Post # 1
Let me preface by saying that I am so, so, so excited to be marrying my FI. He hates the word “fiance” so he now just calls me his “wife to be” or just “wife” when introducing me, and it gives me happy tingles every time.
With that said- we have such an awesome relationship now, and the wedding itself is not a big deal to either of us which leaves me wondering- will I feel different after we get married? Not different in a good or bad way, but will the relationship feel different? I have a (guy) friend who recently married his gf of 7 years and he and I have spoken about this before: how he thinks it’s just a formality now since they’re so close and “basically married” anyway. However he got married two weeks ago and says that not only was the (very small, informal) wedding day WAY more emotional than he thought, but that he also now feels “different” in a great way, but not a way he can explain.
I’ve spoken to FI about this too, asking if he thinks things will feel different once the day is over and he has said yes, but he can’t explain how or why. Most of my friends who are married were married a long time ago or were REALLY into the wedding aspect, which I imagine would actually make me feel quite different the day after (ie- if I had dreamt of my wedding since I was a little girl, surely I would feel excited to finally be a wife?)
So, married bees, I turn to you- did you feel somehow different after you were married? Can you describe it? Did you think you would?
Post # 3
I didn’t feel different. We had been living together for more than a year while we were engaged, so the wedding was just a formality. Also, my wedding day was awful so I’m sure that had a lot to do with it.
Post # 4
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
Interesting. I’ve been with my guy for a LONG time, over 10 years, and (obviously) marriage didn’t seem like a big priority to either of us. But it’s interesting, our relationship does feel different now that we’re engaged, which I totally did not expect at all. It feels more permanent and even more like a partnership, even though it I always thought it felt like that before. It’s the same for him too. It’ll be interesting to see what it’s like post-wedding.
Post # 5
2 months in, and I don’t feel any different. I was excited to get married but I wasn’t one of those girls who had been planning or dreaming of their wedding since they were little. I felt a little lost and out of my element during the whole planning process. I’ll admit that I had sort of a high for several days after just because of how surreal a wedding can be (having everyone in your life together in one place), which I was not expecting. But no, I don’t feel any different now that we’re married.
Post # 6
I’ve been married before, and yes it feels so different but not in a way that is easily described. The way I describe it to my FI is that nothing will change while everything changes.
ExH and I lived together before getting married on our 4th anniversary, though we were LDR for a huge chunk of those years. Maybe that was part of the change, but I feel like it was so much more. I was admittedly one of those little girls that always dreamt about my wedding day, but funnily enough, when it came time to plan my actual wedding, I was way more excited at what it represented versus the actual day of. It was the sense of forever and permanence. (Clearly, that wasn’t the case since he is now my ExH, but that feeling was there til the last day we saw each other. Heck, actually even a little beyond the finalization of divorce. It’s a powerful feeling.)
FI and I have been living together for about a year and a half. We have a nice, comfortable routine going. Everything is “our” stuff now and all of that other jazz. He and I have both said that we are married to each other in our hearts. That being said, I know there will be that final transformation that begins from the moment I step into my dress and he puts on his suit and culminates in that first kiss as husband and wife. That sounds so cheesy, but it’s true. At least it was my first time around.
The closest thing that is similar (but not the same) is the difference between finishing all of your requirements and actually graduating. Sure, there was that day of your last final, and you walked out of there knowing that you were finished. It still felt amazing and official to walk across that stage, or if you were like me and skipped the ceremony, to get that piece of paper in the mail and hold it in your hands. Maybe not everyone feels that way, but that was my experience.
Post # 7
We didn’t feel any different, we’d been together for 5 years already and living together for 4. It’s nice to be able to call him my husband, but otherwise nothing in our lives changed at all.
Post # 8
Things did change to some degree on an emotional level, even if it’s just in how others view and treat you. In the course of a day, i went from “CookieCreamCakes, that *bleep* he’s shacking up with” to “CookieCreamCakes, his wife.” There’s a seriousness, a gravity implied there.
My day-to-day life has not changed at all. I can say that when we were “just dating,” it didn’t feel permanent. Other folks don’t treat is as permanent. That constant feeling of being temporary can be taxing after a while. I did feel more secure after we were engaged.
But I think the folks who expect a drastic change are largely fooling themselves in all but the rarest of cases.
Post # 9
Doesn’t feel any different to me. That’s why I got married, because I didn’t want things to change.
Post # 10
I agree with @CookieCreamCakes: that things feel different on an emotional level. There is something very comforting of knowing that we have sealed the deal. Although I felt very secure in my relationship before the wedding, this has taken it to a whole new level, and the commitment we have made has made my DH open to new ideas like TTC.
Post # 11
It didn’t feel any different. Our relationship has been great before we got married. We have dated for 5 years before we got married, so I would say we knew each other very well. The wedding was, however, very very very emotional for both of us ( I cried like 5 times). But honestly being married is great! Nothing different though!
Post # 12
Day to day living didn’t feel different, but emotionally I feel different and try to act different. More of a partner and less of the tyrant I can be sometimes.
More that I try to be better for him and to him. Rather than just being all honeymoonish or young/new love type behavoir…it is hard to describe.
Post # 13
I think it feels different in a great way, but not really in a way that I know how to explain. It feels like we’re an official team now or something haha.
Post # 14
I was one of those girls that planned my wedding my WHOLE life.
Then I actually got engaged, and I just couldn’t care! I just wanted to get married.
Then I actually got married… I feel like I floated through most of the day, like it wasn’t even me there for most of it, and it’s been almost a month and I definitely don’t feel married!
It’s very bizarre!
Post # 15
I think for us it had a lot to do with finally getting some public acknowledgement for our relationship. We’re young, so whenever I opened up to other people about our discussions of marriage I sensed that they just thought it was a pipe dream… I imagine that finally being Mr. and Mrs. will be a really awesome moment of both “TOLD YA SO!!” and “I’msohappytobemarriedtothismanIcan’tbreathe”… That’s kinda how engagement was.
Post # 16
@bkrocks13: Married 2 weeks tomorrow and it does not feel any different. It’s probably because we lived together for 4 years prior to getting married. Only thing that’s different is now I call him my hubby instead of bf/fiance. 😉