my looks from my mom!)
When I got back home his parents both tried to continue talking with me through e-mail and Facebook, but eventaully I started to ignore the messages, and they stopped except for the occasional birthday or holiday greetings. A part of me feels bad, but I just wasn’t able to make a connection with these people. My fiance ended up writing to them on my behalf telling them that I was still adjusting to meeting them and whatnot, and I would contact them when I felt ready.
Anyway, my fiance has brought up the question on whether we should invite them to the wedding or not. He thinks we should. (I firmly believe in having a “we” wedding, not a “me” wedding, so his opinion counts) While they may be technically family, I have a hard time calling them that. I personally think it would be awkward explaining their prescence to friends and my fiance’s family, and I also know it would really upset my mom. Sigh. I don’t know what to do, Bees. Have any of you ever been in this situation? What did you do? Am I terribly evil if I don’t invite them?