(Closed) To switch or not to switch…. that is the question.

posted 7 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@mrsbigskymt: Have you talked to your Fiance about it? How would he feel if you went and got a bigger diamond?

What about getting a different setting for it? Maybe a halo setting so the ring looks bigger on your finger?

I think you need to talk to your Fiance about this and see how he feels about it all.

Also, do you know if the jeweler will buy the diamond back and allow you to upgrade? Or are you going to have to buy a whole new stone?

Post # 4
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

That is pretty touchy. Without guidance or assistance my guy got me a very high quality diamond that is .71 carat. I know it sounds horrible but I would have expected a full carart to a 1.5 carat. A few years ago when I was much younger a different guy proposed to me with a diamond that was more than double the size of my current stone.

Don’t get me wrong I would be happy to wear a river rock if it meant being with my current guy, but I make almost twice as much as him and could have pitched in to afford my dream ring if I would have known the ring was coming.

So my only suggestion would be to mention to your Fiance after you pick up your ring that someone mentioned to you about upgrading options, that you love the time and thought that went into picking out the ring you have but someday if you decide to upgrade that you would feel very comfortable putting forth some of the cash.

Best of luck!

Post # 5
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@KatNYC2011: I would tread lightly about directly telling him how you feel. Honestly I would not do that. But knowing my Fiance I think it would hurt him, you know your guy best.

Post # 6
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@BethAnnG: I think going behind his back and upgrading the stone without talking to him would hurt him much more.

Post # 7
Member
38 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2013

In My Humble Opinion, I think it’s too soon to want to upgrade.  If you upgrade without him knowing, it’ll hurt him.  If you talk to him about upgrading a few days after he proposed to you, that might hurt him just as much.  I say be happy with what he gave you and perhaps touch on the subject of an upgrade for an anniversary gift down the road. 

Post # 8
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@KatNYC2011: I do agree that upgrading without talking to him about it would be very hurtful. I just don’t think focusing the conversation on “it’s not big enough” would be a hard thing for most guys to hear.

There are lots of ladies walking around with rings that they might not have picked themselves, but that is the gamble of having the guy pick it out.

Post # 9
Member
4520 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Personally, I wouldn’t breathe a word about wanting to change the ring, but at the very least I *definitely* would not go upgrade the stone without talking to him. The ring isn’t only about what you want — it’s a gift from your Fiance to you. He picked it out for you, and I imagine that he would feel pretty bad if the ring came back from the jeweler with a magically supersized rock. Give it a chance to grow on you, and maybe a few years down the road you can suggest an upgrade.

Post # 10
Member
1614 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I would just upgrade the stone and never tell him…he’s a guy…he will never know the difference…and if he says anything you can just say that the jeweler mist have switched the stone accidntally…I am all about NOT hurting his feelings AND being happy with the ring you have to wear everyday of your life!!!

Post # 11
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@ForeverAndEverAfter: What if it turns out the stone was a family heirloom?

I think that’s really deceptive, deception is NOT a good way to start a marriage.

Post # 12
Member
2759 posts
Sugar bee

@ForeverAndEverAfter: That’s a pretty big blanket statement to make. Many men actually do their research and know quite a thing or two about the 4 Cs. He probably spent a great deal of time picking the ring out to give to her, I’m sure he’d notice if it suddenly jumped in size.

I just don’t think deception is the ideal way to begin a lifetime commitment. If you lie about this, what else would you deceive him by?

Post # 13
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@MissCalifornia: Also, if he insured the ring, the insurance would be voided because the stone would be different.

My Darling Husband did a TON of research on diamonds before buying mine. He knew exactly what he got me and would have notices a switched.

Post # 14
Member
1370 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@ForeverAndEverAfter:  No offense, but that’s terrible advice! Why would you actively promote lying to the poor guy?

OP, I don’t blame you because I think the same things about my 1/2 c diamond sometimes, but for now it’s lovely and I haven’t mentioned anything. In a few years when we’ve got our feet on the ground more we’ll look at a whole new ring. I wouldn’t change mine for the world. Some days I think it’s sort of small, other days it’s perfect and I love it. I vote just learn to love it. It’ll come in time.

Post # 15
Member
660 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Whatever you do, don’t just go upgrade it yourself. I agree deceiving him that way is not the way to go. Maybe down the road you can discuss upgrading for an anniversary. 

Post # 16
Member
1271 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

honestly, just get the band resized and wear it as-is for a while before saying anything at all.  i hear a lot of talk on these boards about how you have to wear it the rest of your life and every girl should have her dream ring, but really it’s not just about you.  your Fiance picked that ring out for you, and everyone always dismisses that guys have no idea and just picked any old ring…well all the guys in my circle of friends have always put a ton of thought into the ring.  so it’s not EXACTLY what you would have picked for yourself.  so what?  you didn’t pick it for yourself, HE picked it for you, and you love each other.  it sounds to me like it’s pretty close, just smaller than you envisioned.

wear it for a while and give it a chance to grow on you.  i wasn’t sure about my ring when Fiance first told me about what he planned, but i told him to go ahead with it and i swear it looks more beautiful to me every day and i would never, ever trade it for something else.  a few years down the road, if you still don’t like the size of the stone, maybe bring up upgrading it, but be tactful about it.

 

The topic ‘To switch or not to switch…. that is the question.’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors