To move or not to move

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
  • poll: Would you move?

    Yes! It's your life and you will get to see your dad through visits through out the year.

    No..Family first. You will regret the time that could have been spent together.

  • Post # 2
    Member
    41 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    First, I’m so sorry you are going through this and I can only imagine how hard of a decision this must be for you. Ultimately, you are the only one that can decide what’s right for your situation.

    Since you have asked, I can give you my thoughts on someone who for many years (8 now) has now lived away from her family. Initially, I moved to CA from MO to be with my now husband. This was “easier” because we were surrounded by his family. Having said that, a few years after living there my only sibling passed away – this made things extremely tough for our family, especially my mother with me being her only child left. My husband was born and raised in CA and had never left to live anywhere else, but by the time I came into the picture he wasn’t in love with the idea of staying there and after 4 years I couldn’t take it anymore so we left and moved to UT – a place where neither of us had any family. 

    As much as we would love having family around, especially now that I am pregnant with our first child, our decision were based around us as an immediate family and our future children. We knew we would not be happy living in CA and didn’t want to raise children there (I had days where I cried at the thought of being stuck there because I disliked it so much at the end) and my home town is pretty small so not a feasible option for jobs. We explored some mountain areas and ultimately landed here. I cannot tell you how much better our quality of life is now that we live in a place where we are truly happy and able to do the things and live the life we want. 

     Again, not saying it’s always easy being away from family, but I can tell you I talk to my parents on the phone pretty much every other day, we have facetime sessions with our families and still see both sides several times a year. You only get one life and it’s not worth being miserable. I would bet your dad would want you to be happy and want what’s best for you, moving away doesn’t mean your abandoning him. Maybe even talk to him about this if you haven’t already.

    I truly hope the best for you and your family!

    Post # 3
    Member
    2058 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2017

    That’s tough but you do have to live your life for yourself. Can your dad move with you guys? Would he be willing to/have the means to?

    Post # 3
    Member
    1565 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    This is always such a tough decision to make. All I can do is share my personal experience in case that helps. In my 20s I up and moved away from my hometown because I found it boring and didn’t think I fit in. In some ways it was a good move for me, but now that I’m in my 30s and my parents are getting older I wonder if it was the right decision. Neither of my parents is infirm or falling apart, but my 71-year-old mom is starting to show worrisome signs of not being there 100% mentally and my 69-year-old dad has a family history of heart problems. His dad died of a heart attack in his 40s and my dad had a minor heart attack in his 50s. It pains me to think that he could drop dead at any moment and it might have been 6+ months since I last saw him. And I worry about who will monitor my mom’s behavior and how to get her whatever help she needs when none of us kids lives near her. I’m genuinely at a loss as to what people do in this situation as their parents age. I’m not trying to discourage you but wanted to give you a little long term perspective since I didn’t fully understand the long term consequences of moving away when I was younger. Obviously the best solution would be for your dad to move to a new city with you, but that could be an unrealistic thing to ask of him.

    Post # 4
    Member
    498 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2017 - Orange County, CA

    Hi bee, I am sorry you are going through this with your dad.  I voted for “family first” but, this is such a personal decision, and you shouldn’t feel guilty/judged what ever you decide.

    My thinking is that life about the memories we make with the people we love, whereever that might be.  By staying, not only with you be supporting your dad, but you will be allowing your son to build memories and connections with the older generation.  Good luck to you and your family!

    Post # 5
    Member
    1202 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2018

    Can you move to a southern state and still drive to visit your dad multiple times a year?

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