(Closed) To propose or not?

posted 5 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
3302 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

So be honest. Tell him you really want a ring and you don’t appreciate having it dangled in front of you and taken away. Proceed from there.

And the whole surprise proposal is so fake and ridiculous.  There’s nothing surprising about a proposal after 3 years of dating. His excuses sound rather lame

 

Post # 3
Member
10217 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

View original reply
specialk90:  

I am hoping he is just trying to throw me off.. I cannot fathom how this is Ok with you OP ( if it is, that  is! )

He clearly gave  the impression he was intending to buy and give you an engagement ring  , ie the token by which you demonstrate you are proposing marriage .  Then he stuffs it up  financially in some way and asks  what you’d like instead  ( to which ,incidentally ,I’d have thought you’d say ‘a bunch   of flowers  is fine,  save the money for my  ring’ ) Be that as it may, you asked for a charm bracelet , to which  he responds. 

 not to tell him what to get me when he is the one who asked me what i wanted.

I fear an engagement is not on the cards any time  soon dear OP . And frankly  , he is behaving like  a dick.

 

 

Post # 4
Member
8774 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

View original reply
specialk90:  I would be pissed off. You can’t ask your partner of three years to go and get her ring finger measured and show you the styles she likes and they say she has to wait for it to be a surprise. It won’t ever be a freaking surprise now! I would be really annoyed and instead of asking for a bracelet I would be suggesting he saves his money and gets closer to getting the ring.

Post # 5
Member
8774 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

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specialk90:  Oh and I am not saying this out of spite but when I was with my ex and desperate for us to get married after being together 4 years, he suggested we went ring browsing so he could save up and get me the ring I wanted / had an idea of what to get me. Well, safe to say, he saved no money, never intended on marrying me and I ended it 6 months later. He was never going to marry me but felt that leading me on was the better option than just telling me he didn’t ever want to get married. I am of course not saying that your fella is the same, but please don’t let him string you along.

Post # 7
Hostess
10353 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

I thought about proposing to my guy too because I was sick of waiting. DO NOT DO IT. You will regret it. After he proposes, then get him an engagement gift. But if you propose, you will forever regret that you never got your “moment.” 

He could be trying to throw you off, or he could be telling the truth about money. In that case, why not get engaged without a ring, begin planning and get rings for your wedding day?

Post # 9
Hostess
10353 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

View original reply
specialk90:  Sorry, by the title of your post I thought you were asking if you should propose instead. I do agree that it’s unfair that he “teased” you with it. But I think this opens up the opportunity for you guys to communicate and get on the same page about your engagement. The element of surprise is gone, so you might as well get to help him pick the ring you want (or the bracelet if you decide to go with that).

Post # 10
Hostess
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

My husband threw me off.. He actually got me a watch as a gift 2 years ago, and I loved it. We had talked about what rings i liked before, but nothing more. He always joked that he would get me an “engagment necklace” and start a new trend lol, so I thought an engagment was preettty far out.. Fast forward to a week after I got the watch, we were driving to a really nice restaurant for a dinner after a lonnnnng and stressful week (jsut purchased a house) and i was moving my wrist around in the sun cause it was blingy lol and he says “better get used to that bling cause its all your getting for a while”, in a stone cold voice lol… and I was kinda taken back by it but though to my self oh well whatever.. 10 minutes later, he was pulling out my dream ring from a box and proposing to me. Some men are different than others. He was worried I may have been suspecting something that night which was why he threw in that comment, to make sure I was indeed surprised. In reality i had no idea he was proposing or that he had a ring made. I do feel like I am in a smaller minority of women who have had this whole v”throwing you off then propose” thing happen, however don’t give up hope and also don’t let it consume you. Throwing you off is definitely not a fair thing to do, but you won’t know if he did or didn’t until that day comes. I would say hold off speaking to him until it does or doesn’t happen when you thought it would…

I agree with others that if he doesn’t propose to you, perhaps you can help him pick out what ring you would like now. And if he does propose, then he got what he wanted which was to throw you off. Hang in there love

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 11 months ago by  steph91.
Post # 11
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

View original reply
specialk90:  Wow! This sounds sooooo similar to my story.  Sorry about the long backstory.  

My fiance and I have been talking about our hypothetical wedding for the last year, ever since we bought our house. However, this summer the talks got more serious.  He was not subtle at all.  We went to get my finger sized and figure out the style of ring that I liked. This was back in June or July.  He told me that we would be engaged by the end of the year or something was seriously wrong.  Then he would tease me about having to make “a big purchase soon.”  Well needless to say, on 12/31/15 I thought for sure it was going to happen, and when it didn’t it crushed me.  We had a long talk about how hurt I was on 1/1/16 and how irrational I knew it was but I just seriously couldnt wait to marry him.  He told me that he wanted it to be a surprise too and wanted to see that look on my face.  So now that the deadline was gone, I honestly had no idea when to expect it.  Well 11 days later he proposed when I was least expecting it and I couldn’t be any happier.  Turns out that he planned on proposing on 12/31/15 but my engagement ring was actually stuck on a UPS truck and couldn’t get delivered in time.

So this is all to say that I know its super hard to wait and they seem super evil at times.  But I also loved that my fiance kept me in the loop and was so unsubtle beause that allowed me to be excited everyday for half a year.  As soon as you just breathe (trust me I know its hard), then he may just surprise you on a random tuesday completely out of the blue!

Good luck bee!!!! 

Post # 12
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2016

View original reply
specialk90:  Oh no I’m so sorry, I know how terrible that feeling is. I’d ask him to save the money he was planning to spend on a bracelet and put it towards a ring!

I had a similar experience with my BF, he told me a year ago that he “wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.” And we’ve been talking about marriage and our future together for a while as well. In November I brought up getting engaged, and he agreed it was a good time and would start saving for a ring. We looked at rings in December, just briefly, but he insisted he got a good enough idea. Well, we had an anniversary at the end of January and got concert tickets and a night in a nice hotel…he had told me earlier that week that he was running a “special errand” for me. 

Of course I thought it would’ve been the perfect weekend trip for a proposal! However, Sunday night came and nothing had happened. I was disappointed and when he asked me what was wrong, I did let him know what I was feeling and he was understanding. 

I don’t think guys understand how seriously us women take this subject, and it is really beyond cruel to get your hopes up just to crush them. I would honestly talk to him about it, and let him know your feelings and that you don’t appreciate being teased. 

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