(Closed) To move in or not to move in.

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 61
Member
136 posts
Blushing bee

I’m glad I live with my boyfriend. He was amazing so I knew it was the right move for me. UMM but it all comes down to personal preference. If I had stayed at my own place maybe we’d be engaged by now, (I’m thinking it’ll be in the next couple months but we’ve already lived with each other for over a year), but on the other hand, I wanted to start a life with him as quick as possible and I didn’t need a marriage certificate to do that. Plus I wanted to make sure we could live together first before getting married.

So if you want to be married earlier I would say you’d love to live with him but that’s important to you. If you’re ok waiting a bit then move in.

Post # 62
Member
4027 posts
Honey bee

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sassy411:  I think your post is terribly presumptuous about most men. Some men might be like that, but many men aren’t. It’s also pointless to make a blanket statement and then say, “but everyone is different.”

OP, it’s about open communication and expectations. I lived with my DH for quite a few years before marriage, but he never got “comfortable.” We knew we both wanted to wait until our mid 20’s for marriage from the beggining. We formally discussed marriage in March 2012 and he proposed on our anniversary in September 2014. I really never felt a “waiting” period.

If you are with a partner who loves and respects you, and you communicate well, then moving in together will not hinder your prospects of marriage or significantly delay it.

Post # 63
Member
1341 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

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zcuriousbuzzybee:  Like you, I moved in with an ex and it was badly. He wasn’t horrible per-se, just the experience was bad because we were not meant to be together – had to live together after we were broken up.

I said I would never, ever do it again. Just not worth it.

Then I moved in with my SO – it was sort of under emergency circumstances (ex roommate was a pyscho). BUT, I think we learned a lot living together. And I’m glad that we did it first.

Also, as far as statistics, they actually show, contray to what PP are saying, divorce rates are actually lower for people who cohabitate.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 9 months ago by  MangoSong.
Post # 64
Member
3277 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

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polyblonde:  

+200 Marriage focused cohabitation does not lead to higher divorce rates.

Post # 65
Member
352 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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zcuriousbuzzybee:  Best of luck to you and your relationship!

Everyone is different for sure. I worried for a little bit that engagement was not on the horizon when I moved in, but I figured it would be a good trial to see if we were truly compatible. I’m happy to say that I’m glad we lived together for 6 years (!!!) before marriage. We both are super confident that we’re making the right choice for life partner. 

Really when I think about it I don’t think it really matters if you’re engaged before moving in or not. I think if living toegther is a good experience then it’s meant to be, and if it’s awful then it’s not! Having a ring on your finger won’t change that. 

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