(Closed) To lose weight or not to lose weight, that is the question…

posted 7 years ago in Full Figured
Post # 16
Member
2953 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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HonoraryNerd:  I’ve lost a lot of weight and, to be honest, it has taken some time to get used to my new look. All of the changes have been very positive but I was used to being overweight for so long that I got used to my chubby face, bigger butt, etc. I loved myself heavier and thought I was beautiful then so changing so much, it has honestly been an adjustment for me. I understand when you say, “I have no idea how I’ll look or feel about myself if I lost weight.” I think, in the long run, you’ll love a lighter you only because it feels so good but you are right to think about adjusting to a new body. I do not think that should be a barrier to you not trying to lose weight though if that’s what you’d like to do. We all deserve to be happy and healthy. I’m sure your Fiance will agree. Personally, I say to hell with anyone who tries to hold people back from achieving a healthy weight. That’s selfish and fucked up.

I will be having a tummy tuck and boob job at some point because I’m a bag of skin (lovely thought… ha ha). Unfortunately, I was recently told that Santa doesn’t bring breast implants for Christmas so that’ll be on me. Doesn’t Santa know that they fit in stockings perfectly? 🙂

Post # 17
Member
872 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

I think if you wanna get healthy, go for it. weight loss is kst a happy by product of a healthy lifestyle. I took meat entirely out of my diet and feel much better even after just that change. You also said you were concerned that you won’t recognize yourself after losing weight but you have to remember that you don’t suddenly wake up 60 pounds lighter (unfortunately lol) so while you may look different, people as well as yourself will have plenty of time to get used to the new you. 🙂

Post # 18
Member
2883 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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HonoraryNerd:  I can appreciate where you’re coming from and I can somewhat relate, so my advice is from that place (rather than a place of “skinnier is obviously better, duh.”) I know people have a hard time wrapping their minds around the idea that someone can be BOTH plus-size and healthy, but whatever. People have trouble understanding lots of stuff, doesn’t make it any less true.

I’ve fluctuated between the same 4 dress sizes since high schoool. I like my appearance best at a 14/16 (which for me is about 210 lbs) and people regularly comment about how great I look. At a 12 (about 185 lbs), I look gaunt and sickly. At 18/20 (~245 lbs) I still look good and still feel comfortable, but begin to look a bit like a stretched out version of my ideal self. I should add that due to my proportions I can lose or gain up to 40 or so pounds and still be in the same dress size (a reason that it takes a lot of effort to actually notice weight changes). 

I was at my ideal size when I met my fiance, but due to circumstances WITHIN my control I gained about a dress size during our relationship. I looked fine and was not overly concerned about whether I would be beautiful at my wedding, but there is an awful lot of pressure to look like a much better version of yourself as a bride. And in our society thinner= better. I struggled with whether I should try lose weight and if so, how much to the point that I became a little obsessed about it. At first it was just “ok, I need to get back to the weight when we met.” Then I was “ok, maybe I need to get back to law school skinny.” No, wait “I need to get into my favorite jeans from high school!” I was a mess. I lost quite a bit of weight (I estimate about 20 pounds but I don’t weigh). Then one day, about 3 weeks out,  I just quit punishing myself. I’m active, I eat well, all my blood work continually comes back normal or excellent, my blood pressure is better than most people’s and I’m at no elevated risk of diabetes or other syndromes. So I’m a little bigger than the BMI chart says I should be. Whatever. 

The reason why losing weight just for an event is mentally dangerous is because you could always lose…more. You could push yourself and starve yourself and lose 50 pounds and then look back at your wedding photos like “man, I should’ve just lost 10 more pounds.” My advice is to (1) assess how you REALLY feel about your appearance and govern yourself accordingly and (2) focus on your holistic health. If you lose weight fine. If you don’t that’s also fine. 

As far as the dress…yeah, I did size myself out of my dress and had to buy a sewing machine last minute in my Destination Wedding location so my sister-in-law could alter it the morning of the wedding (and it DID change the silhouette of the dress), lol. It wasn’t a huge deal by any means, but it is a thing. Best wishes to you! 

Post # 19
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I’ve lost 40lbs since February of last year, and I can honestly say that it is the best decision I’ve made. Everything fits better, I have more energy, etc. I thought I looked pretty good before…but I’m very happy with my progress thus far. I was “healthy” according to doctors before, but I would get slightly winded doing average things like walking up a flight of stairs. I don’t really think that’s “healthy” at all, so I’m happy I made the change. 

 

 

Post # 20
Member
2405 posts
Buzzing bee

Honestly, I think this is not the right website for your question (due to an overwhelming percentage of Bees who do not believe it is possible to be overweight *and* healthy, and my belief that it *is* possible.) I mean, I get why you’re asking it here, because you are preparing for your wedding and it’s sort of a specific set of circumstances, but I think (and I could be wrong) that you are looking for support to remain emotionally and physically healthy. I don’t think this is the best place to receive that support. *I* think the best thing for you to do would be to make some small, sustainable changes toward increased health (whatever they might be – drinking more water, adding one exercise session per week, more veggies, etc) and focus on those rather than on your weight. You’ll be beautiful on your wedding day no matter what!

Post # 21
Member
3954 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

If you are that overweight (it sounds like obese by BMI terms), you are damaging your heart and really your whole body every day. Don’t wait until your wedding, don’t wait until you get a new job, make a change today. 

Post # 22
Member
644 posts
Busy bee

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HonoraryNerd:  If you do want to lose a bit of weight, I wouldn’t worry too much about what you’ll look like in your dress – that will be fixable closer to the time. It’s never a bad choice to try and live a little more healthily. If you lose weight, then so be it.

Post # 23
Member
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

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Jijitattoo:  I am one of the people who struggles to equate obesity and health. I’m not saying that you can’t be fit and also be a bit overweight or heavy, not at all, I’ve been there myself. But over 200lb is really *quite* overweight for the average woman (unless you are very tall as I said before). Plus the OP seemed to be saying that because she wasn’t ‘bedridden’  she was therefore healthy, and I don’t think not being bedridden is exactly a good measure of health in anyone’s book.

I don’t want to be fat-shaming anyone – as I said, I have been there myself. But I also think people need to be realistic about what contitutes a ‘healthy’ weight for their height and body type. I also don’t want anyone to think that thin is automatically ‘better’, when in reality a ‘healthy’ weight and lifestyle can vary from person to person, but there is an upper limit to that for most people.

 

Post # 24
Member
1190 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Yeah… It’s not that bees don’t “believe” that overweight can be healthy, it’s that science doesn’t. There will be a few exceptions, like there always are when speaking of statistical averages, but generally, carrying more fat on your body increases your chances for chronic disease, pain, and morbidity. I’m not trying to be harsh here- I really just don’t want the OP to sell herself short because she is afraid of not liking the way she looks after losing weight. It seems like a pretty shallow excuse to me. If a smoker didn’t want to give up cigarettes because smoking was a part of their personal identity, would people say, “don’t change who you are just because society says it’s wrong!”?

Post # 25
Member
223 posts
Helper bee

I don’t want to sound harsh – but being over 200lbs is not healthy for an average woman. In a UK size you would be around a size 24-26, we have specialist shops over here for that size clothing as it’s considered obese and definitely not the norm, I’m not saying you need to conform to the ‘norm’ at all, but you really do have your head in the sand if you think that size can be healthy. It sounds like you’ve already made your decision not to lose weight ‘right now’, as you think you look pretty in your dress, but that shouldn’t be the deciding factor in dieting or not. I’m also pretty sure your Fiance would still find you attractive if not even more so if you lost a little weight unless he has a fetish, and he would also be happy you are getting healthier not just for you but so you can both have a long life together without your weight getting in the way(pregnancy, mobility in later life etc).

Post # 26
Member
867 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I don’t have personal experience with losing significant amounts of weight, but I have some loved ones who have. My Future Mother-In-Law lost 50 pounds a few years ago, and right now she has a close friend who is in the process. We were talking about it the other day, and she said that even though she was “healthy,” she couldn’t believe how much better she felt once she lost the weight, and also how many more things she can do. She used to run when she was younger, and she’s so happy that she can run again now.

As for being healthy and being overweight/obese… I think there’s enough evidence that even if someone appears to be healthy, it’s only a matter of time before a weight-related health problem crops up. All the excess fat changes your metabolism, and the excess weight is a signficant strain on your joints (another bee mentioned her knees). One thing I do know is that many doctors are reluctant to discuss weight with their patients and will avoid the subject because it’s uncomfortable. This is sad, but true. (NB: I am not citing any specific sources here, but I do have a master’s degree in public health)

If you lose weight slowly, which is more healthy, you shouldn’t have any problems with your skin. And your dress will be fine- just get a good seamstress!

Post # 27
Member
777 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I think you should look at it as making healthy lifestyle modifications for your lifetime, and focus less on the number on the scale. If you eat healthier (do things gradually, no crash diet) and exercise (both cardio and weight training) I think you will see positive changes – more energy, clothes might fit better as you tone up your muscles. If you lose weight, so be it. If you don’t, that’s ok too. Remember too that muscle weighs more than fat, so you may look better in the mirror/clothes fit better/looser even though your weight may not change that much.

If your wedding isn’t until next fall, that is a long time to wait to make positive changes in your health! Your dress will still look amazing on you, and will be altered to fit your body at the time.  

Post # 28
Member
3273 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I, as an adult, have ranged from 135-205 pounds, but never really been healthy. I can’t run a 10 minute mile, or a 15 minute mile, or any kind of mile. I would love to be thinner and healthier, so I’m working toward it. I’ve lost 25 pounds and I’m at least a little more fit. For me, it’s been incredibly worth it, and if I am fortunate to need a new dress because I am too small for the 14 I bought, that’s fine by me 🙂

Post # 29
Member
4113 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I think everyone should strive to be healthy, and that means being a healthy weight and having a healthy BMI. I don’t believe for one second that people who are overweight are healthy, as a PP mentioned carrying extra weight on your body puts you at risk for some many physical issues. When they can be prevented, why put yourself at risk?

Don’t wait until you get a new job, don’t lose weight to look good for your wedding.. Make changes starting now to become healthier. Say no to mayo on a sandwich or have a salad instead, drink less alcohol, walk more, count calories and be aware of what you’re putting in your body, cut down on sugar. These are simple changes that can be made now, that will make you a healthier person, not a skinner person.

Post # 30
Member
876 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Yes, there are overweight people who live a much healthier lifestyle than and may even have better health stats than a thinner counterpart. 

That said…being that overweight is hard on your whole body. It is a strong indicator, among others, of good or bad health. Your joints are supporting a weight they weren’t built to support and your heart is working overtime to keep up with it all. 

Forget the wedding and focus on healthy eating and exercise. Don’t forget weight training, your joints need that muscular support not only now but into old age, no matter how much you weigh. The weight loss will likely follow. 

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