(Closed) To take their offer or not??

posted 6 years ago in Money
Post # 3
9916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

You can get a tent big enough for all your guests.  I think that would be awesome, because you could have all your family and friends there.  Were you considering a destination wedding because you like the destination, or you like the relative seclusion of it?  If it’s “just” the destination you like, I would go for the family home wedding and a destination honeymoon.  If it’s the seclusion, I’d not take up the family home option.

Post # 4
995 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@MrsN2Be:  Idk….they couldn’t go to a destination wedding because of $…but they can afford all of this now? This sounds like a manipulative tactic to me….and then you are handing over control to them….what if you want to pick your own tents or linens? It sounds like you’re surrendering your wedding over to them. OR you’re picking everything out yourself and then HOPING they can now afford to compensate you–and you don’t hear “Oh I didn’t think it would be THAT much…I was thinking more like $X”


I say elope and have the wedding you want–if they want to throw you a party there when you get back, great. 

Post # 5
9548 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think it’s very smart of you to think this through. If you let them pay for the rentals then they get at least some say over the guest list. I think it’s actually better that they’re paying specificially for the tent/chairs/etc. as this means that they don’t get any real say on the things you would buy yourself like flowers/dress/DJ/food etc. But I would definately get an agreement from them about the size of tent needed for the number of guests so that you don’t have to stress as much about the rain plan. But also realize that there is a lot that goes into a backyard wedding. You’ll need power and restrooms and lighting and sound and a dancefloor and lots of other things that come with a typical venue. I’m doing a backyard wedding and I totally think it will be worth it, but it really is a lot of planning and work to make it happen. So, if it was me, I’d take the offer. Those rentals are expensive and it make your budget stretch further. But really think about if it’s the kind of wedding you want. Think about the realistic alternative if you do something else. And take into consideration that his parents may be hurt if you turn their offer down. This should keep you from truning it down, but if you do, do so as gently as possible.

Post # 6
240 posts
Helper bee

Personally I would NOT want to take money from ANYONE, for ANY REASON. It sounds all great right now, but once someone else is paying for your big day, guess what? They are going to want things the way THEY think is best – and because they’re shelling out the dough, how can you refuse?

I think you and your Fiance should take a few days to *really* think, long and hard, about what it is that you want your wedding to be. Is your heart set on getting married in Jamaica (the pics would be amazing!) or is it a deal breaker is not all your siblings and parents can attend? In my experience, generally the first thing that comes to mind is usually what your heart wants deep down inside.

Is there a way you could compromise? Say, have a very small intimate ceremony in a location where everyone you want to attend could make it, followed by a nice dinner and drinks – and then you could jet off to Jamaica and have a fancy, schmancy ceremony just the two of you with everything that you wanted to do in the first place.

My rule of thumb is this: Look, everyone is going to have an opinion with how YOUR wedding should be. Everyone else has their own version of how they want the day to play out. But it’s not their wedding. They’re not making a huge commitment. None of those people are going to be the people that you wake up next to every morning for the rest of your life.

You and your Fiance need to do what is going to make the two of you happy. Families, parents, be damned. They love you and will eventually get over it. And if they don’t? Let that be their childish, emotionally immature problem.

Post # 9
5073 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

This money comes with strings attached.  No thank you.

Head to Niagara Falls or Jamaica

Post # 12
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

It’s a generous offer. I would suggest you do it after talking it through with his parents and finding out if it comes with strings attached, and what they would be. Some parents would be great about it, other parents would take it over and throw it in your face that they are paying.

Post # 14
1470 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

we went to jamiaca on our honeymoon, originaly we had wanted a Destination Wedding but we were very glad we did not end up doing it.  No way would I have been comfortable in a tropical island in a weddingdress, it was too damn hot and humid, and my groom would have been sweeting his ASS off!!  not only that we must have seen 10 weddings while we were there, all cookie cutter all the same.  we were very glad we decided to have our simple country rustick wedding at home then spend a special honeymoon the two of us in swim gear for an entire week:)

Post # 16
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@MrsN2Be:  I honestly feel like you can’t go wrong taking the offer. To be quite honest, as much as I want to do things MY WAY and only MY WAY, if that means footing the bill completely myself, I would gladly give up a little bit of some of the power.

It sounds like a great offer- means more money for the honeymoon or other things. I wish I was in your position!

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