(Closed) To spill the beans or not to spill the beans

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1019 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

hmmm…. to be honest, now that I am engaged I assume that people know I will be sharing things with Fiance. But if somebody specifically asked that I NOT tell him, I think I would have to respect that. I dunno… that’s one of the tough things about getting married… figuring out where to draw some of those lines!

Post # 4
Member
3125 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

well, i guess it depends.  That seems like something that everyone will find out pretty soon.  I would tell!

I keep secrets that don’t in any way involve my SO and involve our friends personally.  If it were something involving him, or damaging, or something health related that was his business, I would.  It’s hard to tell when you can share or when you shouldn’t but there is definitely a line.  I have very few secrets from my SO but the ones I have are in the vault.

Post # 5
Member
1455 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I usually tell my Fiance things unless I know it would embarass the person who told it to me. If my friend tells me something she’s going through that is VERY personal, I won’t share. But if she tells me that so-and-so is cheating on so-and-so and don’t tell anyone, I usually tell Fiance (if he knows the parties involved) but make sure he knows he wasn’t supposed to know.

Post # 6
Member
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

It really depends for me!

It depends on my relationship with the person that told me the gossip and why the have invested interest on keeping it on the DL!

I think with something that he is going to find out anyway (like what you are talking about) I would tell him – I think that he would be upset that I kept it from him when he eventually finds out!

Post # 7
Member
1455 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I actually got in some trouble with this… his sister sent me a HORRIBLY rude/mean email and I immediately forwarded it to Fiance. He then emailed his family (parents) showing them how their daughter was acting, thus making her look bad. She was FURIOUS that I’d fwd it but I was like, I mean come on… he’s my FI!!!!

I assume people share things with their Fiance I guess, and I don’t think it’s wrong!

Post # 8
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t know if I would tell, but it would KILL me!!!  LOL

I am NOT GOOD at secrets!  Well I guess i should clarify that – It’s the happy ones I’m really bad at.  The juicy ones are a little easier.  I usually decide (to tell or not) by figuring out what worst case would be – would someone be really hurt or would it ruin a relationship. 

Post # 9
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Well, I think some of it depends on how the conversation too place.  While I can only recall one time it happened to me, someone told me something and then afterwards said, “Don’t tell Fi.”  Umm you can’t just tell me something without my consent, then order me not to tell my Fiance. 

Now if the person had said they had something important to tell me regarding (something not important to my guy), and asked if I could just not share it with him…..before sharing the secret, I would honor what I agreed to.

But really, who should worry about a girl telling her Fiance.  Honestly, the guys will probably be much better about keeping the secret.  Of course I kind of think it’s because they honestly don’t care about most of the stuff we find interesting 😉

Post # 10
Member
2015 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Nope, I don’t and won’t keep anything from my FI/husband. It’s just not how we work. I assume that when people are married, both parties end up knowing whatever secret was told. And that how we are, too. And I also think that’s okay.

Now, if someone needed to confide in me during an extenuating circumstance, and they didn’t want me to tell my Fiance, then I might reconsider if it seemed like the right thing to do.

But for something like this, where it’s just a wedding being postponed, I would be telling my Fiance, and maybe asking him to keep quiet about it 🙂

Post # 11
Member
990 posts
Busy bee

I tell loverboy EVERYTHING. I think it’s generally assumed that that’s the way it works, isn’t it?

Post # 12
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Just because you are married, doesn’t mean you need to tell things to your Fiance that a) have nothing to do with him b) are just gossip or c) you were specifically asked not to tell him.

I know his friends probably talk to him about stuff and we respect this boundary that I don’t need to know it b/c it’s not my business.

I will say that I’ve told some sensitive stuff to my friend, who immediately told her Fiance. Needles to say, I wonder what I can trust her with if she can just blab that to him. It was incredibly personal and really absolutely zero of his business. So, I am *that friend* that won’t share gossip with her husband if it’s none of his business. I want to honor my friendships, not be a blabber tattle-tale, having been on the not so pleasant receiving end of things.

Oh, for one, my friend went and blabbed to her bf that I had *private* boudoir pics, then promptly told me his negative opinions on them, even though I asked her not to tell anyone since they were a surprise. Apparently he is exempt from this? So now I’m creeped out that this guy KNOWS I posed half naked in front of a camera. Seriously, i think it was just irresponsible on her part, NOT TO MENTION she did NOT have to tell me how *stupid* he thinks they are. None of his BEESWAX! THe other incident was incredibly personal

Post # 13
Member
3979 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I tell my Fiance just about everything… unless I know it will get him fired up or cause him extreme unnecessary heartache.

As for my friends, I assume they tell their husbands everything as well… so I am careful as to what I tell them. If I didn’t want it to get back to anyone, I wouldn’t say it.

The only person I’ve ever been able to trust to not spill the beans is my mom and my Fiance. 🙂 

Post # 14
Member
908 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I usually share everything with him but I honestly think most people assume that.  My BFF has said to me numerous times “I know you will tell Daisygroom this but don’t tell anyone else”.

I think that the line is drawn in a way because he knows which things are secrets so he wouldn’t go back to my BFF and start talking to her about something awkward. 

At Daisygroom’s bachelor party one of his GMs told him that he was going to propose to his Girlfriend soon.  He said that he knew Daisygroom would tell me but not to tell anyone else.  I was SO friggin excited I could hardly handle it!!  Usually I would tell some remote family member the news if I couldn’t hold it in, but since our wedding was a few weeks away and all these people were about to meet for the first time, I couldn’t tell anyone.  Needless to say, when they FINALLY announced their engagement I was thrilled!!

Post # 15
Member
2476 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I pretty much tell my Fiance everything!  I am such a gossip, haha… but I only gossip with him!  Usually he just sits there and listens while I gab on and on, LOL! 

Post # 16
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I usually tell him.  In fact it is killing me to keep his groom’s cake a secret and my wedding dress!

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