(Closed) To let him pick or not?

posted 7 years ago in Rings
  • poll: What should I do?
    Allow him to pick out the ring : (25 votes)
    23 %
    Shop together while he is in town and pick out the ring together : (35 votes)
    32 %
    Show him several different rings I like and stress how much I like them over any other ring? : (50 votes)
    45 %
  • Post # 3
    427 posts
    Helper bee

    That is such a hard one! You will get a lot of different replies. I personally picked out my ring and gave him the item #. When we had the money saved, he said “ok, im off to get the ring.” So, it was all planned out and totally not a surprise…which, I kind of regret. But I am kind of controlling when it comes to things like that (especially a ring I am going to wear forever) and I couldn’t bare to tell him it was not my taste if he had gotten something I didn’t like. I gave him ideas early on about what I liked, but he thought they were ugly…lol. which then I knew that if he was to get something all on his own, it would NOT be what I would like. So, just go with what you really feel is right. I didn’t trust my man to get me a ring I would love…I know it sounds bad but our tastes are soo different. Good luck! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 4
    2116 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I chose my ring and Kingy was really happy I did. I didn’t specify diamond C’s or anything, just told him my preferred setting/cut


     I think that’s a nice thing to do, it takes some stress off him because he wants you to love it no matter what

    Post # 5
    10288 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I was involved in every step of my e-ring selection and I loved it. It was really important to both of us that I be involved since I’m going to be the one wearing the ring. To be honest, the shopping trips we took when looking for my ring was probably some of the most fun I’ve had with Fiance. 

    Even though I chose the ring, he still planned a surprise proposal. It was perfect! ๐Ÿ™‚

    You have to do whats right for you. If you want to be involved then be involved. I promise you, it doesn’t make it any less special if you choose the ring together. 

    Post # 6
    4803 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I completely chose my ring, then took him to the store and showed him.  He bought it that night because it was what I wanted.  Obviously he wanted to like it too, which he did, but he said it was more important that I like it.

    I feel good about it because, like you, I would never want to have to exchange my ring or tell him I didn’t love it.  This way I know I will love it, and the proposal will still be a surprise (I’m in the he has the ring but hasn’t proposed yet stage). 

    Post # 8
    3639 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    I think you need to ask him.

    To some guys it is really, really important to have it as a suprise and have NO input from you. 

    Others want a little advice but want to do the picking themselves.

    Others again would rather you be involved every step of the way. 

    So, ask him what he would prefer. You don’t want to step on any toes.

    BUT if you really don’t want to ask him directly you could give your sister/best friend/mother some pictures of rings you like and ask them to approch your boyfriend. They would say something like “I have had this list for a while and was told by SilentLove that when the time felt right, I was to give it to you. Well, the time feels right.” And then they can give him the inspiration pictures so he’s not completely clueless. 

    Post # 9
    42 posts
    • Wedding: May 2011

    My FH discussed about this & we went shopping together. We went for something different to what we thought we’d get. Ultimately HE chose the the ring, but he wanted my input because he knew I can be a bit “particular”….lol.


    Post # 10
    921 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I showed my Fiance what sort of ring I liked, then he went a completely different direction. I’m glad he did.. it’s not something I would ever had picked on my own, but it’s beautiful and he is so proud of it. He still tells me how he went to a bunch of different stores, but this was at the first one and he KNEW it was the one he wanted to get me.

    Post # 11
    477 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    Obviously, you have to do what feels right and like PPs said, you should ask your boyfriend how he feels about it.  But I let my husband choose my ring and it was wonderful!  I got a gorgeous ring, my husband had a really great “man” experience, and it was incredibly special to both of us.  Here are the factors that came into play for us:

    • Budget: I didn’t want to influence the amount of money he spent on the ring.  I didn’t want a situation where we had wildly different ideas about how much a ring would/should cost, or the size of a stone, and then find myself in an uncomfortable position in a jewelry store.  So I butted out completely.  Besides, he wanted the opportunity to do it himself.  To this day, I have no idea how much my ring cost or what his budget was, and I probably never will want to know!

    • Sentiment:  I told my husband I didn’t even need an engagement ring and that we could just get wedding bands.  But HE was the one who felt strongly I needed an engagement ring.  To him, getting engaged was a really big rite of passage for him as a man.  He felt it was a symbol of how seriously he took the decision to marry.  He told me that for him, the process of saving the money for a ring, learning about jewelry, thinking about what kind of ring would reflect me best, deciding on a stone and setting, and then planning a proposal was emblematic of how he intended to take care of me after we got married.  He wanted me to know that if that is how much thought and care he put into a piece of jewelry, how much more carefully and seriously he intended to care for his wife. I remember that little speech almost more than the proposal itself and its so priceless to me!  I’m glad I didn’t take that from him by trying to get involved in the ring selection.

    • Nuts and Bolts:  I didn’t pick out my ring, BUT I did give him some practical advice that was just logistically sensible.  My requests were (1) that the setting not be too high because I am rough with my hands and didn’t want to knock it around too much, (2) that he make sure the setting wouldn’t cut or snag, (3) that the ring not require a contour band because I wanted the option of wearing a plain band later, and (4) that I wanted an ethical stone.  Listening to him later tell me how he put the ring on his pinky at the store, tried it on to see how high the setting sat, and rubbed it against his face and clothes to make sure it didn’t snag or scratch (much to the bewilderment of the jeweler) was hysterical.  Also his favorite line of our engagement story: “I got your stone from the war torn nation of Australia.”

    The end result was totally worth it! I got a beautiful ring beyond my wildest dreams and listening to him explain how and why he chose every aspect of the ring was so sweet and special. I know it seems really risky, but I have zero regrets being surprised!  Good luck!    

    Post # 12
    1869 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I showed my FH what I liked and didn’t like.  Basically he knew that I wanted an emerald cut diamond, but he surprised me with a 3 stone emerald cut ring.  Great surprise!

    I would just bring it up and see what he says.

    Post # 13
    1830 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I didn’t have any input into my ring and am so happy that I didn’t.   Fiance knows me well enough to know my style and what I would like/dislike.  We never even discussed rings and I had absolutely no idea a proposal was coming.   I absolutely ADORE my ring and couldn’t be happier with it!  To me, I feel it’s just that little bit more special because my Fiance was able to pick something he knew I would love and I love that he put so much thought and effort into it. 

    That being said, there is nothing wrong with having input or picking it out yourself as it is something you’ll wear for the rest of your life.   It’s totally up to you – and ultimately, when it comes down to it, it’s what your ring symbolizes that really matters!

    Post # 14
    155 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Bees have brought up great points: You should find out from him if this is something you could pick out together, or if he wants it to be  surprise. You might be surprised yourself– he could have been doing his homework and has a good idea what you like. If he wants it to be  surprise, don’t ruin it for him ๐Ÿ™‚

    I don’t think there’s anything wrong with making sure he knows your likes and dislikes (i.e. metal, stone, cut/shape of stone, setting, etc). I told my Fiance I liked white gold and not round stones, and he did a great job. Plus I was surprised, which made it more special, and people are usually shocked when I tell them he picked it out on his own ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 15
    3375 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I was completely involved in my setting. He calls it “our ring” and it is, we both picked it out. I had so much fun ring shopping and I wouldn’t trade that for anything.

    Post # 16
    925 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    It can’t hurt to tell him what you want. When you are talking about it, you can mention some of the features you would like in a ring. My Fiance surprisingly remembered some of the things that I wanted, even though we ended up shopping together. If he wants to shop with you, he will mention it, but it definitely can’t hurt to show him a few pictures or describe what you like, especially if he has already talked to you about wanting to propose.

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