(Closed) To shower, or not to shower?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
350 posts
Helper bee

Have a shower. The shower is about you 🙂 

Post # 3
1667 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Disneyland - January 2016

Why not let your family decide if you have a shower or not? You’re not really supposed to plan/throw one for yourself, so if your family is really adamant that you need to have one then they’ll probably step up to it. I don’t think it’s weird or wrong to have one though, it doesn’t matter if you already have done all those things you listed 🙂

Post # 4
9258 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
MrsVC2015:  If your loved ones want to throw you a party, why not? It’s not your fiance’s place to say they can’t. I would ask his mom or sister (or have the shower hosts ask) if there’s anyone on his side who might like to be invited.

Post # 5
10035 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

If they want to throw it for you, let them. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it.

Post # 6
519 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I am 26 and my fiance is 30. I am my fiance\s second marriage. His in laws are the ones THROWING me a shower. They didnt do that the first time. They just love me and want to do something nice for me.

How does his past marriage affect you? It wasn’t your mistake or decision. This is your experience. Do what you want. <br />I’ve given into a lot of things out of pressure frmo being wedding #2 and its taking me time to get over it adn slowly I am. This is my life and there are no experiences I should be discluded from as a result of someone elses past decisions.

Post # 7
1443 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

If people really want to throw you a shower, it’s a bit ungracious to tell them not to, in my opinion. In this case, it’s about them as much as you, and you’ll get nice things out of it.

You should register for things regardless, because people are going to want to get you things for your wedding.

If your Fiance can’t find away to accept getting some nicer versions of things you already own (gasp!) he’s an ass. You’re having a wedding, people know they don’t have to spend money on gifts, but they’ll want to, regardless of whether you want them to. It feels weird to show up to a wedding or a shower empty handed, and they’re fun events, so it’s like your contribution. Almost like a pot luck if that makes sense. And majority of people don’t strictly need many of the things they register for.

Post # 8
778 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Its unfair for him to take away this expierence for you, because he had one already….
And i would register for all his ex left behind, so you can have your own. (and can throw hers out)

Post # 9
7598 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

He is against it and you’re indifferent. Bridesmaid opinions don’t trump yours. I say no shower.

Post # 10
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

If it isn’t about the gifts, then why include them at all? Send out invites and have a lovely day with yor friends, provide light food and have some games (or whatever you want!)

I recently went to one and it was just a high-tea, the invite said “your presence is presents enough” or “thank you but gifts are not necessary”

its is quite common here in Australia. Especially as they usually have to fork out for a hens night as well.

Post # 11
4496 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

The bridal shower isn’t for him; it’s for you. The gifts you’d receive aren’t household gifts, typically; they’re personal items, again, for YOU. If your friends want to throw one, and you want to have one, I’d go for it. 


Post # 12
824 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

It is appropriate. People are happy for you and want to share in your joy. That is what the gifts will be about.

Post # 13
1973 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
MrsVC2015:    ‘Is it inappropriate for me to have a shower because it is my Fiance second wedding, we live together and we have a baby? “

<br />Curious, did your fiance or someone (if so who?) tell you a bridal shower is inappropriate because you guys already have a baby?

Post # 14
9565 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

A shower is not about grabbing gifts and it’s not a charity project for those poor underprivledged women barely scraping by with out standmixers. Theyre about women who love and support you showing up to make YOU feel cherished and supported as you become a wife. Tell your Fiance to pipe down, this is not about his failed marriage. This is about you and the women in your life- let them throw you a shower.

Post # 15
11535 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I would allow them to host a shower for you. 🙂

To address your FI’s concerns, simply do not provide your bridesmaids and family with any names and addresses of your FI’s family or friends, and mention to those hosting the shower that your Fiance just would not be comfortable with any of his friends and family being invited to the shower.

I married very late in life after having lived alone for many years and having owned my own home. My friends still hosted a lovely bridal shower for me. However, my then-FI/now-DH (for whom this is a second marriage) did not want any of the women in his family invited to my shower. Not only would they have had to travel several hours from another state, but also he did not want his family members to feel obligated to purchase shower gifts for me, since a number of them would not have comfortably had the means to do so.

ETA: I should add that one of my DH’s daughters and his daughter-in-law were actually a part of another shower that was hosted in my honor in the town in which DH and his family lived.

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