- 8 years ago
- Wedding: July 2012
HELP! I am looking for a little advice. I am not sure if I want to invite my parents/brothers or not to the wedding. A part of me says yes, a part of me says no….what do you suggest. Here goes the story:
First, I am 38 years old, been married before and have two wonderful children. My Fiance has never been married. We live in Illinois but all of his family live in Missouri. So we are planning to hold our ceremony and reception in Missouri but right now the only family members on my side that are invited is my eldest brother, his wife and three boys. I haven’t invited my parents or my two youngest brothers. Here is the reasoning. About a year and a half ago, my parents, my eldest brother, my Fiance and I all had a lashing out over something totally stupid (deer hunting) brought on my parents. Normally I deer hunt on land that my father (step-father that is) has leased. He was being really picky about me hunting back there while he wasn’t there (he had to work, I was on vacation). My parents are the type of people who love to cause drama to begin with! And are jealous because their children are doing much better than they are in life -weird, I know but seriously they are. They get upset if we get something new and they don’t, etc. After a few words were exchanged, I said that I wouldn’t hunt on the land if he wasn’t there. However, he only wants me in the woods with him so I can drag his deer out for him, etc. Basically to be his gopher. Well, I decided not to go back to hunting on the leased land because I couldn’t go out hunting without his presence (hello, I am a grown woman and I am not always going to be his gopher). He didn’t want me to have a chance in shooting a big buck that was running out there. Anyhow, this stirred up more drama. He (dad) showed up at my eldest brothers house and started swinging punches at my Fiance thinking that he is the one who told me not to go hunting anymore. Dad started it – my Fiance back was to him (sitting on a running 4-wheeler) as dad pulled up in the driveway and got out of his truck in a flash. My Fiance didn’t strike him back but arguing commenced. My eldest brother took off after my dad and ended up pushing him down and told him to get off his land and that he had no right coming over and starting crap. Well, it continued to escalate until we had to call the sheriff to have dad removed from the property…he finally left before the sheriff got there. Now, my youngest two brothers are his biological children – they stick by his side all the time. My eldest brother and I are step-children and have always been treated differently! So my youngest two brothers got in on all the drama and I told them to shove it and we haven’t talked since either.
So now, it has been a year and a half and none of us have talked. We see each other on occasion at the store or ball games, etc. Everything, of course, has mellowed out and our (my eldest brother’s, my Fiance and I) lives are so much more at peace. No drama what so ever. However, a part of me feels guilty that I have not made the attempt to even invite them to the wedding or the reception.
My question is….should I be the bigger person and just send them an invite to be courteous and kind or should I leave it alone and not even attempt to invite them? My 12-year old son is going to be walking me down the aisle. My 16-year old daughter will be my Maid/Matron of Honor. I plan to have my eldest brother light my side of the unity candle and my Fiance father is going to light his side of the unity candle since his mother passed away when he was only eight. I have all my bases covered with the ceremony but should I or should I not invite them….knowing that they probably won’t come anyhow?
Thank you for listening!