(Closed) To plus one or not?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

It’s a tough decision deciding who to invite without the added stress of others adding pressure.

I think that you maybe should of invited the people as a couple who were in serious relationships. A serious relationship is different to one that has just began or is just mucking around and they may of found it offensive that you didnt think they were as worthy of those engaged when it may not be an option at the present time.

 

Post # 4
Member
327 posts
Helper bee

plus one should be given to those who are in a serious relationship, it is better to invite a couple to a  wedding, so the person will not feel lonely in case he/she does not know anyone in the party. or maybe you should ask them first to plan ahead.

Post # 5
Member
5480 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

People in relationships should be treated as social units.

Post # 6
Member
4691 posts
Honey bee

@DaneLady:  Yup. Simple as that. Especially serious relationships. 

Post # 7
Member
1549 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Anyone in a serious relationship should be invited with a guest. Think of how you would have felt prior to your engagement if your FI was invited to a wedding but you weren’t, just because you were not yet engaged. 

Post # 8
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Personally, I think you handled it as well as you could. You only have a finite amount of space/money and you can’t invite everyone on the planet. It’s rough to be in that spot, but personally, I would much rather a good friend invited me to their wedding solo than left me off the list altogether because they couldn’t afford to give all their friends plus ones. Just continue to let people know that if you have people decline, you’ll be happy to include their partners. 🙂 (Of course Mr. E and I are both independent adults, and live in the real world where we understand that what people want to do and what they can afford to do are not always the same thing, and we are completely capable of spending an evening at a social function solo without imagining it to be a passive aggressive slight against one or the other of us or a message about our relationship. 😉

Post # 9
Member
12629 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Anyone in a serious relationship should be given a plus one.  If they’re single, I think you’re fine to invite them alone, as long as they will know other people at the wedding.  But anyone in a significant relationship (I’d say 6 months or longer) should not be divided.

Post # 10
Member
882 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

But when you start picking and choosing who you think is in a serious relationship, you run the risk of getting even more people mad at you. Who are you to say that friend A is in a relationship that is more serious than cuosin B?! What about your outspoken fiancee’s friend who has a new girlfriend every few months—4 months may be serious to him, but not to you. It’s a fine line…That’s why people have rules and don’t make excpetions

The engaged, married, or living together rule is a good one to follow. OP, TRUST ME—when your friends who are in a relationship get engeged and have to make their own guest list—they’ll totally get it! I think it was great of you to explain this to your friends and let them know when space opens up, you’ll certainly let them know. 

@elvis your quote about being independent, understanding guests is spot on…and more people need to adopt this attitude! 

Post # 11
Member
5080 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

we gave everyone a +1.  

Post # 12
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I totally don’t think everyone should automatically be given a plus one just because they’re in a serious relationship. Your wedding should be about inviting people who have been a part of your life. And it surprises me that people think of weddings as a date night. I say you handled it well.

Post # 13
Member
3627 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

We didn’t give anyone a plus one. If you were married, you could bring your spouse. If you were unmarried, we invited your SO if we were also friends with them. No one said anything about this to us (God only knows what was said behind our backs haha).

Post # 14
Member
1199 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m doing the same. I have friends that are single and some that are in a relationship, but I don’t know their SO. But my friends all know each other. I’m not giving a plus one to my single friends, especially when I don’t know their SO. Unless I get cancellations from other people, then I don’t mind them coming. I’m nit inviting a lot of family members as it is because I’m only having 50 guest. So I can’t eliminate family for people I don’t know. The way Isee it, if they are your closes friends, they would understand and want to be there for you no matter what. Don’t stress yourself out about it. The ones that really want to be there will. 

Post # 15
Member
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@landb:  If you made your cut-off be for any engaged or married couples, then that is your choice, and it’s rude of these friends to get angry about it.

No one on the outside can truly judge the seriousness of a relationship, many more couples these days are getting married within a year of dating, so for those couples the 2 month mark may be considered when they started being in a serious relationship, and for others it’s not until a year mark. 

Now if we’re talking couples that have been together for 7 years and just aren’t married or engaged then you really should have considered them as engaged anyways, also if they are living together it’s best to consider them married. Many couples are just choosing not to marry ever, and that shouldn’t mean they never get to attend functions as the social unit they are.

I think you followed a good guideline of where to draw the line for +1’s. Usually the same people that will complain about their SO’s not being invited are the same people that will complain about anything they can find to complain about.

Post # 16
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I gave all the people that were in a relationship a plus one. I don’t think that they would want to come alone.

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