To Invite or Not to Invite…

posted 7 months ago in Family
Post # 2
987 posts
Busy bee

It is up to him and you don’t have to decide anything right now. Your invitations don’t go out for months.

Post # 4
1800 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: Chateau Lake Louise

mrstobe_43 :  I’m not inviting any of my family to my wedding. In my case I have no doubts, but it’s long experience that got me here. 

Ultimately no one is entitled to a spot in your life. No one. People who aren’t respectful, who practice emotional blackmail, or who issue ultimatums aren’t people who have earned a place in your future. The fact that the person acting this way is his mother makes it more unforgivable, not less. 

You teach people how to treat you. If he were to relent and try to coax her to come, she’d likely act like a martyr and try to make him beg. It would also show her that acting that way is an effective means of getting her way. It’s a terrible precedent and totally counterproductive. 

He’s already done the hard right thing by calling her bluff. Giving in now just makes it worse, later. You don’t want someone at your wedding who feels nothing but nasty about you. How would you feel if she caused a scene? 

She has demonstrated her bad behavior. At this point she needs to earn back the privilege of being included in your lives. If she’s not willing make that effort, she doesn’t deserve to come. The only thing to regret is how much damage she’s already been allowed to cause.

Post # 6
1800 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: Chateau Lake Louise

mrstobe_43 :  Don’t get me wrong; I miss my mom. I wish she were someone who could be excited for me and get involved in planning and be a part of all this. But i know she can’t. She’s not capable of that and I can’t continue to let her hurt me or harm my relationship just because I wish things were different. 

He probably will be sad. It’s a process grieving for people you love but have had to exclude from your life for your own good. It’s better to be sad and sure you did the right thing, than sorry you let them back in to hurt you more. 

Good luck to you both and the family you are creating together.

Post # 7
8513 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

mrstobe_43 :  I think it comes down to does he want a relationship with her in the future and if so what would not inviting her mean to the likelihood of that.

I didn’t invite one of my siblings to our wedding but I have zero desire to ever have a relationship with them in the future. But I didn’t come to the decision to cut them out of my life lightly and they did way more than say a few things.

I also want to say that your husband should probably see a therapist. Mainly because of things you have said in your post which may indicate that he is a pleaser to the dominate female in his life and to make sure he really is making his own choices and isn’t just making choices that please you.

Post # 9
1429 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Invite her. Then if she doesn’t come it is on her.

Post # 10
1754 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

mrstobe_43 :  My dad is a drunk a-hole in denial, so I didnt invite him or any of his family. No regrets. 

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