(Closed) To obey or not to obey

posted 4 years ago in Christian
Post # 2
857 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Lol no way. I’m a Catholic marrying an agnostic. However, I’m gonna make 5x the money that he does, we live together before marriage, etc. So we already don’t have the “traditional catholic” relationship.  

Post # 3
2815 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012


There’s no obeying here. lol Even my Mother-In-Law had it removed from her wedding vows 28 years ago!

Post # 4
7437 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

In the Christian understanding of the word “obey”, yes. In the secular understanding of the word “obey”, no.

Post # 5
578 posts
Busy bee

No obeying in our ceremony. We made sure when we went over it with the officiant before hand they took out any of the particularly one-sided lines. Some people have it so both parties are “obeying” each other, but that still sounds weird to me. 

Post # 6
8692 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Always my least favorite part of someone’s ceremony, along with the “submit to your husband” bit. We did not have a religious ceremony and would never include those types of verses.

Post # 7
1603 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014


Cory_loves_this_girl: I’m not a very religious person so I’m not certain what the difference is! Would you mind explaining? I’m very curious as to the context! 🙂

Post # 8
2018 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

What other couples vow to do is none of my business, but there is not a chance I will be vowing to “obey” my husband. It’s just so creepy to me.

Post # 9
5219 posts
Bee Keeper

Supersleuth:  Uhm no, we did not use those words in our vows! We did have a Christian ceremony, but we modified it some:


I, (name), take you, (name), to be my friend, my lover, the (mother/father) of my children and my (husband/wife). In the presence of God, our family and friends,I offer you my solemn vow, that I will be yours in times of plenty and in times of want, in times of sickness and in times of health, in times of joy and in times of sorrow, in times of failure and in times of triumph.I eagerly anticipate the chance to grow together, getting to know the (man/woman) you will become, and falling in love a little more every day. I promise to cherish and respect you, to care and protect you, to comfort and encourage you, and stay with you, for all eternity.I give you my hand, my heart, and my love, from this day forward for as long as we both shall live.

Post # 10
2945 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

No obeying here either. My Fiance and I talked about it, and really don’t like the word. We are also staying away from the “Wives submit to your husbands” reading. I had two cousins pick that reading in the same year, and it doens’t matter how much the pastor/preist tries to justify the way it’s worded, it just does not reflect our relationship. We are equals, and the best I can promise is “listen and understand,” which is what we might replace “Obey” with.

Post # 11
1420 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

That won’t even be said in our ceremony.

Post # 12
11422 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

My pastor did not use the word “obey” in our ceremony.  However, he did address the Biblical command for wives to submit to the headship and spiritual authority of their husbands in marriage.

For the record, I was a very independent, single, Christian woman who did not marry until I was in my mid 40s.  However, I am in complete agreement with what Scripture says about this concept regarding God’s design for marriage.  It’s one of the reasons I was extremely picky about the type of man I would consider dating, knowing that God would require me to submit to the spiritual headship and authority of my future husband.

Post # 13
4698 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

There will be no mention of obeying anyone in our marriage ceremony.

Neither of us like the word, although I’m sure some days my Fiance would like it if I did. Haha!

Post # 14
2598 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Supersleuth:  I didn’t and I wouldn’t.  

I think most modern ceremonies have nixed that line although I suppose some religious types still include it.  I haven’t been to a wedding that had it.


Post # 15
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

No.  Even Laura Ingalls refused to say “obey,” and she got married in 1885!

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