(Closed) To tell him or not?

posted 7 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
2114 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Shooting him a text is easy enough , I think you should send the text.

Post # 4
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

Send the text. Then you know you did the right thing. If you’re son ever asks when he’s older, you did your part. 

Post # 5
Member
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I think you should just send him a text and let him know. He does have the right to know as the father…even if he chooses to ignore the information. At least you know you did your part. And this way if any confrontation ever occurs (not saying it will, but just in case) he can’t say that you kept that information from him.

Post # 6
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

there really isn’t any harm in telling him. What he does with the information is up to him. Atleast he can never say you kept him out of the loop

Post # 7
Member
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I was once in the same position. I can tell you the best advice I was given is people are out of your life for a reason. Now my son is 12 and we see his dad every 2 years. I email a couple times a year to let him know whats going on. I like to keep a more than civil relationship with him. Although my son has told me he doesnt want his dad at his own wedding and that he ” has No dad” Im sorry cause I remember what it was like. Im glad i kept his dad in the loop all these years later even though he doesnt make an effort to see my kid. I am very happy to hear your son calls your FH dad. My son is much older and will never have someone to call dad. he loves my FH though and thats all we need 🙂

Post # 8
Member
5655 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

DS is 7 y/o & his biological father is much like this. Over the last 18 mths he’s seen DS 2 times… only b/c I called and set it up for Thanksgiving and another holiday.

I’ve ALWAYS done my part.. just like mwitter80 said… when DS asks about why he’s not seeing his dad I can always tell him my part of what was done.

I don’t update his dad anymore about things.. and DS doesn’t ever know when I call to ask about visits or anything, so as not to get his hopes up since most of the time it doesn’t happen.

I would text him about the start and let him know when there are special things like christmas pageant, or dad day, or things like this, but overall I wouldn’t push it.

I know in dealing with a checked out dad that DS would probably deal with ALOT less emotional stress if I hadn’t pushed the relationship when DS was younger… if I would’ve let his dad do what he was going to do anyway (and does now) then DS probably wouldn’t ask ever few weeks why his dad doesn’t get him.

So… let dad know what’s going on, but don’t push letting DS know. That way if dad continues being checked out… DS is none the wiser and doesn’t get let down.

Post # 9
Member
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@runsyellowlites:absolutly, I never told my son when his dad said he’d come see him…cause he never did

Post # 12
Member
2701 posts
Sugar bee

I agree with PPs that sending a text would really be nice. It allows you to do the right thing and extend the invite. Leave the ball in his court. In the future, your son will be able to look back and know that you at least tried, which is more than most parents do.

Post # 13
Member
1776 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I would send the text…it’s the right thing to do, and then he can’t come back and complain that you never told him.  Just keep being the Supermom that you are!  It’s your ex’s loss….sooo sorry you have to deal with this.  I’m also not with my daughter’s Dad, but luckily, he’s always been there for her.

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