(Closed) To orgasm or not to orgasm, that is the problem.

posted 6 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

For some people, it doesn’t happen very often. Everyone’s body is different. Hopefully other bees can give you advice and things to try–I just wanted to let you know you’re not weird or alone. Many many women have this same issue, and some never do have orgasms. Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
2607 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I can climax with clitoral stimulation during intercourse… but intercourse alone? not once in 20 years of pretty regular sex… youre totally normal.

 

Post # 5
Member
7609 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I can’t either.  Find a way to sneak in some clitoral stimulation while you’re having sex, no big deal!

Post # 6
Hostess
18644 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Internal orgasms are not that common.  The majority of women orgasm through clitoral stimulation and not gspot stimulation.

The reason why you might be having problems with him going to town on you is that he might not be doing exactly what you need.  I know that I need things to be a certain way and my husband sometimes does his own thing and doesn’t repeat the same motions over and over like I need.

Post # 7
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

TOTALLY normal! The vagina is not actually that sensitive. Some women can get there (often because the base of the clitoris is stimulated from within) but most need clitoral stimulation in addition or on its own. Don’t feel bad!

Post # 8
Member
748 posts
Busy bee

You’re totally normal. Maybe he just isn’t doing the right repetitive movements that you need. It also depends on how you fit together. I never could get there with anyone else but with SO we just fit right I guess. That doesn’t say anything about your relationship either…it’s really just pure chance.

Post # 9
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I used to do Pure Romance, so I am pretty knowledgable when it comes to these kind of things.

First of all, most women will not have a g-spot/vaginal orgasm unless they are also stimulated in some other way (anal, clitorial, nipples).

You want to spend lots of time on foreplay to warm up. Having him go down on you is an excellent way to do this. If you can tell him to do a “come here” motion with his fingers while fingering you… he can find your g-spot. It will feel differently from the rest of your vagina. Vibrators are an excellent way to really intensify any orgasm (it doesn’t need to be large!)

Speaking of vibrators, google “jelly tool belt”. This is such an awesome toy, I really suggest it if you want to get off before he does ๐Ÿ™‚

Another cool thing is that you can actually stimulate your g-spot from the outside of your body, right below your belly button. You’ll have to finger from the inside to get started on stimulating it… but after a while just pushing down on your stomach will stimulate your g-spot. Not many people know this.

 

Post # 10
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2012

P.S. Have him find 2 or 3 things he does that really turn you on. Have him repeat doing these things over and over or in a circuit (to change things up).

Post # 12
Member
3248 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I would suggest trying out some new things when you’re having fun by yourself– especially putting a finger (or more than one) or other clean objects you deem appropriate (!) in your vagina while still doing what feels best and what you’re used to, at the same time. That might get you more accustomed to the idea/feeling of orgasming when something is in your vagina. I think (from personal experience) that “practicing” this way can be important– and it’s kind of fun and interesting, if you don’t mind touching yourself that way.

But, yeah, it is pretty much impossible for me to come from P-in-V sex without some kind of clitoral stimulation as well– usually an angle or position adjustment will do the trick ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 13
Member
3248 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@TorTor09:  How interesting, I had no idea one could stimulate the G-spot from outside one’s body. How peculiar! Maybe that explains why, as I’ve read, that touching or stroking your belly just below the belly button can increase arousal. . . hmm.

Post # 14
Member
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

If you want to experiment by yourself to familiarize yourself, you could get a g spot vibrator which will help you find where it is, or get familiar with the sensation of having it massaged. 

I personally did not start having gspot orgasms until I was with my fiance who was surprisingly good at understanding the whole area (better than I was, actually).  THey are fantastically intense and absolutely worth experimenting to find.  ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 15
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2012

You can also try arousal creams. They would probably work a little bit better than warming lube for sure ๐Ÿ™‚ Try Nympho Niagra or XScream from Pure Romance. (I know I know… I’m promoting my old company.. but it’s honestly the only stuff I’ve used personally)

@Creiddylad:  Isn’t it though?! Sometimes if your guy has his hands around your hips and his thumb puts pressure in that spot outside your body, you definitely feel more intense sensations… or maybe that’s just me?

Post # 16
Member
2612 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m sure there are (lucky) ladies who can orgasm just from penetration, but I’m convinced that for A LOT of women, it’s a myth that they can get there without some sort of “assistance.” That can be anything from vibrators (highly recommend one of those!), dildoes, porn, lube, his hands…The need for clitoral stimulation is EXTREMELY common as well. 

The thing is, the way our culture thinks of sex implies that this somehow isn’t normal or that it’s like, a secondary afterthought to what’s assumed is the “main event”=penetration. I’m not necessarily interested in starting a sociological debate, but honestly, when you think about the fact that penetration is a much better bet for men than for a lot of women, that idea is relatively patriarichal. So don’t think–and don’t let your man think–of oral sex or hand stimulation or toys or whatever you need as somehow “not sex” or it’s somehow a failure if he gets you to climax with something other than his penis–if it makes you orgasm, then it makes you orgasm. 

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