(Closed) To Invite or Not to Invite?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I wouldn’t invite them. While I agree with you that it’s a “we” wedding and not a “me” wedding, it’s also a “people we love and want to celebrate with” wedding and not a “people we feel obligated to invite despite the fact that we have no relationship with them whatsoever, even if it’s not their fault” wedding. 

I get that they wanted to get to know you when you were young, and it’s not their fault that it never happened. But you have met them since and didn’t connect. If you had met them and bonded and really felt a sense of unity within yourself by having them in your life, that would be a different story. But to invite them out of a sense of obligation (they’re blood, therefore I have to invite them!) and guilt won’t do anyone any favors. 

And this is disregarding any feelings that other people might have (your mom, your friends and other family). I get that those things are important, too, but it comes down to how you feel about it. And though it is a “we” wedding, just because your fiancé thinks you should invite them doesn’t mean you have to. If you give in to what he wants just because you want to make sure he has a say, then you’re also ignoring your own instincts and it is less “we” than “he”. It has to be something that you’re both comfortable with. I know you know that, but don’t forget that in the face of making it an equal-input shindig. 

Post # 4
Member
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I don’t understand why it would upset your mom? It sounds like you want to invite your paternal grandparents and not your “sperm donor” father. I don’t know why she would be opposed to you having a relationship with them, unless they treated her terribly when she was with your father? I understand why she did not introduce them to you when you were growing up because that can be a lot for a child to handle.

Post # 5
Member
3471 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

Well, that’s a pretty sticky situation, and I can understand your delemma.  If it were me, I wouldn’t invite them; while your FI’s opinion matters– I think his reasons for inviting them is mostly a “because they’re family”, and I firmly believe that just because you’re blood related doesn’t mean you’re family. 

You obviously have little connection with these people, and honestly, at this stage in your like likely never will. Save the seats at your wedding for the family you do have a connection with (blood relatives or not). 

Post # 7
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@bubbles83:  If it is true your mom turned them away, how could they have contacted you to start a relationship?? Have you asked your mother and grandparents if that was true?

Post # 8
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2013

if you are not in close contact with them…..the next meeting you have probably shouldnt be on your wedding day. they might be fabulous people, but like you said, you were still getting to know them so what if they’re not? what if god forbid they end making a scene at the wedding.

out of respect for your mom also you should not invite them. if your mom has always been there and supported you all these years and will be there with you on your wedding day, you wouldnt want to do soemthing to purposely upset her.

Post # 9
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I would not invite. Perhaps you could send photos after the fact with a nice note.

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