- 7 years ago
Here’s the deal. I am 32, my Fiance is 34. He has been married before, I have not. I lived on my own for 5 years before we met. We have a baby, so I had a baby shower last April. We are getting married in July. We are both very stable/fortunate in our careers, we are stable, but we do not buy new things, go on vacations, etc. We are not going on a honeymoon. He does not want me to have a bridal shower. His reasoning is that he has been married before and people have already bought him stuff and he doesn’t want anyone to spend anymore money on him.
I have two bridesmaids and they (and my parents) are adamant that I have a bridal shower. Their reasoning is that I am only getting married once and they think I will really regret it if I do not have one. In my family most women have had babies before they got married and have had showers for both.
Honestly, I am kind of indifferent. Neither my Fiance nor I are particularly gift-grabby…He hates gifts/hand outs of any kind. I like getting gifts, but I always do feel guilty when people give me something. I was incredibly uncomfortable opening up my baby shower gifts and have never felt like anything shoud be all about me. At this point I don’t feel like I would be particularly upset, but I guess I don’t know how I would feel in 20+ years. Obviously the thought of getting new kitchen stuff, towels, etc is appealing because, well who doesn’t like new towels? But it’s not like I would be devestated to not have new towels.
I didn’t purchase anything when I got my first apartment, but over the past few years people have gotten me kitchen things, etc for my birthday/christmas because they know I love cooking. That being said a lot of the stuff that we have is “left overs,” you know, the stuff that his ex-wife decided not to take with her when she left. I do hate seeing it everyday, but it doesn’t bother my Fiance and he would find it insane if I say, registered for silverware or diningware because we have some. I guess the best I can do is say I don’t, but do want a shower? ugh.
Our wedding is going to be 150 (if everyone shows), mostly family and a few friends. We are doing it in our yard (we live on a vineyard, so it is a great venue really). The wedding itself will be pretty casual, but we are getting it catered, having a dj, tent, dance floor, etc.
What should I do? Is it inappropriate for me to have a shower because it is my Fiance second wedding, we live together and we have a baby?