- 8 years ago
- Wedding: December 2010
Hoping you ladies will weigh in on a guest list dilemma for me…
- my 2nd marriage, FI’s 1st marriage
- my 1st wedding was weekend in Vegas with only us & 2 guests
- my guest was my Maid/Matron of Honor, a very good friend of about 10 years
- we (ex-hub & I) paid to fly her to Vegas from NYC & paid hotel for 3 nights @ Venetian as well as all meals, entertainments, etc.
Seemed like after I got married, Maid/Matron of Honor became distant & we didn’t talk or email as frequently as we used. I lived on west coast, she on east coast but we’d usually get together around Christmas/New Year’s one place or the other and in the spring I’d travel to Vegas where she’d be attending a convention every year.
We had a falling-out 11/06… She asked me to come spend the weekend after Thanksgiving with her in NYC since I’d be about an hour away for the actual holiday with my family. We made plans that I’d spend Friday-Monday with her @ her NYC apartment, even though my family wanted to spend time & do stuff (Radio City Music Hall Xmas show, Rockefeller Center, a Broadway show, etc.). We confirmed plans the Sunday before Thanksgiving & I arrived on Monday so I could have a few days with family members. I called her both Wednesday & Thursday to discuss the train schedule & left messages—no reply. Sent text messages—no reply. I didn’t hear from her and ended up spending a good deal of my vacation alone since my family had already purchased tickets for various things and I had declined ordering tickets since I was to be with Maid/Matron of Honor. I did not hear from her until Tuesday morning at 4 AM as I was packing to go back home… Text asked if we could do lunch, so I replied only if it was on the plane since I was leaving.
I didn’t hear from her for a a few days so I called, then eventually sent an email letting her know that I was extremely hurt and disappointed that she had stood me up & that she hadn’t even had the decency to call, text, email, etc. She replied back with an apology saying that she had been very busy & stressed with work and made a mistake on the dates & thought I was in town the following week… Um yeah… I was going to stay until the 2nd weekend after Thanksgiving… Ooookay.
I responded & said I accepted her apology but I was hurt because it was not the first time she had flaked on plans (never before to that extreme) and cited my surprise 25th birthday party that she planned & then did not show up (yes, really). She was offended that I was still upset & we basically stopped talking, emailing etc. About 5 months later I had emergency surgery & almost died. A mutual friend informed her & she sent me some flowers at the hospital. I called & left a message thanking her & telling her that I loved her & wanted to mend fences. She responded via text saying that she too wanted to bury the hatchet & reminded me that her Vegas trip was coming up. I agreed to meet her in Vegas & travelled there only to never hear from her—no returned calls or texts. Luckily, I travelled with a friend so we had a blast. I basically wrote her off at that point.
I received one drunken 3 AM phone call from her cell phone in late 2007 from some guy she was seeing (who I didn’t know) saying how much she missed me & wanted to be friends… I told him that she could call me at a decent hour & talk to me herself. Didn’t hear anything. In 2009 I moved to the east coast & sent her an email with my new address & phone number & said that we should get together. No response. Thanksgiving 2009 I received an email saying that she wanted to be friends again. I replied that we should talk & she responded “we should start with email & take baby steps.” Whatever. I felt that either she wants to be friends or she doesn’t & told her the ball was in her court. She sent me a Facebook friend request & I never heard anything else from her.
Fast forward to last May when I updated my Facebook status to engaged. A few days later, she sends me a private message congratulating me on my engagement and telling me she’d be thrilled to “reprise her Maid/Matron of Honor duties” for my upcoming wedding. I thanked her for her congrats & left it at that. Since then, I’ve received emails, FB messages & 2 cards in the mail from her. She goes on & on about how excited & happy she is for me & asks if I’ve decided on colors, where is it taking place, who are the *other* bridesmaids, etc. I politely replied that details are not final but we are having a small, intimate wedding with just family & that budget is an issue & thanks for understanding. She responded that she will pay for her own plate, but she just HAS to be there. I didn’t respond, just left it alone.
Today I received another email from her “checking if I received her messages.” She went on about how thrilled she is & how she will be moving to San Francisco in October, but she wants to buy her plane ticket now & book her hotel. She also asked about ordering her Bridesmaid or Best Man dress & shoes, etc…
I typed all of this to ask you ladies what you thought—if I should invite her or not & if I should make her a Bridesmaid or Best Man but after typing it all out and reflecting on how things have transpired, I think the answers are “no” & “no.”
Anyone feel there is any reason to invite her to even attend? I do think it will likely cement the coffin on our friendship, but I guess I’m okay with that since we haven’t had an active friendship for almost 4 years now & even prior, she had some interesting moments
How do I handle the response? Just ignore the emails? Reply back & tell her my feelings?
Thanks ladies if you read all of that & respond