(Closed) Old bff..heartbreaking! Second guessing invite! Help!

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3152 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

@SunshineLovin:  Sorry to say this, but this girl is not your friend. Sending her an invite would just make you feel worse (she won’t respond). Hopefully you have other women in your life that you can count on. It’s time to move past her.

Post # 4
Member
9947 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@SunshineLovin:   It is very normal to feel that way because you have a kind heart.  However, you’re setting yourself up for pain upon pain if you send her an invitation just to be rejected.  Your ex-friend is a narcissist and she won’t change her ways or ever feel guilty.

Try to be happy and at peace with the blessings and joy you have in your life now.  Be glad the poison is out!  I know it’s hard for a normal, healthy person to wrap their mind around the fact that they were friends and loved and cared for a sociopathic personality type.  Been there!  But if you bring this person back into your life you will deeply regret it.

Let her go and focus on the people in your life who REALLY LOVE YOU.  She doesn’t and never did.

Post # 5
Hostess
3368 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I know how hurtful this is, but this girl is NOT your friend. Anyone who says “I am better than you and have more going for me” is someone that you should not have in your life. Remove her and memories of “friendship” with her, because this girl sounds like poison. 

You deserve so much better than how she is treating you! It sounds like it’s a good thing that everything happened before the wedding hon. Major hugs coming your way. Focus on the people who really do love you! There are tons 🙂

Post # 7
Member
3306 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I would just add that you don’t have to exorcise any and all GOOD memories you had with this girl. If I were you (and I have been down this road before), I would remember the good times, appreciate the friendship for what it was in the past and move forward without her.

Please don’t invite her to your wedding. I understand why you seek her approval; it’s because you don’t want to be the one left holding the bag. That is, if she eventually comes around and says “well I would have made up with you, but you didn’t invite me to your wedding, so really this is all your fault,” then you might feel that you are in part to blame. This is poisonous and dangerous. She sounds like a narcissist. Trust us, it’s better you found this out now and you should feel no guilt at all for doing what is necessary to protect your heart and mind from her hurtfulness.

Best wishes!

Post # 8
Member
2095 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

She isn’t your friend. I’m sorry this happened. My Boyfriend or Best Friend did something very similiar & then wanted to be close again once she was pregnant. She couldn’t stand that I was getting married & she was single. But once she got pregnant all of a sudden it was ok. No thanks. 

 

Yes. It’s ok to be sad. There are so many times I think to call her but no…she was crappy to me. She was supposed to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. I just chose my dresses. I was sad. But I don’t want anyone near me that behaves that way. You don’t deserve it either. 

Post # 9
Member
2188 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

@SunshineLovin This girl is toxic and not your friend. I understand it’s hard to let go of a long friendship (I had to do it after 25 years of a friendship) and it is heartbreaking, I felt like a piece of me was missing, then it started to get better because I was a happier person and didn’t have her negativity/jealousness around me. I promise it will get better, it’s just hard right now because you are doing your invited (DONT invite her), once you are done with the wedding and don’t have the drama you’ll feel relieved you didn’t bring it back in to your life!

Also how is your sister?

Post # 12
Member
2188 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

@SunshineLovin So glad to hear that your family is excited for the arrival of your nephew/niece. It sucks that your other sister isn’t happy about the preganancy, hopefully when it gets closer to due date she’ll be excited!

Post # 13
Member
7208 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@SunshineLovin:  I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. I went through a friend-divorce from someone I’d been EXTREMELY close to about 18 months ago. That term “friend-divorce” is very fitting. We tend to act like romantic relationships breaking up are perfectly acceptable reasons to get depressed, but somehow friend relationships… we’re just supposed to get over it. 

Personally, I read a book called The Friend Who Got Away about friendships between women that broke up. It made me realize I was not alone in this. Then I went to counseling. I felt a little weird about it at first, but you know what? Breaking up with a girl-friend HURTS and I needed to talk about it. 

It sounds like, as much as it hurts, you’re better off. 18 months later, I am no longer hurt even though I do sometimes think about her. I realize now that she was really using me a lot of the time and it wasn’t fair. You’re probably even more emotional because of wedding stuff already… but this will pass and your life will be better having removed a toxic person from it. 

Post # 14
Member
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@SunshineLovin:  I went through the same thing. My best friend for many years was the Maid/Matron of Honor in my wedding but decided on the anniversary of my fathers death and 3 months before my wedding day that she wanted nothing to do with me or my wedding. Why? Because I talked about my wedding to much.. I felt like somthing would be missing from my wedding day. I cried myself to sleep so many nights because she wasn’t going to be there! But in the end our day was perfect! I had my husband, I had my kids, I had my family and my TRUE FRIENDS!! I didn’t think about her once that day! Your day will be perfect without this person there! Just keep your head up and know that you are better off with out selfish people in your life. You want people there who are truly happy for you! Good luck

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