(Closed) To tell or not to tell…

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Should I mention it?
    Yes : (7 votes)
    13 %
    No : (31 votes)
    58 %
    Flip a coin : (1 votes)
    2 %
    Something in the middle : (14 votes)
    26 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    10218 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2010

    i’d tell her that you’re thinking about getting married and that you may be looking at rings soon and see what her response was.. if it’s good then you go delve deeper into the convo.

    Post # 4
    Member
    11325 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    I did not tell my mom when I found out my Fiance was ring shopping and I wish I had. She did not give a very good reaction when the moment came and if she’d been more prepared I think it would have been better. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    454 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2011

    i agree with cerebre, tell your mom some basics. i told my mom that i knew he bought the ring, but she didn’t really care. haha. i think she wants it to happen, but she’s pretending that it’s not important. i made her swear that she wouldn’t say anything to anyone and so far so good. that was 3 months ago.

    Post # 6
    Member
    3709 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I voted no b/c I thought that you meant the actual ring shopping versus your mom not knowing that you and your Fiance in waiting are discussing marriage. By all means, inform your family and friends that you two are discussing marriage…but the actual ring purchasing and proposal I would keep to myself…at least until it was official.

    Post # 7
    Member
    3226 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I think you shouldn’t mention it until you have it….it will make the reveal all the more special!

    Post # 8
    Member
    5398 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I think it’s a totally personal decision that you can only make.  We didn’t tell anyone at all when we were ring shopping and all that because we wanted to enjoy the surprise of it all, then share it with everyone after the proposal.

    Post # 9
    Member
    3281 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I wouldn’t tell her, but maybe thats just me. I didnt really tell my mom that I was ready to get married or anything like that, we just dont have that kind of relationship, which sounds kinda weird now that I am writing it lol.

    I am also kind of worried she wont be that excited for me when i DO get engaged and I really long for that,

    Post # 11
    Member
    626 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    @jaxx317 this same exact thing happened to me NOT EVEN a week ago. My SO and I went e-ring shopping last week but we had concluded that we wanted to keep with tradition and pretend like i have “no clue”. So with that I told no one, except weddingbee that is. and well… one friend who lives a state away (i had to tell SOMEONE). But him being the guy and all, he was allowed to tell friends and family, that he was, you know, thinking about proposing. Which he did.

    Fast forward to last Thursday or so. My mother is coming here for Thanksgiving (I am an only child with a single parent… i have to work black friday and was invited to SO;s thanksgiving since its like 20 min away– they also extended the invite to mommma snake.) My mother gets SO’s mother’s number and calls her up. SO’s mom ASSUMED my mom knew we went ring shopping (our fault. My SO had told her WE went shopping and didnt mention NOT to say anything about to to my mother). And my mom mentioned to me on the phone later that night that his mom was all giddy that the two of them were going to be MILs soon and all of that. She inititally thought she was getting carried away— but SO and i decided to let her know what the case really was.

    At first she was a little let down. That i didnt tell her at first. I had to reinstate our intentions were to make it seem like i “had no idea” and he was actually set on meeting up with her (maybe at thanksgiving) to ask if he had her permission to wed her daughter.

    All in all i wish i told her— her finding out because my Future Mother-In-Law spilled the beans wasn’t right — not that i’m upset with Future Mother-In-Law or SO, it just was badly planned.

     

    Anyhow, good luck with your decision!

    Post # 12
    Member
    572 posts
    Busy bee

    I’m on the same page as you. I only tell my mother things that she needs to know. You of all people would know what her reaction will be going to be so if you think she is going to be judgemental then dont mention anything.

    If you want to test her out ask her what she would think if you and your bf were to get married….

    Hope this helps.

    Post # 13
    Member
    11325 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    @honeybear- I know what you mean… i really wanted that movie moment where I tell my mom i’m engaged and she screams and is super excited…. yea didn’t happen ๐Ÿ™‚ But I can tell you that even if she isn’t excited it’s ok. It isn’t about the parents its about you two. And she’ll get over it. It’s been a few weeks now and my mom has really come around to the idea… I think some parents just take longer than others to get on board. 

     

    @jaxx if you’re confident that she’s going to be happy about the engagement then maybe don’t tell her so it will be a surprise. ๐Ÿ™‚ 

    Post # 14
    Member
    22 posts
    Newbee

    Jaxx….Zip it! lol

    Just because your boy told you to look for rings you like doesnt mean he will actually propose in the coming days. The minute you tell your momma she might start asking you over and over when it’s going to happen which might make you more impatient with your Boyfriend or Best Friend. You have mentioned in previous post that he has just started to open up about marriage, so right now being patient is the only way to stay sane.

    Post # 15
    Member
    1776 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: February 2011

    Personally, I like the element of surprise.  My bf and I have gone ring shopping several times, and we are now at the point where he takes over to do the purchasing and surprise proposal.  And my mother has no idea.  I would like the bf to ask my mom for her permission to marry me beforehand, though.

    But, my mom is getting impatient.  We are looking to buy a new house, and my mom isnt very excited because she thinks we are working backwards…which is frustrating because we’ve already lived together for over a year!  We just want to buy a place back in our hometown….something you would expect her to be excited about!  ugh. 

    Anyways, I didnt vote because you need to ultimately decide what’s best for your situation.  For me….I’d like to keep the element of surprise when it comes to the ring shopping.  However, my mom is very much aware that we’ve talked wedding and planned to get married.

    Post # 16
    Member
    2640 posts
    Sugar bee

    I can’t really say what’s right for you.  I certainly don’t know your relationship.  But I voted for, in the middle. Can you hint to her that you and your Boyfriend or Best Friend are getting pretty serious, but not really talk rings etc.?   My reasoning is that, I think my mom would have been a little hurt if I came home engaged, and she felt like she had no clue it would be coming.  As a mom, I might be a bit shocked too, if my daughter came home engaged, and I didn’t know they were that serious.  (That and she’s only 4. Tongue out)

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