(Closed) To tell extended family or not to tell?

posted 6 years ago in Elopement
Post # 3
Member
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Why not 12/31, that is unless the marriage tax stuff will not benefit you in anyway!  LOL

 

“I know that seems crazy, but we will be having a family wedding later on down the road

If I tell them I’m getting married before, it will cause drama because that’s how my family is.”

Not sure if I understand it right, but you will have a wedding event later down the road, but not tell them (extended family) you got married?  If that is the case, then I would advise against any lying.  How about send out wedding annoucements of your wedding, then say we plan to have a celebration party this summer, stay tuned for invitations!

 

I think it will cause more drama if they find out you didn’t share this little tidbit.  It could really blow up in your face.

 

Post # 5
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

It could be very bad when they find out that you were already married and chose not to share the news.

Post # 6
Member
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m a little confused!  Embarassed

1/1/2013 is the quick elopement wedding

and the formal wedding is New Yera’s Eve as in 12/31/2013?

 

Correct me if I didn’t get it right!

Post # 9
Member
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I don’t think anyone has to know about the elopement that is coming up.  It sounds your goal it so not invite anyone and do this by yourselves. 

 

However, I am against the idea of throwing a whole wedding do over and not telling people you are married.  I’d call the NYE shebang a celebration/anniversary party, tell them in advance you’re married, just deal with the reaction because people can and will get over it eventually. I think most poeple favor the party part anyway (well they do on my side).

 

 

Post # 10
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

personally, I don’t see the point of eloping and then having a wedding a year (or more) later.  I think you should either elope and call it a marriage (with a small celebration soon after) or wait until the “formal wedding” to actually be married.

I’d be annoyed if I showed up to a huge wedding only to find out the couple had been married a year before?  to me, it would seem like a gift-grab or a need for too much attention. 

edit: I like a PP’s idea of an “anniversary party” where it wouldn’t be about presents but just be a NYE party that happened to be your anniversary.

Post # 12
Member
658 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

My SO and I are not telling the family or anyone til afterwards. We are each having our best friend attend the court house ceremony with us and thats it. I did tell my mother due to some health issues, I was afraid she couldn’t handle me just springing on her that we got married so I just told her we were doing before the end of the year. Its up to you how you want to do it, but for us, we love having this special little secret that noone else knows about.

Post # 13
Member
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

If you call it a vow renewal (not a formal wedding) then you are within the lines of etiquette there.  As long as they all know you were married.  That is actually OK then!

 

You can still register, but that info only gets shared if someone asks you directly, ‘Where have you registered?’

 

We regisetered for just a few small itesm only because Mother-In-Law bugged us so much saying his aunt wanted to get us something – might as well be something you like!  But I only share that if someone asks about it.

 

 

Post # 15
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

getting married soon isn’t horrible at all. no one is yelling at you, there’s no need to escalate things. we’re trying to tell you how we’d react to being invited to a wedding and realizing the couple was already married. (which is what you’re worried about! whether to tell your family!)  I think you should certainly tell them, probably after you’ve eloped and just say “we went ahead and got married because ____ but we are going to do a party to celebrate it later.”

vow renewals sound neat, Darling Husband and I may do a private one for our 10th or 20th anniversary.

Post # 16
Member
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

No you don’t have to tell anyone before you get legally married. We told close friends and family only. 

I hope it did not seem like I was putting you down.  I was just trying to point out what is OK etiquette wise (vow renewal yes), as etiqutte rules are created to minimze conflict and hurt feelings. 

And yes, there is a general consesus on the boards that it’s wrong to NOT tell people you’re married and redo a wedding.

 

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