(Closed) To reception or not to reception…that is the question!

posted 4 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 16
Member
1300 posts
Bumble bee

If it’s an all-inclusive, does that mean the guests are paying for the dinner themselves in the price of their stay? If so that’s terrible, you need to either go outside the resort or talk to the resort about doing something special for dinner that wouldn’t normally be included. (And then yes, you need to pay for it)

Post # 17
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016 - Sassafraz in Toronto, Ontario

Ok, the OP didn’t say they weren’t paying for their guest’s stay…but if they aren’t it would be in especially poor taste not to host a get together afterwards, with a meal.

I even asked my Fiance (who for the record, thought our reception should be in a resturant where the guests pay their own bills) and he was shocked at the suggestion. 

Post # 18
Member
1300 posts
Bumble bee

I have a feeling that if she’s asking if she needs to do more than a champagne toast then she’s not paying for their entire stay.

Post # 19
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

yes host a reception, unless you are paying for people’s hotel rooms. if they are paying that much $ to attend, its bad form not to pay for their dinner, drinks, etc.

Post # 20
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

since it’s all inclusive, maybe you can get a cheaper deal since food/drinks included in their stay? there has to be something they can do to make it private reception

Post # 21
Member
7231 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

If I spent my money and vacation time to attend a Destination Wedding out of the country and the couple didn’t at least provide dinner, I’d be pretty irritated. You’re asking your guests to spend a few thousand dollars to attend your wedding and you aren’t going to thank them with dinner? I feel like that shouldn’t even be a question. 

Post # 22
Member
319 posts
Helper bee

I’m having a destination wedding in Maui and we are going all out for our guests. But funny thing is that our whole wedding (not counting flights and hotel room, as we are considering that vacation/honeymoon costs) is only about $12k this  includes a photog/video/flowers/cake package that is about $3500. The we are doing a private catamaran snorkel trip at $2500. A welcome happy hour at $1500 with heavy appetizers and 3 course meal for $2500. cocktail happy hour between wedding and dinner at $500 and welcome bags/invites at $1000. Give or take misc other costs.

we opted not to host dancing but we are all going to a divy tiki bar after dinner and they have dancing and a dj. We care callin it an after party and guests can go or not. But I e heard of lots of couples going there and having a great time. 

Post # 23
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

OP, I love the question you asked because that is why Weddingbee can be so helpful.  I also appreciate that you were open to hearing the answers even though it’s hard to have lots of people saying you are rude.  Actually, you were thinking through things and asked an honest question.  I don’t think you’re rude, just needed some advice and direction.  Rude people, so many times, just don’t care what other’s think.

Post # 24
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee

I’m going to go against the grain and say you can do whatever you want. Why are people attending? Because they want to. No one is forcing them to attend. I hate the notion that when inviting people to something that they CAN decline, all of the sudden you owe them the world. 

We thought about having a Destination Wedding, and afterward go to the restaurant adjacent to the inn and buy dinner… where the plates are like $10-15 a piece and for 20 people that wouldn’t be that much. But we certainly weren’t going to have an entire party for them. 

You know why I say these things? How many people send out graduation invitations, INVITATIONS, yet no one actually travels to these things and send money. If people did come, they certainly aren’t offered an entire reception for it. That’s all an invitation is. It’s telling people the when/where/how/why/who and offereing them the chance to go if they so like. But no one is forced to go. 

And when you start factoring in other countires, you run the risk of guests stating, after you say you’ll pay for their meal “I only eat gluten-free” “I’m a vegetarian/vegan” “my kids only eat mac n cheese”. So while maybe there is etiquette for people having a wedding, there is guest etiquette too that MANY don’t follow. I have a cousin who’s wife is EXTREMELY health food savy. EXTREMELY. So much to the extreme that she refuses to pay for anything that is remotely unhealthy or is meat. So for their wedding? It was all health food and vegetarian. So guess what? All that money they spent? Most went to waste, because, guess what? We’re all meat eaters! So all that thousands of dollars went to waste, and we all had to go out after the wedding and find food anyway because we hadn’t eaten. So yeah. While that is a host sided issue, it could easily be turned the way other (where a person who only eats health food expects the entire meal to be catered to them) and actually, there was a post about a guest who mentioned their diet and they needed these specific things. 

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