(Closed) To Invite or Not to Invite: We've reached an impasse

posted 4 years ago in Guests
  • poll: Would you invite this guest?

    No - You don't like her, and you have friends who you DO like who could be attending instead.

    Yes - Only if FMIL and FFIL pay for her seat.

    Yes - She's been around for a long time.

    Other - explain in comments

  • Post # 16
    Member
    612 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2018

    Um, sorry. If the brothers were moving in with anybody else you wouldn’t invite them… Right? She’s not your friend. If someone brings her as the plus one, fine. But if you don’t like her, being a roommate to someone you do like is does not constitute an invitation.

    Post # 17
    Member
    1415 posts
    Bumble bee

    You provided a lot of justification but I think it’s simple – you don’t like her, don’t invite her. She’s not even a relative

    Post # 18
    Member
    27 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: July 2017

    That would be a big negative! I had to decide against inviting a mutual friend with a similar “make everything about me” personality and it was simple. . .this is MY day, so I don’t have any desire to have someone around who’s going to try and detract from that. Let her stay at home.

    Post # 19
    Member
    5521 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I wouldn’t invite her, and I wouldn’t give it a second thought, either. It sounds like you are inviting close friends and family only, she is neither, so it’s pretty simple and not remotely an issue.

    I could perhaps see your FIL’s point of view if you were inviting the random housemates of all other friends and relatives (though even then you still shouldn’t have to invite someone you dislike), but you aren’t, so there is literally no issue here. 

    Post # 20
    Member
    457 posts
    Helper bee

    It sounds like she is a family friend of your Fiance and all his family, and she hasn’t done anything that bad to you, so I say invite her. Not worth the drama. Yes its $110 but thats small in the scheme of things. You say you will have to work overtime but it seems unlikely your budget is so finely tuned that one extra person would turn your wedding from easily affordable to financial disaster. Anyway I’m sure at least a few of your other guests will decline, so it won’t come out as more expensive. It would seem a bit petty to ask you FPIL to send over $110, as your parents are presumably paying for many people they don’t know – members of FIs extended family etc. 

    Post # 22
    Member
    6216 posts
    Bee Keeper

    View original reply
    topshelfprincess :  She really sounds like the type that, if not invited, is going to harangue one of the brothers into taking her as a date.  Since they like her enough to be roommates, it won’t even be all that difficult, I’d bet (unless they’ve got girlfriends).  And then I’d imagine you’d hear comments about how you “forgot” her invitation but luckily so-and-so was happy to bring her along.  Additionally if she’s pissed, those poor boys are going to have an earful which, while not your problem, would still be nice to avoid.

    Just to sidestep all the potential drama, I’d just suck it up and invite her, but no +1.  Seat her with the brothers.  If she complains, tell her you simply couldn’t accommodate another person.  Better still just “I’m sorry you feel that way” and don’t make an excuse at all. Or ignore her if that’s feasible.  And I agree that if she tries to change the subject (any subject) to be about her, you can just change it back as though that comment never happened at all.

    I don’t understand this line: “I’m leaning toward allowing her to come as a plus one”  As you can’t stop her from being someone’s plus one, it just doesn’t make sense to me.

    Post # 24
    Member
    7806 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    I wouldn’t invite her, but you can’t really stop one of the brothrs from bringing her as their +1 (if you offer this).

    Post # 26
    Member
    369 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    nope.  don’t invite her.

    Post # 27
    Member
    2819 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2018

    Nopeeee. Roommates do not get an invitation to $100+ plate weddings. She sounds rude and entitled. 

    Post # 29
    Member
    2023 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    If your inlaws are not genearally pushy people and don’t regularly violate your boundaries, I would do this for them and invite her (with no plus-one). It’s $110 and not worth bad blood. Please don’t ask them to reimburse you, as that seems very petty on your part. I would understand if they were insisting on a bunch of people attending, but you can absorb the costs of one person.

    I’m a little confused about the dynamic with this person. You insist that the family dislikes her and the brothers think she is mean and nasty. Yet, your inlaws are requesting that she attend and your FBIL’s are not only living with her, but would bring her to the wedding as a plus-one unless you objected. It doesn’t really sound like they dislike her enough to sever ties, at least.

    I’m not sure what a “go-to girl” is, but you imply that you have replaced her as the “go-to girl” in the family, but given their continuing relationship with her, perhaps that’s not the case. I think you should calmly either invite her or not, without trying to correct her etiquette or otherwise engaging in more drama.

    Post # 30
    Member
    198 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    You do not like her, and by the sound of it no one besides your future in-laws actually care if she is there. They however do not matter, it is you and your FI’s day. I always say no pay, no say, especially when it’s a no brainer (well to me). If you can imagine your wedding without her, then she should not be invited- that was the guideline for our guests!

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