Post # 1
This is my first post and I’m hoping you all can impart some solid advice!
Here is the story:
I work in a small office there are only four of us upstairs and two guys in the warehouse. There are two other women who telecommute from their homes about a half hour away. I’m close with those ladies as we talk all day long about work and life. There is one other young lady in the office with me who is my age. We get along and have hung out outside of work (we are each others in office support). Her and her long term BF are invited for sure.
My problem is I would really like too invite the other two ladies and their husbands but I feel like if I do that then I have toinvite my boss(who sits right next to me at the office). We are having a fairly small wedding 80 ppl. We don’t really have room to invite people we dont really want there. So it gets more complicated… I don’t really want to invite my boss but I feel like his feelings would be hurt if I didn’t. But even worse if I do invite him then there is one person in our 4 person tiny office that isn’t invited… and I have NO desire to have him there.
I have worked here 4 years and I know my fellow employees including my boss consider our group to be close knit. I don’t want to hurt feeling but I don’t know how to get around it.
I know people say to not care and invite whomever you want but I work very close with these people… Right NEXT to the boss! Ugh this is giving me so much anxiety…
Do you think I could get away with saying I just invited the women cause they are the ones who like weddings… Appeal to the sexism lol?
Post # 3
Sorry, I think you have to invite him.
The key to not hurting anyone’s feelings with wedding invites is to invite in groups. If some cousins are invited, all cousins should be invited. In this same way, if some coworkers are invited out of a tiny office, all coworkers (including your boss) should be invited.
Post # 4
I think you should invite and cross your fingers that they “regretfully decline”.
Post # 5
Of course it is ultimately your call, but in this case with such a small office and your boss being the person in question I would invite them. Best case scenario they don’t attend and you get a sweet gift. Worst case scenario they do attend, you have to pay for two people, but you still get a sweet gift and the boss feels personally invested in you.
Post # 6
yup, definitely invite him.
Post # 7
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
I think either you invite only the coworker that you socialize with, or all or none of them.
Post # 9
I am a little torn. My first instinct was to say invite him, but going along with the “invite people in groups” advice, you could look at the women you’re inviting as a group in that you hang out with them outside of work. They are your friends, not just coworkers, correct?
I work in a pretty small office, too (but larger than yours – about 15 people). I am inviting only 3 coworkers because we are friends outside of work & they’d be invited even if we didn’t work together. I still feel a little awkward about it, but I think it’s easier than your situation because there are far more coworkers NOT invited than invited, so it’s not only 1 or 2 people being excluded.
It’s just hard since your boss would be the ONLY person in your tiny office not invited… Ultimately, I think you should invite him. Sorry, I know that sucks when it’s not something you want to do.
Post # 10
Thanks for all the advice… This is kind of what I didn’t want to hear 🙁
Maybe it will help clarify a little: if I only invite the three women it’s 3 out of 7 people invited.. All the women no men. I can’t invite all 7 because of our budget and guest amount limits. And I’m really not close AT ALL with the two warehouse guys… The fourth guy in my office that is not my boss is someone I would never want at my wedding…
The problem is I really don’t want my boss or the other guys in my personal life at all. The ladies I have been much closer to and they will be the ones covering for me while I’m on my honeymoon.
I have also thought about calling one of the other ladies and seeing what she would advise… Telling her I can’t invite everyone but I would like the girls there and see what she says? Or would that be rude to her if she helps me conclude that I can’t invite her? I thought maybe then it wouldn’t hurt her feelings cause she would understand the pickle I’m in?
thanks again for the words of wisdom!
Post # 11
I think you could ask for advice, but ONLY from the woman/women you know for certain will be invited. Don’t ask anyone who might get crossed off the list. A coworker will understand your office dynamics better than we do, and can probably offer some feedback on whether or not your boss will be offended, or if it will be awkward if you exclude him.
Post # 12
I would invite the ladies and your boss. You seem to want him there but don’t want to use the headcount… but with the other people you say you absolutely don’t want them there. I take that to mean you don’t get along/have no friendship so I wouldn’t worry about whether they get offended or not- how could they possibly expect an invitation?
Post # 13
Its a sticky situation in which my Fiance is kinda going through. I keep telling him to invite them all and we will just deal with it. He has worked there for 11years…I think you should invite the boss and the ladies. Don’t worry about the other guys feelings. I am sure he doesnt even care. If you can afford all three of them plus there guest then do it so you can stop stressing about it. If you can totally not afford it then make your decision and stick with it. However,you said the 2 ladies work outside of the office so your boss will never know that they were invited in the first place, and not even question it. So just tell the ladies that you couldn’t invite everyone at the office and to not say anything….
I did the same kinda thing. I currently dont work but I was close with a bunch of ladies from my past job. I invited 2 of them and their husbands. All three of us do not work there anymore but still hang out. However, the other two ladies that still work there I didnt invite and told my other two friends not to say anything. I don’t ever hang out with them anymore, but felt bad because they had been there for me all through our relationship and were so happy for me when I got engaged…but a budget it a budget. Our guest list is already at 180…YIKES.
Sorry so long…good luck
Post # 14
Thanks again ladies… I think my brain is going to explode over this one… You have all been very sweet to take the time to reply to my dilemma!
Post # 15
I believe in the all or nothing rule. I work in a small office as well. I get along well with the other girls in the office. The guys in the shop, are all right and I had initially planned on inviting everyone to the wedding. After a huge falling out with my boss and words were said that can never be taken back, I have made the decicion to not invite him. There for, none of my co-workers will be invited. I can see hurt feelings either way, but if you are having a small family only wedding, like we are, your co workers will understand if they are not invited.