Post # 1
Happy Monday Bee’s…not sure if this should go in Etiquette or Emotional? I have a friend who I’m not sure I should (or want) to invite to our wedding.
She and I met in 1995 at college and were roommates for three years. We continued our friendship for about 6 years afterwards. Since about 2006 we’ve been drifting apart and our lives have taken us in completely different directions. I moved from Rhode Island to Massachusetts at the end of 2006 and would go down there about once every couple of months to visit, but since about early 2008 I would say I’ve only seen her a handful of times. Definitely less than ten times and I can’t even tell you that last time I talked to her on the phone. She does leave random comments for me on Facebook every once in a while but that is about it.
I will say that if I called her and said I needed her should would do everything she could to help me and I do genuinely care for her as a friend. BUT…I think a lot of that comes from a sense of loyalty because we were soooo incredibly close for a good ten years. We haven’t been close now for about five years.
I’m torn because honestly, I would not miss her if she weren’t at the wedding. When I think of the people that simply MUST be at our wedding…sad as it sounds…she is not one of them. BUT I know that she would be upset if I didn’t invite her. We’re trying to keep the guest list at a minimum so she and her husband is one couple we are thinking about not inviting.
Another issue is her son. We are allowing children at our wedding…but they are all children of the family, so her son would be the only non-family child there. And honestly I DO NOT want her son there. He’s not very well behaved and I have horrible visions of him screaming through the ceremony. I know it sounds petty and mean…but it’s a real concern of mine.
I just don’t know what to do!
Post # 3
Hmm… it sounds like she’d be pretty hurt if she wasn’t invited. If you can swing it I would invite her and her husband but leave the child off the list. If she asks if she can bring her son I’d explain that it adult-only with the exception of family children. She may decide not to come if she has to leave the little one at home.
Post # 4
I completely agree with PP. Also, were you invited to her wedding? If so, that might be an indication of how close she thinks you are. Which might mean hurt feelings if she’s not invited to yours. Either way, I would imagine she would be upset if she wasn’t invited to your wedding…
Post # 5
I was a bridesmaid in her wedding ten years ago and she was a bridesmaid in my wedding to my ex-husband seven years ago.
I like the idea of an adults-only reception with the exception of family children….that would ease my mind tremendously. I know that she would be hurt if I didn’t invite her and that’s the last thing I want to do.
Post # 6
I would invite her but with the “no kid” stipulation. If you aren’t that close anymore and she can’t bring her son, they might decide not to come and then you’re off the hook.
Post # 7
Sounds like you should invite her. And call to reconnect and explain that it’s adults only with the exception of family kids. I think you’ll feel a lot better about it after you talk to her again.
Post # 8
I think it’s fine to invite her without her son. And I agree that you should still invite her. When friends form college and high school get on with their lives and get jobs, and move away, it’s easy to lose touch a little. It just is part of life. But you know, it doesn’t mean that you aren’t still close. You said, if you needed her, she’d be there. I think that really says it all.