Post # 1
*EDIT: Save the Dates and/or Invites are not going our anytime soon – this has just been on my mind because we are working on our guest list. And I totally understand anything can happen in 1+ year, just getting initial thoughts. 🙂
So, long story short, my fiance and his sister had a MAJOR falling out this past summer/fall. I was “guilty by association” and his sister no longer “likes” me either and has not only said horrible things to/about him, but also me because apparently my fiance and I are one person and whatever he says/does I agree with… according to her
I am all about being the bigger person and when sending out invites for our June 2013 wedding, sending one to his sister as well, thinking she won’t even show.. but at least we are being the bigger people.
My fiance DOES NOT want to even invite her. It’s his worry that she would show, to spite us, and he would be pissed and upset on our wedding day, which he does not want. He says that it’s our day, it should be the happiest day of our lives and he doesn’t want her there to “ruin it” or put him in a bad mood.
I am torn! I think we should at least invite her, but he is adament about not inviting her to our wedding.
Yes, I know our wedding is a WAYS out and things could change, but I really don’t anticipate that happening. They are both very hard headed and I don’t see either of them backing down. They are going on not speaking for over 3 months – even when they have been at the same place at the same time for family functions.
She said some very hurtful things to us and has kept us from seeing our nephew or being in his life (which KILLS us because we became very attached to him as they lived with us for a few months).
Bottom line is – do we invite her or not?
Post # 3
At this point, I would say no. But keep your options open and maybe leave a space in your guest figuring just in case things turn around with her. Summer 2013 is over a year away, and you’re right in not knowing how things will pan out. Reconciliation is definitely something to hope for.
Post # 4
Please don’t send save-the-dates any earlier than 6-9 months before the wedding, and invites more than 8-10 weeks, so…at this point, a LOT can change, so I don’t think you need to worry about whether to invite her now.
Post # 5
@red_rose: Oh absolutely NOT sending out Save the Date or invites ANYTIME soon – it has just been weighing heavily on me lately because we are working on our guest list – which is why I’m thinking about it NOW.
Reconsiliation is defintiely the best option, in my opinion, unfortunately, not something I can MAKE happen.
Here’s to hoping! 🙂
Post # 6
Your wedding is over a year away. A million things can change before then. I wouldn’t even consider sending invitations now, unless they’re to guests who are living far overseas.
Until then, just see how things pan out. And to be honest, I wouldn’t be worrying one ounce about whether she’s going to come to the wedding or not. You and your fiance need to work on patching things up just enough so you can see your nephew.
There is NOTHING worse, and I mean nothing, when a child gets dragged into family disputes because the adults are having quarrels. Address this with your man’s sister and at least try and have some sort of agreement where whilst you may not get on, at least allow those who are not involved in the fight still be able to see eachother.
Post # 7
I have a very similar situation to yours- it is really important that you still invite her I believe.
Despite the hurtful comments, negative feelings, and other family drama, at the end of the day that is his SISTER. That relationship, despite being broken, is one of the most important you can have. Even if they are on non-talking terms, not inviting her could just be the nail in the coffin. If 10 years, when hopefully both of them are able to step back and realize how immature all of the drama is, you don’t want to look back and regret not at least extending the offer. If she shows, she shows, if she doesn’t…she doesn’t. You are going to have so many other things going on, people to see, etc. if she wants to be in a bad mood you probally wont even notice.
Being the bigger person is one of the hardest things to do when you have to do it ALL THE TIME, and even when you just get stomped all over each time. But who do you want to be in life? Aren’t you just letting her get the better of you both if you don’t invite her?
With this much time still until the wedding I would say for you and your Fiance to just maintain communication, express your feelings, and talk to the rest of your family about it.
Post # 8
First I’d say definitely wait and give it time, you never know what might happen between now and then.
I think too, right, wrong or indifferent, we make the mistake of letting family get away with things that we shouldn’t, just because they are ‘flesh and blood’. If a friend was treating you this way, would you invite them? I imagine the answer is a big NO!
You deserve to have people who love you, respect you, and support both you and your Fiance at your wedding. Just because she is his sister doesn’t give her a free pass to be a you-know-what and still get an invite. There should be consequences to bad behavior in relationships (friends AND family) – like not being included on special days.
Also, if he feels it would be upsetting to him, then that should really be your bottom line. It’s his day too, and his sister, and if he’d experience anxiety over worrying whether she’d show up or not, it isn’t worth it! There will be other opportunities for them to mend their relationship in the future without both his and your happiness as it relates to your wedding day taking a hit.
Post # 9
@MrsTahoe: Thank you so much for a differing view! You’re absolutely right, just because she’s family doesn’t give her a free pass, if it were a friend acting this way, off the guest list immediately. Still hoping they can mend their relationship before the wedding, but I appreciate your view. 🙂
Post # 10
My gut reaction is to leave the decisions about his family up to him. Of course it would be wonderful if they patched things up and were happy to be together on your wedding day, but I think I would make it his call whether to invite her or not.
Post # 11
You shouldn’t be worrying about this now. Your wedding isn’t until June 2013!!!!!!!!!! I mean really!!! So much can and will change in a years time. Put your energy elsewhere and STAY OUT of their business. Let them sort it out.
When it comes time to do your guest list decide then, however the right thing to do is to invite her. You can’t and shouldn’t assume how she will behave on your wedding day!!!
Post # 12
@LJ7360: My pleasure! 🙂
I’ve not had anything quite like that within my family, but I’ve definitely have had moments within my family where people just behave terribly and feel they can get away with it cause ‘well, we’re family and you have to love me anyway’. I think that’s ridiculous! If they can’t make an effort to be especially nice because you are family, why should you go out of your way to include them when they are being awful?