Post # 1
Howdy all… I’m debating removing one bridesmaid from my bridal party. We recently had a small fight that grew into a larger one…
We recently had a small fight that grew into a larger one… Started with her making comments to me I didn’t appreciate, so I told her I didn’t like it, and she didn’t take it so well… turning the blame on me. It got to a point where she said I was no longer HER bridesmaid in her wedding bc she felt I was aggressive.
We’ve since had a convo about it to hash it all out.. and she apologized for the original reason this all started, but a lot of things were said after that hurt me. I didn’t get into it with her bc I felt why even try — she doesn’t seem to want to apologize.
Now she has me back as her bridesmaid… but I have this sinking feeling it doesn’t feel right. Like I don’t really feel like I want to be hers anymore, and even more so I do not want her to be one of mine. I feel odd about it all bc I was so upset when she cut me out, but the more I reflect I realize this person hasn’t made me feel good about myself, despite her saying she absolutely doesn’t judge people or want to hurt people. It may just be the connection isn’t there anymore.
I find myself now in an awkward spot… I am in her wedding, she thinks we’ve fairly resolved things, but I can’t shake my unsettled feelings… and it makes me uneasy to think of her being up there with me and others who have been there for me so much.
I know this is a bit of a specific situation, but curious what other Bees have to say on it… or if you had to deal with anything like removing a friend from your party.
Post # 2
I’d say you really need to sit down with her and have a chat about things. Tell her that you know that she apologized which you appreciate but you’re having trouble moving past things she said and would like to talk it out with her.
If she can’t sit down and have a civilized conversation then perhaps you two aren’t good together.
Post # 3
- Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club
sunshadebride : I would say that you approach her and say something along the lines of, “I think it would be better and more comfortable for both of us if we were just guests at each others weddings. I would hate to re-hash things and we both need to avoid being stressed during this time in our lives.”
Post # 4
I think you shouldnt have her in your wedding. What was said was said and an apology doesnt change that. You can say too much has happened and with that you dont think it feels right to have her in your wedding
Post # 5
Your wedding isn’t until next May. Why not just let things settle down a bit?
Post # 6
So 2 things. 1, your wedding is still very far away. You have no idea what will happen between now and then.
2, kicking her out could be friendship ending. Do you want to continue to be friends with her? If you dont, then 100% go ahead. If you still want to rekindle the friendship, I’d sit tight for now.
Post # 7
@julies1949 and @scissorgirl — I totally get mine is further out. I think part of the reason I’m considering this now is:
– feelings are really fresh from what happened.
– This also isn’t the first time I’ve thought about taking her off. I am very close to everyone else in my bridal party, and none of them have ever made me feel this judged or disrespected. It’s a common issue that she doesn’t seem to get is happening between us.
– I am in her bridal party, and her wedding is in November. Ironically I am trying to be respectful to her a bit… I can’t imagine if I was a part of the whole thing, unhappy to be there and knowing she isn’t going to be in mine.
I totally know that doing this could end it all. But like I said, it’s been an ongoing issue… and part of me has had these inner feelings to just end it or slowly fade things out. Me being picked as her bridesmaid added anxiety bc now I feel like that isn’t as easy to do.
I have been taking a few weeks to process this so far and can take some more time for sure… but part of me is thinking it may be wiser to bring it up now than wait last-minute for her wedding and all.