(Closed) To Invite or Not To Invite (sorry, it’s long)

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should she be invited and/or a bridesmaid?
    No, neither : (11 votes)
    37 %
    Yes, invitation but as guest only, not bridesmaid : (7 votes)
    23 %
    Yes, invitation & bridemaid to patch up friendship : (0 votes)
    Helllllll No! : (12 votes)
    40 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    5889 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2012

    i wouldn’t even invite her.  sounds like this is a completely one sided friendship and she’s worse than just flaky- she’s downright selfish.  it sounds like you don’t even have a relationship anymore, and remember why- it is with good reason!  don’t fall into this trap- she will only disappoint you again.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1030 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I say reply back and thank her again for the cards and warm wishes, but your wedding doesn’t feel like the appropriate time to rebuild a friendship after all that has happened, and you’d love to get together for lunch and start over from scratch but sadly you won’t be including her in the festivities. Or something along those lines.

    Post # 5
    Member
    5889 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2012

    i wouldn’t even invite her.  sounds like this is a completely one sided friendship and she’s worse than just flaky- she’s downright selfish.  it sounds like you don’t even have a relationship anymore, and remember why- it is with good reason!  don’t fall into this trap- she will only disappoint you again.

    Post # 6
    Member
    4001 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    Being honest, no, I don’t think you should invite her.  You’re having an intimate wedding.  Family and I assume truly close friends.  She obviously doesn’t fall into either category.  She wasn’t a very good friend to you at all.  I wouldn’t hold a grudge but I’d move on without her. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    3866 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    all things considered, I’d go with “no way”.  probably add on a few “colorful metaphors” as Spock would say 😉 

    Seriously, after all that?  I’d say doesn’t deserve to be called “friend” let alone the honor of Maid/Matron of Honor.  I’ve had people who I thought were friends, then when we parted ways from jobs or whatever, they dropped all contact and would ignore any attempt I made at contacting them.  After my third try, I let it go.  but that’s me. 

    I have friends now who I can send a message on FB or text and we’ll chat for a while about anything and everything then go days/weeks without talking!!!  that’s how friends should be, in my opinion. 

    don’t invite her and just ignore her. sounds like she only wants to be a “friend” when it suits HER (like when you’re going to be paying her way or for a big event where she can have a big part). 

    sorry you have to deal with this. 🙁 a real shame she dropped the ball, cause it sounds like you were real good friends at the start.

    Post # 8
    Member
    5889 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2012

    who voted “yes”??  show yourself!!! lol

    Post # 9
    Member
    7152 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    You guessed it, “No” and “NO” and I am shocked that she even assumed that she’d be the MOH!! The audacity!!

    Post # 10
    Member
    7173 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    HELLS NO you shouldn’t invite her or make her a Bridesmaid or Best Man.

    You definitely can’t leave things the way they are.

    You need to respond to her assumptive email in whatever manner that is most comfortable for you.  There are a lot of different routes you can take on this (meaning, call her out on not being a friend) but I’d leave that beast alone, personally.  She sounds like she’s a drama-seeker and that will just fuel the fire.

    Thank her for being excited about this season of your life, but tell her that you and Fiance have finalized the guest list and are not able to have her attend.  Wish her well and call it a day. 

    I think keeping it short and to the point will be best.  And brace yourself for the angry response email.

    If you wanted to address the lack of friendship – you could say something to acknowledge the fact that in the past, you and her were close, but since you have drifted over the years, the happy memories of your friendship are still dear to you.  Or something of to that nature – but, I’d leave it alone.

    Post # 11
    Member
    7173 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    LOL – ok, I typed the HELLS NO in my response before seeing the poll choices.  I kind of felt bad about typing “HELLS NO” and being so strong… but now I’m just cracking up!!!

    Post # 12
    Member
    31 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Honestly I would not invite her to your wedding, Keep your relationship on facebook and easy.

    Sometimes people are at a negative point in their life and they blow off everyone around them due to one force, spouse, boyfriend, job, so I really cannot speak for her past. But as far as you and your wedding planning go, and her involvement, start off with baby steps. It isn’t as if she is your closest friend anymore. She has missed a lot.

    Post # 13
    Member
    2201 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I’d take a cue from her responses – say that “Unfortunately, we had to reduce the guest list, but I would interested in meeting up with you after the wedding to catch up. If you are interested in rebuilding our friendship, I think starting with email and working back from that would be the best way.”

    Post # 16
    Member
    1995 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I would have to blatenly say sorry, you are not a bridesmaid and the guest list is family only.  sorry.  wish things could be different, but you’ve had your chances so they’re not.

    goodbye.

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