Post # 1
This is kind of a long complicated story, so I’ll do my best to make it short and simple.
My FI grew up with his cousin, they’re only a matter of months apart and they also went to college and roomed together. A few years ago (before me), this cousin came out to the family that he was gay -he told everyone, everyone that is except my fiance. I think my fiance was really hurt that his cousin didn’t feel like he could come out to him also given that they were not only cousins but best friends as well. So they haven’t talked for years and my fiance makes sure he’s never at a family function if his cousin will be there also and vice versa (therefore I have never met this cousin).
So when we got engaged in February my fiance kind of had a change of heart and decided that he wanted to ask his cousin to be a groomsmen. So he asked, and his cousin turned him down. The whole family was stunned that the cousin turned down my fiancé’s request, even his Aunt and Uncle were angry with their son.
So now that I’m about to send out the save the dates I’m wondering if I should invite this cousin even though my fiance has very explicitly told me that he doesn’t want his cousin there. I just feel bad inviting everyone else and not him, it would be so obvious. I know I’ve never met him before but still, it just feels rude.
I guess my question is, do I go against my fiancé’s wishes and invite his cousin or no???
Post # 3
I would NOT go against his wishes. It’s his family, and therefore, his choice I believe. This isn’t something you should dictate.
Post # 4
It would be a poor precedent to go against your FI’s wishes…especially when he DID extend an invite (in the form of a GM invitation) and was already turned down. That probably really hurt his feelings. Having his cousin RSVP no again? Not so much…
Post # 5
I understand both of your sides and I have been leaning in the direction of not inviting him, but I was speaking with his mother and brother about it and they brought up the fact that it might be rude to invite the cousin’s parents and sister but not him. I don’t know, I would really hate to start off our marriage badly if the unwanted cousin did happen to show up….
Post # 6
This is something that should be left to your FI to decide. If he wants to invite him so it doesn’t look rude or weird then that’s up to him, but I wouldn’t do anything without talking to him first – in fact I’d be leaving everything to do with this issue up to him, especially seeing as it’s such a sensitive issue.
Post # 7
I would not invite him. Your FI may change his mind in the coming months and that would be the time to add him to the list. This is an interfamily matter and is best to leave it that way. I have always found it best to stay out of those matters.