Post # 1
Member
24 posts
Newbee
I’m planning on a wedding of about 100 guests. My parents side already has about 50. My FH’s dad & step mom only asked for about 10 people, including his step mom’s best friend and her husband, who also happens to be the owner of the place my FH used to work. Long story short, he doesn’t like his old boss much, and has put a strict no to inviting them, saying it’s his wedding and he doesn’t care what anyone else wants on the issue.
I just feel bad, knowing the wedding is going to be full of my family and his mother’s family, and his dad and step mom asked for so little, but he won’t even agree to it.
What’s the etiquette in this issue?
Post # 3
Member
6906 posts
Busy Beekeeper
Tell your Fi to suck it up and do something nice for his stepmom. You’ll both be so busy during your wedding that I bet he won’t spend more than 4 minutes with the ex-boss.
Post # 4
Member
968 posts
Busy bee
- Wedding: September 2014 - Banff, Alberta
@MintTurquoise: Who ever feels the strongest about it, does step-mom REALLY want him there? But I do agree that one person you don’t overly like at a large-ish wedding isn’t going to make or break the day. You won’t notice.
Post # 5
Member
1639 posts
Bumble bee
@MintTurquoise: It’s your FI’s wedding as as well as yours. If he does not want the man there, respect his wishes. He wants a happy day fulll of people he loves too. If this man will put a damper on the day, kindly tell SMIL that you want to respect your future husband and that couple can’t be invited.
Post # 6
Hostess
14026 posts
Honey Beekeeper
It’s your/your FI’s wedding day, but the day is also really important to your parents. This may be one where it’s worth allowing the invite to making his dad and step-mom happy. And really, on your wedding day, you’ll be spending most of your time with your bridal party (if you’re having one) and each other, of course. 🙂
Post # 7
Member
2980 posts
Sugar bee
It’s FIs place to deal with the issue, as long as he can do so rationally. He needs to sit down with his dad and step mom and explain why his old boss is not invited. Especially because it’s both his problem and his family.
Post # 8
Hostess
7564 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
I would let FI and his dad sort this one out. He should tell his parents how/why he doesn’t like his old boss. Do they even know?
Post # 9
Member
920 posts
Busy bee
If its not an issue of money or capacity, I’d say just invite them. Its an easy thing to give in to to give you leverage against their future requests that you REALLY don’t want.
Post # 10
Member
1662 posts
Bumble bee
Your FH should come before a SM friend. If it were her immediate family I might say otherwise.
Post # 11
Member
24 posts
Newbee
Thanks for all the input. I’ll probably have to discuss the issue further with my in-laws. His step-mom doesn’t have any family around here, so her best friend pretty much is her family, and her kids even call them auntie & uncle. Of course she is well aware of the issue, considering she manages the business they own.
I’m just treading lightly here, considering my FIL likes to guilt me when I don’t take them into enough consideration. I really don’t want to give them the short end of the stick.
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