(Closed) to invite or not…

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
87 posts
Worker bee

That’s a tough one.  My instinct is to say that it’s rude to only invite one member of a family.  The rule I followed was to invite everyone in any given generation.  I REALLY wanted to invite my second cousin.  She has a brother and several first cousins (who of course are also my second cousins) that I don’t know well at all, like I’ve met them once in my life, if at all.  But I invited all of them anyway.  I was lucky though, because my parents are paying and these people are in my mom’s family, so she was willing to do it.

Are you sure they would even come?  There were a lot of people in my family who I knew weren’t coming, so I invited close to 200 people for a 120 max church–but I felt safe because a lot of people said beforehand that they already had plans.

Post # 4
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I think it’s just fine, particularly if you really only have a relationship with the one family member.  We have invited adult friends of ours without their teenage or twenty-something children who live with them.  We have also invited two 19 – 20 year olds (friends of FI’s daughter, whom we know because they hang out with her at our house) without their siblings or parents.  Think about it – if you have a 20-year old bridesmaid, you are not obligated to invite her parents or siblings – so why would you have to invite them just because she was your guest rather than in the bridal party?

The one exception (obviously) is that you can’t invite someone without also inviting their spouse or fiance.

And in some cases it’s just annoying to be invited.  FI’s daughter and son have some friends that we have never met who have sent us wedding invitations (presumably because FI’s daughter or son were invited).  Hey, if we don’t really know you, we don’t want to spend our Saturday evening at your wedding.  And you can’t tell me it’s concern for etiquette that prompted the invitations, because much as we try to fight it, we end up feeling roped into sending a gift – and in none of those cases did we get a thank-you note.

Invite the people you are actually close to – leave everyone else off (IMO).

Post # 5
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

If the person you are inviting is a close, personal friend, then you do not need to invite the entire family.  It is like a friend from college — I know them through college and it does not matter if they live with their parents, grandparents, or a house full of college kids, I would only invite the one friend from college, not heir entire family or roommates!

Post # 6
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I agree, I would only invite the one you’re close to. That’s the only one that makes sense. If you invites the others, they might feel like they were pity invites. Haha.

Post # 7
6 posts
  • Wedding: July 2009

I’d say that you can invite just that one person, but maybe let them invite a guest either from the house or a fiance/spouse, or just a friend! 

 Just invite your friend though, not the whole household!

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