(Closed) To Submit, or Not To Submit?

posted 6 years ago in Christian
Post # 183
Member
5886 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Syzygy88:  I’m not judgeing the why.  It seems that for some people, this is a way to create a good life because it’s a match for their personalities.  For some people it’s part of their religious beliefs.  Who am I to argue with someone’s chosen religious path?

Again, it’s not for me, but that doesn’t mean that I’m going to judge people who choose this path.  I’m not them, and I’m sure they can make the best decisions for themselves.

Post # 184
Member
5886 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Syzygy88:  Oh yeah, I’m so grateful to all the women who created more options for us!  This is something that may work for some people, but let’s be honest, it’s a MINORITY of people!  Most of us would be absolutely miserable in this type of arrangement.  

Post # 185
Member
1065 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@cbgg:  Agreed!

Post # 186
Member
1065 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Okay, but why can’t you:

– Make God part of your marriage

– Pray over decisions

– Give each other mutual love and respect

WITHOUT deferring to your husband as the “final say” because. he. is. a. man?

Not because he’s your husband or you love him or you trust him or he is kind

but because. he. is. a. man.

Why does he get to be deferred to because he is a man? Please answer my question. And explain how that doesn’t imply some kind of superiority in men. 

 

Post # 187
Member
2515 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I am marrying an agnostic. It is an issue I wrestle with a little bit, and something I have discussed with God. This man loves me like crazy, and I don’t want to be without him. Perhaps I am making a mistake, but I am willing to accept the impact on the rest of my life. I am also not entirely certain whether “Don’t be unequally yoked” is simply wise advice or an actual prohibition. I’ve read a lot on the subject. I wanted to put that out there for 100% full disclosure.

My SO jokes with me from time to time. He’ll call me an enemy to my gender or a misogynist. He knows my views on Biblical submission, and yes, I adhere to them. He makes it very easy. He is actually very submissive, so there are not many occasions where I have to make a hard choice to submit. Let me repeat it again – it is VERY easy to Biblically submit to a man who loves and cherishes you.

I think we, as women, have a need to do this. I feel that it is a choice that brings peace and fulfillment. It’s hard to get this across to non-Christians, but it doesn’t mean to me, at all, that women are inferior to men. It means that men and women are different, have different roles, and want different things to feel at peace with who they are and where they are in life.

Example of submission:

Let’s say the car needs repairs. I want to take it to the garage up the road. I ask for SO’s input. He says he does not trust that garage, and would like to tackle the repair himself. I know he has no mechanical experience, and that the time and effort spent on him playing mechanic will mean the car is out of commission for much longer than if we were to just take it to the garage.

I express my concerns respectfully. Then I pick my battles and allow him to do what he feels is best. He buys some tools, and works on the car. He may get the job done, or it may end up at the garage. Throughout this process, I am NOT negative. I do NOT emasculate him. I support him. I actually appreciate the effort he spends on doing this task. He appreciates being able to feel needed and handy with tools. He gains a bit of mechanical skill in the process. Not really a big deal. Certainly not an abusive or inferior/superior thing. 

Of course, larger issues may arise. He may want to move or change jobs. It is something that will require more discussion than the car scenario. It is something that may be harder to submit to. Ultimately, though, my response is the same. I have to trust in God and in my husband that everything will work out eventually. Because I am loved, and my well-being is important to both him and God, I am not filled with fear.

 

For those asking about the agnostic scenario – The spiritual head of the household is missing. He has no problem with me raising future children up in Christianity. Even so, the best idea is probably for us not to have kids – something that I am fine with anyway at this point in time.

It may make my faith waver from time to time. These are risks to being bound to someone who does not share your faith. I am aware of these things, but still determined to marry him.

For those asking about WHY the MAN gets the final say – marriage is symbolism for our relationship with Jesus. Women represent the church; men represent Christ. It’s a picture of the relationship we have with our heavenly Father.

 

I have seen two Christian marriages in my own family where the wife “wears the pants” and does not allow her husband to be a man. She controls, she emasculates, she will not yield. It’s disastrous. Neither wife nor husband feels fulfilled or respected or cherished or loved.

 

 

Post # 188
Member
6239 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

I am not religious and I sometimes cringe when I hear it in ceremonies, especially for young women whose husbands I know are very domineering (one girl got married at 21 to a pastor who had very specific ideas of how women should act and what they should not be allowed to do.) However, I don’t have a problem with recognizing the man as the head of the household. A lot of the time, I end up exhibiting that behavior just because it comes naturally to our relationship dynamic.

Post # 189
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@chercee:  No. I’d never live in an enviroment were my husband and I were anything but equal partners and I’d be ashamed to let my children grow up in a household where women were taught to submit to men. I’m sorry, but the Bible says that rape victims should be forced to marry their rapists. Why don’t we look at that last sentence and agree that a book thousands of years old should possibly not be dispensing marital advice? I’ll leave that to the Dear Abby archives. 

Post # 190
Member
1521 posts
Bumble bee

@chercee:  I believe the man is the head of the household but the woman is the neck… without both u could nt function. I dnt believe in submissive but I do believe in traditional roles

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