To speak up or not to speak up ?

posted 6 months ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

Hmm I’d be worried about ruining it incase he’s got something planned but it has been a while, have you got any vacations coming up that he’s waiting for? I’d probably just drop a few subtle hints to start 

Post # 3
Member
9552 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

How expensive was the ring? It could take a while to pay off if he’s making payments. 

Post # 4
Member
2370 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse

hopefully19 :  I do think you should say something. It’s not right for you to just sit around and wait without any communication. 

You know your boyfriend better than us. Is he waiting for a holiday, special occasion or birthday? Is he a procrastinator? Does he forget and put things off? 

I would say usually for a man to have the ring for 6+ months and not propose is a red flag. However, I actually was in a similar situation. My husband bought the ring in December and didn’t propose until the following September. I didn’t know it at the time but he wanted to wait a while before getting engaged. We had only been together for not even a year 1/2 when he got the ring. So he waited until that summer to propose but didn’t have a chance to sit down and talk with my parents until August. Then he proposed in September. 

My point is, it’s not a big deal he’s had the ring for a while if he is communicating that with you and letting you know what’s going on. But I think it’s fair for you to have some knowledge of what is taking so long.

 

Post # 6
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee

I think a timeline talk is a good idea 🙂 keep it simple and calm, “hey I know we went ring shopping 6 months ago and I just wanted to make sure we are on the same page? Do you see us getting engaged this year (insert any timeframe you’d like to say)?” My boyfriend and I have been together for four years and the timeline talk helped me a lot. It also allowed him to talk about things that bother him, pressure from family as he wants it to be a genuine surprise, not something I see coming. After our conversation, he indicated late summer to early fall. It’s farther than I’d dream, but I value his feelings and opinion and what’s a few more months? Now I can shush and wait :p I’ve heard of other partners taking more time than expected because they’re paying off the ring, so that may be what he says, but he’ll have a general idea! 

Post # 7
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee

First ask your good friends if something is coming that they know about. If they haven’t heard a peep about anything than I’d just ask him. Just say hey, it’s been about 6 months since we went ring shopping, what is our timeline for getting engaged? See what he says. If he says, I want it to be a suprise I think you can say, well the longer it goes without a proposal the less if a suprise it is because I’m having to ask when. If you wanted it to be a suprise a proposal on the sooner end of things would have been a suprise. Then just say, I’d like to be engaged by x month. Just to make your expectations clear. Then wait till then. 

 

hopefully19 :  

Post # 8
Member
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

You should say something. This is a mutual decision and you have the right to be informed. Even if that means you just get a rough timeline. It’s totally fair to want an idea of what your future will look like and a proposal is part of that. Plus you will feel better.

So as to what to say. You could sit him down and say something like, “I just wanted to check in about us getting engaged. We looked at rings a while ago, so I want to make sure we are still on the same page. You don’t have to give me specifics, but when do you think we will get engaged?”

Then make sure that is something you are comfortable with. For example, if you get “By the end of the year.” You have to decide if you are willing to wait a whole year. But maybe if you get “Before spring is over.” That might be more palatable. 

You can also stress how long wedding planning takes. Men seem to have no concept of that. That can hurry things along for some guys. 

Post # 9
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee

I also have to say, I’m so sick of the idea that a proposal NEEDS to be a suprise. All that does is give the guy an excuse to waste time and be a jerk. I wouldn’t care if I knew for a fact my boyfriend was proposing tomorrow, at dinner before desert! Haha it wouldn’t ruin it AT ALL. I hope somewhere down the line we letgo of the stupid tradition that it needs to be a suprise to be wonderful, romantic and valid. 

Post # 11
Member
3093 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

He bought the ring and was excited about it, so I would let him have his surprise. But be open about the fact that you want it to be sooner rather than later. If another 3 or 4 months go by and nothing, then I’d start asking straight up what he is waiting for.

Post # 12
Member
1152 posts
Bumble bee

I like this suggestion. Sounds very neutral and non-pressuring but gets the point across. happybridetobe1 :  

Post # 13
Member
1580 posts
Bumble bee

Definitely bring it up. Especially with the new year you could frame it like, if we are getting engaged in the next 3 months we need to start budgeting for wedding in 2020, what are your thoughts etc etc 

Post # 14
Member
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I’d say “Sweetie you’ve got about 2 more months to ask me, if you haven’t done it by then I’m asking you and you’ll have to get the engagement ring you bought sized to your finger” 😂

Post # 15
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee

hopefully19 :  If he placed it on hold 6 months ago and was using a payment plan, do you have any idea how long that payment plan was? To be paid off in 6 months would be something like 450.00 a month prior to any sort of fees if they have those. I’m not really familiar with payment plans for jewelry. Is it possible that it may take more time for him to pay for it than you think, or is a 2700 purchase a one or two month payment for him?

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