Post # 1
I have a former coworker that I worked with for about 8 years. We were very close when we worked together, but still just on a “coworker” level (we would go to happy hours a few times a month, eat lunch together almost every day, but never hang out outside of work). She knew more about me than a lot of my acutal friends beucase I felt she was someone I could go to without judgement or worrying about gossip because she and I didn’t know any mutual people otherwise, and I would hope I was the same for her. She certainly heard my vent my frustrations about my fiance (then boyfriend!) because it took him forever to commit to even just a relationship when we first started dating!
Fast forward to today, 4 years later, and we have both moved on to different jobs and have lost touch for the most part, for no other reason other than we live far away from each other and work really was the thing that kept us close (no mutural friends, live 45 minutes away from each other, different interests, etc). We follow each other on social media and communicate here and there through that (happy birthday! jealous of your trip! etc) but that’s about it. She did message me when I was engaged and say how thrilled she was for me!
Anyway, I am torn if I should invite her to the wedding or not. If we were still coworkers, I would invite her 100%. In my gut I think I should invite her, because if the situation were switched, I would want to go to her wedding (All those painful years of complaining, chatting, about our love lives! I’d be so happy for her!). My only hesitation is I’m not sure if she would come/she doesnt’t know anyone else (and she’s single so I dont think she would bring a date). I don’t think that’s really a good reason to NOT invite someone, though? Just because they don’t know anyone else? She certainly wouldn’t be obligated to come but I don’t want the invitation to feel like it’s an obligation. What would you do?
Post # 2
No I would not invite them.
It sounds like you had a close relationship, that has passed.
Post # 3
how many people are you inviting? if this is one additional person out of 150, i say invite her (and give her the option of a plus one if she doesn’t know anyone else). if its a more intimate wedding of 30-40 people, she may be out of place since it doesn’t sound like your relationship is that close anymore.
Post # 4
This is exactly what I had in my mind but couldn’t find the right words to put it together LOL
Post # 5
I would only invite coworkers you see outside of the office in any case and you have no real relationship with her at all at this point. I’d be very surprised to be invited in her place.
Post # 6
- Wedding: February 2018 - UK
I had a similar relationship with a co-worker, he left the company about 2 years before I got married. I invited him and his wife to the wedding, they accepted, but they were no-shows. With hindsight, I wouldn’t invite them if I had the time again, not just because they didn’t turn up, but because the friendship really wasn’t the same by that point.
Post # 7
I wouldn’t invite her. You’re not close anymore and probably won’t be close in the future.
Post # 8
I’d invite her. It’s her choice if she accepts. I’ve been to several weddings alone where I didn’t know anyone and had a great time. I don’t like it when people don’t invite me because they make assumptions that I wouldn’t want to go.
Post # 9
Thanks. Our invite list is 200+ (2021 wedding, hoping covid runs it’s course!) but we have a smaller back up 100 person guest list just in case some restrictions are still in place (and if weddings are still not allowed at all by then I will just cry, haha). I am thinking what you are saying makes sense. Add her to the larger guest list but not the smaller.
Post # 10
Thanks. This is the exact reason I was considering not inviting her but it just seemed wrong. I’m glad to hear some perspective from someone in the same situation!
Post # 11
If it’s 200 people, invite! If 100 or less, then maybe she gets cut.
Post # 12
I don’t see the harm in sending an invite. If she doesn’t want to come then she’ll politely decline. An invite isn’t a summons. But also she could want to come. Just because you aren’t as close doesn’t mean she wouldn’t enjoy celebrating with you.
I would give her a +1 though if she won’t really know anyone else at the wedding, even if she’s single.
Post # 13
Yes, I will definitley give her a plus1!
Post # 14
I personally probably wouldn’t …. I have several work buddies that I do not work with any longer, we too keep in touch VIA social media, but we don’t invite each other to birthdays or get togethers so I wouldn’t think to invite them to my wedding… I do agree that if I was still working with that person I would invite them, but not now.
Post # 15
I would just invite her. Even if you give her a plus 1 it would only be two extra people which in the gram scheme of things is not a lot, especially if you are so torn about it. And then it’s her choice if she wants to come or not if she’s not comfortable wi not knowing anyone. I don’t think it would feel like an obligation. She could easily just come up with an excuse as to why she isn’t able to come of she feels bad declining.