Post # 1
I have a “friend” whom i have known for many years. We used to hang out alot when we were younger and go out to the bars etc. She is in the same circle of friends of mine and I was in her wedding. I see her at group gatherings but we do not talk much outside of them. The reason for that is because she is a drama queen who enjoys taking pills and drinking too much and has never really grown up. Everytime she is around there is some sort of a S*$# Storm between her and her husband or someone else.
Heres the kicker…..she is in my wedding party of 8. I irrationally threw her in the wedding party simply because I was in her wedding and I knew she would be hurt if I didn’t include her. My Fiance cannot stand her and genuinely wants nothing to do with her. I also am very much over the drama and I am afraid she will cause a scene or ruin my wedding.
How do I eliminate her from the wedding party? Do I bother inviting her at all? Im confident she will do something to sabotage our friendship as she has in the past. Do I wait it out?
Post # 3
Take my word that you’ll regret it if you let her stay. Uninvite her.
Post # 4
Etiquette would distact that you don’t kick people out of your wedding party. Don’t know how popular that response is here, but short of someone sleeping with your fiance or legit safety concerns you really shouldn’t be kicking or dropping people from your wedding party.
Post # 5
i say, who gives a crap about etiquette. things change, people change. you are only having 1 wedding, so it should be exactly how you want and with the people you want.
it will be a tough convo- i don’t even know how you would go about it, but it’s your wedding so go ahead and toss her out!
Post # 6
Lol i so agree with relaxedaboutit!!! Ditto to the max!
Post # 7
I agree with relaxed. There comes a time where you have to what’s best for you even if it’s “taboo”. You have so many other things to be stressed about, you certainly don’t want to have to worry about her behavior too.
Post # 8
totally agree with relaxed – its your wedding. It doesnt sound like you want her as a friend anyway so why put yourself through the stress. It might be a crappy 5 minute converstation but it will be months of less stress worrying about it.
Post # 9
I used to have a friend similar to yours, luckily our friendship dissolved well before I met my fiance. Although she invited me to her wedding (I didn’t attend, I felt it would be fake for me to be there) I am not inviting her to mine. It is hard, we were friends since gradeschool, but people do change, and not always for the better. I don’t have any suggestions for a tactful way to tell her you don’t want her as your bridesmaid, but if she truly does have problems with pills and alcohol I wouldn’t trust her to behave respectfully at your wedding.
Post # 10
Do it. I kicked 2 bridesmaids out and was SO happy with my decision on my wedding day. If you think she is going to bring drama then it’s really not worth it.
Post # 11
Quite frankly? Gotta agree with @relaxedabout it on this one: It’s your wedding, forget the etiquette and do what is best for you! For me personally, I don’t want to look at pictures a year, 5 years, 10 years down the line and think “wow, I wish I hadn’t asked her to be in the wedding.” Do what you need to do to make yourself and your Fiance happy.
Post # 13
It seems that kicking her out of the wedding party is only putting a bandaid on the situation; the main problem is that this person is currently in your life by default and you don’t want her there any longer, right? So, your discussion with her might instead be that you need to go your separate ways as people and, subsequently, she is no longer in your wedding party. Tell her you made a mistake and are sorry but this is how you feel. You wish her well and hope she gets help but impending doom should not be a part of your wedding day…or your life. Good luck!
Post # 14
Thank you all for your insight. I think I just need to put my big girl pants on and have the awkward conversation.
Post # 15
@SBrosnan: Good luck! It will be awkward, but hopefully it solves the situation 🙂